Down Days
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 76
Down Days
I'm on day 9 of being sober. I feel tired all the time and keep having night terrors and anxiety. I'm not losing any weight and think I look like **** which is getting me down. I feel pissed off almost all the time and constantly feel guilty for being short with people or being anti-social. I honestly felt happier when I was drinking. I'm not having doubts about sobriety just in a slump. Hoping this is just a transition and recovery period. I'm clearly expecting too much too soon but some words of reassurance would be helpful. Sorry to **** and moan. I resent even writing this but it's getting to me today.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Uk
Posts: 564
You moan away mate, it's good to get it all out. Yeah it's tough 100% . But it will get easier I promise, I still have wobbles, one foot in front of the other 😊. I don't look into the future and I don't count days, I just get up and concentrate on the day. Keep going mate. We are all here to support each other. 😃 much love 🙏
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
Don't expect too much in the first 30 days.....
Your body and mind are healing and you are learning how to live without the drink. Take it easy, keep your expectations minimal, rest and rejuvenate, give yourself a little love and compassion, watch the miracle unfold.
Your body and mind are healing and you are learning how to live without the drink. Take it easy, keep your expectations minimal, rest and rejuvenate, give yourself a little love and compassion, watch the miracle unfold.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
you know how the weather is? How some days, it's grey and drizzly and cold and clammy..... and sometimes that lasts for a week. And some days it's sunny and warm and beautiful but only for the afternoon.... and some days there's a hurricane and some days stretch out like a utopian paradise?
Well.... that's how it is with human emotion, too. Everything swirls, morphs, changes. Some days are better than others. But - like the weather (those drizzly days bring flowers and keep the heat down) - even the lousiest days hold a gift. We can choose to seek that gift and we can also choose to use those shut-in-drizzly-cold-days to get work done. The dishes, the laundry, the long-neglected attic cleaning....
As with those chores, down days are often our best opportunities to get the hard work done in the attic of our minds, our emotions.... down days are great days to work a program.... to seek the steps.... to read the book... to go to a therapist.... to journal.... to meditate.... whatever methods you're using for self-work. And - if you're NOT using methods, it's a good day to start.
Sobriety isn't just not drinking. The Promises WILL come.... if you do the work.
I promise.
Hang in there, keep at it, do the work.
Well.... that's how it is with human emotion, too. Everything swirls, morphs, changes. Some days are better than others. But - like the weather (those drizzly days bring flowers and keep the heat down) - even the lousiest days hold a gift. We can choose to seek that gift and we can also choose to use those shut-in-drizzly-cold-days to get work done. The dishes, the laundry, the long-neglected attic cleaning....
As with those chores, down days are often our best opportunities to get the hard work done in the attic of our minds, our emotions.... down days are great days to work a program.... to seek the steps.... to read the book... to go to a therapist.... to journal.... to meditate.... whatever methods you're using for self-work. And - if you're NOT using methods, it's a good day to start.
Sobriety isn't just not drinking. The Promises WILL come.... if you do the work.
I promise.
Hang in there, keep at it, do the work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 76
Thanks everyone. I'm not the most patient person with myself but I guess I need to learn to try. I know this is for the best. I'll crack on with it and appreciate the motivation. Hope everyone is having a good weekend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
you know how the weather is? How some days, it's grey and drizzly and cold and clammy..... and sometimes that lasts for a week. And some days it's sunny and warm and beautiful but only for the afternoon.... and some days there's a hurricane and some days stretch out like a utopian paradise?
Well.... that's how it is with human emotion, too. Everything swirls, morphs, changes. Some days are better than others. But - like the weather (those drizzly days bring flowers and keep the heat down) - even the lousiest days hold a gift. We can choose to seek that gift and we can also choose to use those shut-in-drizzly-cold-days to get work done. The dishes, the laundry, the long-neglected attic cleaning....
As with those chores, down days are often our best opportunities to get the hard work done in the attic of our minds, our emotions.... down days are great days to work a program.... to seek the steps.... to read the book... to go to a therapist.... to journal.... to meditate.... whatever methods you're using for self-work. And - if you're NOT using methods, it's a good day to start.
Sobriety isn't just not drinking. The Promises WILL come.... if you do the work.
I promise.
Hang in there, keep at it, do the work.
Well.... that's how it is with human emotion, too. Everything swirls, morphs, changes. Some days are better than others. But - like the weather (those drizzly days bring flowers and keep the heat down) - even the lousiest days hold a gift. We can choose to seek that gift and we can also choose to use those shut-in-drizzly-cold-days to get work done. The dishes, the laundry, the long-neglected attic cleaning....
As with those chores, down days are often our best opportunities to get the hard work done in the attic of our minds, our emotions.... down days are great days to work a program.... to seek the steps.... to read the book... to go to a therapist.... to journal.... to meditate.... whatever methods you're using for self-work. And - if you're NOT using methods, it's a good day to start.
Sobriety isn't just not drinking. The Promises WILL come.... if you do the work.
I promise.
Hang in there, keep at it, do the work.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
No apologies necessary. That's what this forum is for!
In my experience, day 10 is the worst. I felt like my nerves were on the outside of my skin, I felt insecure and vulnerable like never before and I wanted to drop kick anyone for so much as smiling at me. This is normal and usually doesn't last more than a week. In my case, the worst of the worst was a couple of days.
It will pass.
