I'm Ringside, and I'm an Alcoholic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 103
I'm Ringside, and I'm an Alcoholic
Hello everyone,
I am a longtime reader of these forums and decided it was time to sign up and participate as a means of supplementing my other tools for recovery from alcoholism. I have four months and some change under my belt, which is the longest stretch I've gone without drinking since I started at age 17.
My drinking was progressive in a few ways - frequency, amount consumed in a session, and the negative effects - they all started reasonable and ended unmanageable. I'd known for quite some time that I had no control over my drinking, but it took a lot longer to finally realize that my life had become unmanageable. While I wasn't living under a bridge (yet), hadn't had legal or financial repercussions (yet), and hadn't damaged any meaningful relationships (yet), the revelation finally came when I found myself, on Christmas morning, discussing with my longtime girlfriend, in what I would call "clinical" terms, the logistics of killing myself. She cried, I didn't really feel anything, and I then proceeded to drink a bottle of wine in about a minute - just because. Suffice it to say I was not in a good place.
Nonetheless, I wouldn't trade that day for anything, because Christmas Day 2018 was the beginning of my new life. The next day, I gave up my fight against alcohol. I jumped into AA with both feet, found a meeting with predominantly old timers - I wanted to be around people who have walked the walk - spent weeks listening before saying a word, and found a sponsor from whom I learn and with whom I get along. I finally gave up trying to do things my way, handed my burden over to the fellowship of AA, and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself.
Life isn't perfect, but the anxiety and depression I struggled with so greatly in the latter stages of my drinking career are dramatically reduced. I sometimes think about drinking (I'm an alcoholic, after all), but I now view it with a detachment that allows me to get past it without much trouble most of the time. In the crunchier moments, calling my sponsor, hustling to a meeting and talking, or saying a prayer (even though I'm not totally sure where I stand in that regard) help, too. I'm hopeful that posting in these forums will be a helpful addition to my toolbox, because I want to use every available means to not go back to Christmas Morning.
Alcohol kicked my ass in one way or another every time I got in the ring with it. So, now I don't even bother to pick up the gloves and climb through the ropes...I'm good with sitting ringside.
Thanks for reading.
I am a longtime reader of these forums and decided it was time to sign up and participate as a means of supplementing my other tools for recovery from alcoholism. I have four months and some change under my belt, which is the longest stretch I've gone without drinking since I started at age 17.
My drinking was progressive in a few ways - frequency, amount consumed in a session, and the negative effects - they all started reasonable and ended unmanageable. I'd known for quite some time that I had no control over my drinking, but it took a lot longer to finally realize that my life had become unmanageable. While I wasn't living under a bridge (yet), hadn't had legal or financial repercussions (yet), and hadn't damaged any meaningful relationships (yet), the revelation finally came when I found myself, on Christmas morning, discussing with my longtime girlfriend, in what I would call "clinical" terms, the logistics of killing myself. She cried, I didn't really feel anything, and I then proceeded to drink a bottle of wine in about a minute - just because. Suffice it to say I was not in a good place.
Nonetheless, I wouldn't trade that day for anything, because Christmas Day 2018 was the beginning of my new life. The next day, I gave up my fight against alcohol. I jumped into AA with both feet, found a meeting with predominantly old timers - I wanted to be around people who have walked the walk - spent weeks listening before saying a word, and found a sponsor from whom I learn and with whom I get along. I finally gave up trying to do things my way, handed my burden over to the fellowship of AA, and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself.
Life isn't perfect, but the anxiety and depression I struggled with so greatly in the latter stages of my drinking career are dramatically reduced. I sometimes think about drinking (I'm an alcoholic, after all), but I now view it with a detachment that allows me to get past it without much trouble most of the time. In the crunchier moments, calling my sponsor, hustling to a meeting and talking, or saying a prayer (even though I'm not totally sure where I stand in that regard) help, too. I'm hopeful that posting in these forums will be a helpful addition to my toolbox, because I want to use every available means to not go back to Christmas Morning.
Alcohol kicked my ass in one way or another every time I got in the ring with it. So, now I don't even bother to pick up the gloves and climb through the ropes...I'm good with sitting ringside.
Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 122
Your story resonates with me and I like the analogy of stepping into the ring with it.
judging by your screen name I've got quite a few years over you but first got my ass kicked by alcohol around your age. At that time I kicked it for a full year which was one of the most productive times of my life .as if it were my parole date, I drank a case of beer with a buddy on my anniversary and was doing fine for a while but eventually hit a wall. Rinse and repeat for the last 15 years and here I am with my back against the ropes once again. It also takes a toll on my mental health so that is when it's got me bleeding and reeling. I don't know what's different this time but I am back into retirement once again (1 week,).
Best of luck . Keep posting
judging by your screen name I've got quite a few years over you but first got my ass kicked by alcohol around your age. At that time I kicked it for a full year which was one of the most productive times of my life .as if it were my parole date, I drank a case of beer with a buddy on my anniversary and was doing fine for a while but eventually hit a wall. Rinse and repeat for the last 15 years and here I am with my back against the ropes once again. It also takes a toll on my mental health so that is when it's got me bleeding and reeling. I don't know what's different this time but I am back into retirement once again (1 week,).
Best of luck . Keep posting
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Great to meet you, Ringside. Thank you for an insightful post, filled with hope & determination. I'm so glad you are rising up out of that mess. My memories of my last horrific day of drinking have kept me vigilant and sober. Congratulations on your 4+ months.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 104
Hello Rinsgide
Sounds like you have given yourself and your girlfriend the best possible Christmas present - one that will just keep giving . And by posting on here you are helping everyone else’. So a warm welcome....
Sounds like you have given yourself and your girlfriend the best possible Christmas present - one that will just keep giving . And by posting on here you are helping everyone else’. So a warm welcome....
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