peaceandfreedom

Hey guys, just checking in. Day 28 for me with no alcohol in my life anymore. I know if I take some now, it's going to stop me living a better life, and it's going to stop me solving challenges in my current life. There is a sense of satisfaction in solving even little issues, so I hope that just gets better and better.

Some posts ago, Dee mentioned that he was not of any real clear state of mind at least until 90 days, so I'm taking heart and hoping that it just keeps getting better.

I feel like I'm living on scraps of my mind/spirit still - only slightly healed in some areas, I know it's early on though.

I have had a few panic episodes, where I'm paranoid my boyfriend is seeing other women - based on little things like him buying almond milk - I saw it in his fridge and had a bit of an internal freak out - he never would have drunk that when we were together a few years ago, I automatically worried he was buying it for someone else that stayed over at his place. I didn't say any of this, because it's a bit crazy of me to think that right?

And then I thought it through- if he was going to cheat on me he'd do it almond milk or no, and if he was telling me we were together and some other person at the same time? well, I wouldn't want him anyway.. So I guess it was a paranoid thought that hit me smack bang - racing heart all that. I journalled it out. I'm guessing paranoid thoughts are common at this point? I used to be super paranoid all the time - it seems my go-to in relationships. Alcohol decreased it a bit beacuse it distracted me. I guess I'm learning to actually deal with it now in sober brain.

Good news is I'm starting to remember a little bit here and there of things that I read/study. I guess memory is slow to come back, but I do see it.

Anyway thanks for listening, anyone have comments most welcome. Hope everyone has a good day.

Surlyredhead

Hello Peaceandfreedom,

I know that in my case, it took quite a while for me to get my head on straight. I only started feeling normal after about two months. Panic, fear, unjust feelings of dread were not uncommon. I had to ride them out and realize that after years of stuffing feelings and emotions, they were coming to the surface all mixed up. After a while, things leveled out and reality became a bit more clear. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you are not alone in how you are feeling.

Hugs, Cathy

least

Took me several months before I felt like I was functioning normally. But yes, I noticed little things every day that were getting better. Stay sober, it will get better.

MantaLady

I used to get a lot of paranoia early on but with more sober time I found I was able to rationalise what I was thinking as my head was a little clearer each day and not nursing a hangover. I was also dealing with less guilt and shame with each day further away that I got from my last drunk and that gave my head space to deal with things in a more healthy way.

I have on a note stuck on the fridge “what story are you telling yourself” which I find really helpful in times of paranoia or mad thoughts / reactions to stuff. Usually we tell ourselves an internal story, like “I am not good enough, I am unloveable, I always fail, I am not worth being with” and usually when the paranoia hits it’s due to the story that I am telling myself rather than the reality of what is actually happening.

It does get better even though at a month sober I wasn’t so convinced of that but really glad I stuck with sobriety xx

mariposa