GreatInquiry7

Hey guys -

I'm ~9 months without a drop of alcohol, and overall its been amazing for business, health, peace of mind etc. - but I will be honest and say social life has taken a dip - not the end of the world.

(Now the post title is not completely true, I don't want to drink - its just what my mind is telling me)

That said, I miss the partying, the clubs - being able to take up offers from friends to go out (I still do go out sober, but it doesn't feel the same). I miss the ability to go on the easy "drink date" as a first date.

I was never a every single day drinker, but a 2-3 day/week heavy binger, with big spouts of sobriety, but the binges kept getting worse and worse, and after a very rough 7-10 dayer I called it quits, and I'm happy I did.

Regarding the question for this post, part of me tells me I could have 1-3 and be fine, and then my gut tells me I know where that ends up. So, no I don't want to drink, but I do want to do these types of things. (Or maybe I do try and have 1-3 at some point, I really don't know).

The other part of me tells me this is the challenge that you need to overcome, which is doing the things you want without the crutch (and poison of alcohol).

Anyway, rambling a bit - but any thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Note: Not at risk to drink, although my primal desire wants it. I'm not going to drink, but I get this thought 1-2 times a week especially after good spouts of work, or wanting to let loose on weekends and meet people. So I wanted to post it here.

Bathbomb

I'm only on the beginning of my recovery journey so I don't have any advice for you there. I just wanted to congratulate you on 9 months. It would be a shame to jeopardise it. Dee has some great advice on having an escape plan. I'm sure he'll be along soon and will be able to elaborate on that for you.

Dee74

Hi GI7

I actually found I wasn't as social as I thought I was...or rather I willfully forgot how many times I didn't want to go out but I made myself - cos that's what fun was right?

Maybe thats not you, but I definitely do not miss the clubs- awful soulless places for me..

I can go anywhere and do anything now and not have those ridiculous can I drink thoughts, but If you're still having them its wise not to hit the clubs...don't even bother with escape plans.

How much have you explored the idea there might be other ways to have fun?
I'm having more fun and more social interaction now than I ever had as a drinker.

Into sports, hobbies, interests? quiet get togethers with friends?

what are your passions?

D

doggonecarl

You say you don't want to drink, but you are romancing alcohol. They often leads to relapse and drinking.

If you can go to a club and not drink, fine. I had to quit doing the things I did as a drinker and "partying" was one of them.

August252015

That.

It's a creep, a slippery slope, a mind f*ck...whatever you call it, the relapse starts well before the actual drink....I've never heard anyone say it was honestly a surprise, once they look back at what had led up to it - and like Carl says, this is a really common example of what you hear someone realize - after they relapse.

You have about 9 mo- awesome! What are you doing to be in recovery, so not just be sober? What can you do (add) to keep going?

So many other ways to have fun- and being around drunk people in drinking environments isn't one I want to do sober bc...it's not fun at all!!

wildflower70

Oh yea, I remember all of those glorious nights at the clubs....

Puking in the bathroom, alley, maybe the dance floor
Doing drugs with complete strangers. snorting god knows what
Going home with complete strangers, waking up thinking "where am I"
Realizing I have lost my purse, my money, my way home
Wandering down a dark street, lost and hoping I don't end up dead

Awhh yes, those were the good ol' days.

mariposa

least

Congrats on nine months sober! Don't blow it.

AnvilheadII

it's likely that your body/mind ARE seeking "something" - however your thoughts immediately turn to what you KNOW. let's go clubbing!!!! and have a few.

i remember when i went to my first AA dance......it was NOT anything like hitting the gay bar that was like my second home. nope, it was a bit more like a sad middle school dance. but.....that was me expecting it to be exactly the same. i had to relearn how to have fun in new environments and without the party favors.

there's lots to explore in sobriety - but trying to recreate the very thing that helped lead to our downfall will just lead us back to that downfall. we are not immune. we must remain vigilant. make sure our feet are taking sober steps.......

lessgravity

I'd love to be 16 again, no real life responsibilities, no bills, no deadlines, every relationship fluid, not a care in the world.

