Realest

Ghostlight1

I try not to judge anyone.
If it doesn't involve me personally, it's none of my business.
"Judge not lest ye be judged".

Dee74

My only real experience is here at SR.

I've let frustration get to me a time or two in the early days - I think at the root of that frustration was the fear of the relentlessness of this thing and the fear it might take me out one day.

I've also been deathly scared for others and I've let my fear of that temper some of my responses from time to time.

I've been at this a long time now tho I do what I can to help, which is mostly sharing my experience - but I can't walk someone else's journey for them.

I just hope I never forget what it was like cos I think that's a vital part of being helpful or not.

D

nez

What does judging newcomers, do for you?

Fearlessat50

Hi. I have judged in the past but try very hard not to anymore. I did that early on in sobriety. What I have learned is that the need to judge often comes from a need to control. “That will never happen to me.” Because I’m strong, in control, etc. underlying this is also fear because we know it could very well happen to us. I was probably the most judgmental when I was feeling weak and it was before a relapse even if I wasn’t conscious of planning it.

The subconscious mind is fascinating!

I now just try to be compassionate and helpful. Being judgmental is a negative mindset.

ThatWasTheOldMe

No.
I would welcome newcomers because going out again is Russian Roulette.

bexxed

If I want it more than they do, then that's on me and it means I need to look at what's going on with me and ask for help for myself.

xoxo-b

entropy1964

Your first post here is about resentments and how they are mostly toward people in AA....I think I got that right.

I dunno. I would suggest looking in the mirror and ask why the resentments, why the judgments? Maybe this is more connected to feelings that you have about yourself? Your own self image.

I know I have nooooo place judging anyone. I do at times, but that's on me.

fini

sure i do.
sometimes.
i was judged at home all my life and learned that skill really well.
unlearning it has been a lifelong project.
still unlearning.

Realest

I judge subconsciously I can’t help it. I’ve seen so many newcomers go in and out I think that’s why.

ScottFromWI

The best solution I have found for being judgmental is to learn more about the people or situations you are judging in the first place. I've seen a large number of people come and go from the recovery community over the years but none of that can "cause" my judgment...only I can make that choice. Think serenity prayer...lots of good things can be learned in this area from those few lines.

Dee74

I think maybe it's related to your other thread 'The ego feeling less than or better than'.

Like Scott says empathy is really important if you want to help others

D

nez

If I find myself being judgemental, it is a result of looking for differences. If instead, I look for similarities, empathy results. I become part of, rather than apart from.

Mango212

Neither lesser than nor greater than.

A beautiful topic and way of seeing my life.



#thankyou12stepmeetings
#recoveryactions

Callas

I guess judging people, here and in life is a human failure. Like alcoholism it is a lifelong quest to guard against and to attempt to overcome.

dcg

I've got plenty to judge myself about to keep myself busy in the judgmental dept.

turniptheheat

Everyone has their own path to recovery. If I am judging newcomers or anyone for that matter, and taking their inventory, I'm not working my program.

Canuck76

Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones. - an old proverb

MindfulMan

Maybe AA isn't the best sobriety method for them.

Kaily

In a perfect world we could help everyone including ourselves, unfortunately life is just not like that.

For some AA really isn't for them, just nothing clicks, yet for others it is a life saver.

How can we possibly judge that? Its like saying we should all wear the same size shoes despite the size of our feet.

I do often compare other peoples drinking with my own but that is just a personal thing with a bit of learning thrown in as well.