readyt0change

Hey guys,

Back to square one today.

Ended up getting a job at the gym which is fine, for now. Full-time hours and I'm learning more about exercise and fitness.

Last Monday, pool league. 3 weeks sober and I made an excuse and got a beer which of course turned into 6 pints. Got drunk and high and puked about 10 times on the way home.. Was incredibly ****** up.

The switch is turned on. Yesterday and the day before I smoked with my co worker. Half the employees there are potheads.

Today, of course, I'm all in my head. Sad. I can't seem to change.

A few weeks and I'm back to it. Are things that bad? I'm not sure. Am I living a good life? Probably not.

Am I being too hard on myself? Am I expecting too much? It's stupid to think if things were different because they aren't. This is where I am in life.

Why can't I get sober for good? I can't seem to truly change. I have work tomorrow but I want to go back out tonight and do more. What's wrong with me? I must really hate myself...

Since I've joined this forum I've had the most sober time and objectively I have improved, but I'm still so far from who I want to be and still, not sober.

decchemist

Contrary to what your username suggests you are clearly not ready to change. If and when you are ready you will change. It will take work and commitment.

ThatWasTheOldMe

Hey, if you're sober today, you're sober.
There's gotta be a final day one. Mine was last Sunday.

You can do it!

AnvilheadII

sounds like some classic self sabotage.....or How to Make Sure I am Never Successful 101. which also conveniently keeps the addict beast fed and hungry.

make choices that set you up for success. don't drink, don't smoke pot, wake up sober and ready to tackle your new job tomorrow.

Caprice6

your goal may be then t just cut back, some people can handle it, others not.

You know yourself better than anyone, your history, what worked, what didn't.

The choice is yours.

Dee74

Hi Ready

staying sober ad clean was really hard for me - I think it would have been exponentially harder if I'd kept putting myself in situations where it was easy to drink or smoke.

If you're not sure why you're tryign to get and stay sober re-read some of your old threads.

Its the old two wolves thing man - good and bad - whatever wolf you feed, that one wins

Stop feeding the bad wolf.

D

january161992

heres a chip for you





im going to a meeting later like i do (almost) everyday

doggonecarl

Can't change? Or don't want to change? What changes are you actually making to support your decision to quit drinking?

Pool night three weeks into sobriety doesn't seem wise as it proved too much a temptation. Maybe changes to where you went, what you did, and who you hung out with would be more in line with getting and staying sober.

DontRemember

Call it what it is/was...A choice to drink/smoke. I don't make 'excuses'.. I make choices.

Mcribb

It's happens to lots of people tomorrow is a new day and all we have is today to be sober. One day at a time!

january161992

how are you today readyt0change?