Oh, and as per the weight...some people do indeed gain weight after quitting. When I stopped my usual 1000 calorie consumption of beer and wine every day, I started eating like never before. I found a sweet tooth I never knew I had. As such, I gained 10 pounds. So while a lot of people lose weight, plenty of others do not! Just be prepared for that
In my experience, day 10 is the worst. I felt like my nerves were on the outside of my skin, I felt insecure and vulnerable like never before and I wanted to drop kick anyone for so much as smiling at me. This is normal and usually doesn't last more than a week. In my case, the worst of the worst was a couple of days.
It will pass.
Oh, and as per the weight...some people do indeed gain weight after quitting. When I stopped my usual 1000 calorie consumption of beer and wine every day, I started eating like never before. I found a sweet tooth I never knew I had. As such, I gained 10 pounds. So while a lot of people lose weight, plenty of others do not! Just be prepared for that
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
Lets look at it like this, stopping drinking doesn't give you anything but the power of choice.
Very often my life was better when I was drinking. But very often it was much much worse.
But with drinking I was gambling, always rolling the dice on myself and the situations I was putting myself in, I was also taking out loans on my own sanity and healthy to pay for the pleasure of the present.
You can have it that way if you want, but its unsustainable and eventually those debts will be collected and you will end up in dark places.
Being sober I have to make way more hard choices to lose weight or be happy.
I don't know if that helps you, but its just how I feel about it, because often I lament the difficulty as well.
Very often my life was better when I was drinking. But very often it was much much worse.
But with drinking I was gambling, always rolling the dice on myself and the situations I was putting myself in, I was also taking out loans on my own sanity and healthy to pay for the pleasure of the present.
You can have it that way if you want, but its unsustainable and eventually those debts will be collected and you will end up in dark places.
Being sober I have to make way more hard choices to lose weight or be happy.
I don't know if that helps you, but its just how I feel about it, because often I lament the difficulty as well.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
It does hugely improve, and I agree with Free, put in the work and reap amazing rewards.
I think we get so used to the immediate gratification of drinking, and we've done it so long, that we forget it takes time to heal, and to build good things in our lives as we repair the damage done by our addiction.
I suggest you try to be in the moment, and truly feel the process (good and bad) as you move through it. Don't cultivate new habits of avoidance such as shopping or eating or online obsessions, etc.
Just be with yourself and get to know who you are again. I think learning about your true self, what you like and don't, what you truly want and don't, is a great way to spend early sobriety. That touches again on what Free was talking about in terms of going to the attic, etc.
I think you will be amazed at what one month of positive, pro-active sobriety will yield given the chance--
I think we get so used to the immediate gratification of drinking, and we've done it so long, that we forget it takes time to heal, and to build good things in our lives as we repair the damage done by our addiction.
I suggest you try to be in the moment, and truly feel the process (good and bad) as you move through it. Don't cultivate new habits of avoidance such as shopping or eating or online obsessions, etc.
Just be with yourself and get to know who you are again. I think learning about your true self, what you like and don't, what you truly want and don't, is a great way to spend early sobriety. That touches again on what Free was talking about in terms of going to the attic, etc.
I think you will be amazed at what one month of positive, pro-active sobriety will yield given the chance--
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 76
Some really positive words everyone. Thank you so much. I really needed this sort of advice today. I guess the only seemingly good side I seemed to have to me when I had a drink was that I could head to the pubs around town and socialise with people. It gave me a false feeling of happy and social but it was there. Obviously I can't do that anymore. I've felt like such a miserable git around family. I just want to tell them what's going on with me but I don't want to worry them. I think from all the great advice I've had today I just need to accept this is going to be hard and take each day as it comes. The universe isn't going to instantly reward me for just deciding to quit drink and drugs.
just went for an 11K run and it's picked me up a bit. I had to push myself to do it but the alternative was laying in bed all evening and feeling more miserable. Thanks again everyone.
just went for an 11K run and it's picked me up a bit. I had to push myself to do it but the alternative was laying in bed all evening and feeling more miserable. Thanks again everyone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by bodhi01
I think from all the great advice I've had today I just need to accept this is going to be hard and take each day as it comes.
as i learned about myself and what needed to be changed,the anger subsided.
staying sober has been easy with the added benefit of not getting angry. i can get frustrated but dont let it get past that.
give T.I.M.E. time.
Things I Must Earn.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
It is important to be patient with yourself (as with others) while you are going through this kind of distress. Recognize that your feelings are valid, that it's a good thing that you came here to share them rather than bottle it up, and remember that this is temporary and will subside. Treat yourself well physically as well as mentally, take some breaks for exercise and for rest. You are on your way.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
I can relate. I’m only at day 30 and was so irritated with everything, it’s eased up but I’m not 100% ms sunshine still. I only lost 2.5-5 lbs in 30 days of calorie counting, gym 5 times a week and no alcohol. It’s okay though, I read the weight falls off after 30 days. The nightmares were horrific for me also, I dreamed I killed a person even. So real and intense. I finally am enjoying listening to music, usually music is associated with drinking to me. Now I really listen to the words and realized good music is good even without dancing in a drunken stooper. Being impatient for progress is normal. Keep going forward, you are getting through the worst of it. Don’t go back and go through this all again.
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 132
I found writing it all down helped. I'm only new on this journey too and struggled with aches and pains and sharp headaches that lasted for days. It wasn't till day 12 when I started to feel good. I'm on day 23 now and I find reading back through my journal motivates me to keep going. I didn't want to forget what I went through. I also wasn't fun to be around. At the time it feels never ending but there will come a morning you'll wake up and realise nothing hurts. Thanks for your thread I've also enjoyed reading all the responses. It makes a big difference knowing you're not alone. Take care.
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