But, alas, I grew up. Work to be done, and a good life is earned.

nez

I went to clubs to escape the reality of life. I would imagine other people are there for the same reason. Why would I want to hang out with people that are trying to escape life. I prefer to hang with people that embrace life. I find it contagious.

Rd2quit

I know what you mean. I am 6 1/2 months sober. I drank most days between 2 to 8 beers or cocktails. One or two days a week I would go out to the bars and drink till I blacked out.

After quitting drinking for a couple months I was finding it hard to find things to do to entertain myself. I am comfortable going out and just having a soda now so sometimes I do that.

I find the more I do activities that I enjoy, without drinking, that used to involve drinking, the better they get. For example, I like going to NBA games. I have been to over a hundred and drank during every one, usually drinking before and after games. I decided not to go to games my first couple months sober. When I did go back, it was uncomfortable not having a beer. Now I have been to about a dozen sober and I don't give it a second thought. I have a much better time and I remember the whole game.

In your case, if you enjoy dancing, the more you do it sober the more you will stop associating it with alcohol. I have a friend who never drank alcohol and he goes to clubs to dance all the time.

nez

This couldn't help but make me chuckle at myself. I used to think alcohol aided me in releasing my inhibitions, thus enabling me to dance better. In sobriety, I have become comfortable in my own skin and have little to no inhibitions. I get to access the authenticate true "crazy" in myself. Dancing is no problem these days.

brighterday1234

Mcribb

I stopped drinking at 29 and I am 38 right now. If you can hold off soon no one your age will go out very late and partying isn't as inviting as getting a bunch of stuff done. Things work themselves out as long as you don't drink. You change and mold yourself into a person that automatically finds a life that is better than drinking. It just works like that.

brighterday1234

kinzoku

Well not to alarm you but you may very well be at risk. I could have said the exact same words as you years ago when I had a very similar amount of time under my belt. And then lost it.

Take care my friend, be very strong and don't be tempted.

The results don't lie. Whatever you are lacking from clubbing and dating, I recommend you find those substitutes sober if you can.

SoberCAH

Thanks for sharing this with us, GI 7.

I wanted to be able to "take a day off" of sobriety when I got sober, but, mercifully didn't do so.

In large part because I didn't want to retrace any of the painful steps (literally and metaphorically) that I had taken in getting sober.

Then it occurred to me that I simply had to make some sacrifices to get and stay sober, which, for me included no more dive bars (where I spent all of my evenings), strip joints, drinking buddies, drug buddies, general partiers, and, for a while, at least, car races.

By making these sacrifices, each of which was inconsistent with my efforts to get and stay sober, my mind cleared and I began to feel good about the hard work I was putting in to change my life.

Eventually, I was able to go back to car races and football games (I actually go to a considerable amount of them) and other recreational activities that I had previously engaged in while drunk.

But the siren song of drinking hung with me for a good while and it can still creep back in from time to time.

Now, when it does, I know for certain that it's poison to me and my very blessed life and dismiss it.

Previously, though, I would, as several other posters have alluded, romance those very unhealthy thoughts.

For me, alcohol is a life and death matter, so, no matter how challenging or wonderful a particular day has been, I cannot safely revisit any of my prior unhealthy activities.

Gettingcloser

I understand where you are coming from. I will be one year sober May 29th and yet today my mind drifted toward the possibility.
It is a beautiful day in Ontario, Canada and I found myself remembering how much I loved a beautiful spring day and that a delicious rye and coke with ice was just the perfect way to relax. Those were the days when I could stop at one.
Luckily after almost a year sober I have no cravings so it is just a remembering for me.
So played the tape forward:
First drink would go down quickly and I would feel the old glow, but alas, it would disappear shortly after and on I would be to the next one and the next one and then next one until I was in blackout mode.
Then waking up tomorrow morning before work feeling just awful and with horror realizing I had thrown almost a year sobriety down the drain.
And for what? Just for that tiny glow. No thanks.

Gottalife

"For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. "

"Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you." And so I did.

You still had a social life so the old pleasures hadn't quite gone. That might feed the idea that they could be enjoyed again. I can only share that I pursued that idea almost to the point of death, losing all vestiges of a social life in the process, and I can confirm it always gets worse, never better. Once I was convinced of that, I was able to settle on a path towards a rewarding existence such as I had never known.