Confessing
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 8
Confessing
I have been keeping my alcoholism a secret for years. I don’t want to anymore. It makes me feel like a bad person that I’m lying to almost everyone in my life (I’ve only told my wife, who obviously sees how much I drink...though I’m sure some others suspect). But if tell people, they could think I just have no self control, or that I’m only a worthless drunk, and all my value as a human being will be completely overshadowed.
I’m not sure how to even start quitting when it feels like I’m trapped in a lie, pretending there’s not even a problem.
So that’s why I’m here—so that I can start by at least telling all of you. I’m an alcoholic; I have half a bottle of vodka on a good night, and sometimes a lot more. I’m completely powerless to control myself when vodka is around.
Thanks for listening.
I’m not sure how to even start quitting when it feels like I’m trapped in a lie, pretending there’s not even a problem.
So that’s why I’m here—so that I can start by at least telling all of you. I’m an alcoholic; I have half a bottle of vodka on a good night, and sometimes a lot more. I’m completely powerless to control myself when vodka is around.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I'm an alcoholic, too. I haven't drank in over ten years, but still, I'm an alcoholic.
I cannot control my drinking.
When I was first trying to quit, I didn't tell random friends and associates. There was no point to in my mind. It is my problem.
The only people I told were other alcoholics at AA meetings.
Personally, I never saw the need to make pronouncements to people that I'm alcoholic. To what point would it serve? It was personal to me. I didn't, like, come out of the closet and come clean with friends and associates all at once in the beginning.
You don't have to tell anyone you're not comfortable telling. It's your business, unless you're making amends to these people.
I'm glad you found this site. You've told us and I think many of us understand.
I know I do. But when I decided to try and quit drinking I didn't declare it to the world at large. You don't have to either, unless it would make you feel better.
Anyway, that's just my experience and opinion.
You'll find a lot of support here.
I cannot control my drinking.
When I was first trying to quit, I didn't tell random friends and associates. There was no point to in my mind. It is my problem.
The only people I told were other alcoholics at AA meetings.
Personally, I never saw the need to make pronouncements to people that I'm alcoholic. To what point would it serve? It was personal to me. I didn't, like, come out of the closet and come clean with friends and associates all at once in the beginning.
You don't have to tell anyone you're not comfortable telling. It's your business, unless you're making amends to these people.
I'm glad you found this site. You've told us and I think many of us understand.
I know I do. But when I decided to try and quit drinking I didn't declare it to the world at large. You don't have to either, unless it would make you feel better.
Anyway, that's just my experience and opinion.
You'll find a lot of support here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
Welcome to the family. 
It's quite a burden to be a slave to drinking. And such a relief when we finally get free of it. You might start by seeing your doctor for help in getting safely and comfortably thru the withdrawal. Once you have detoxed, form a plan to keep you sober. I hope our support can help you in your quest to be sober. 
It's quite a burden to be a slave to drinking. And such a relief when we finally get free of it. You might start by seeing your doctor for help in getting safely and comfortably thru the withdrawal. Once you have detoxed, form a plan to keep you sober. I hope our support can help you in your quest to be sober. 
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,467
I'm glad you found us and that you want to change your life.
There is no need to tell anyone that you no longer drink alcohol, unless you want to because you think it would be beneficial to you. Only my husband and kids knew when I stopped drinking. I felt it was a very personal decision and I had no desire to share it with friends, co-workers, neighbours.
There is no need to tell anyone that you no longer drink alcohol, unless you want to because you think it would be beneficial to you. Only my husband and kids knew when I stopped drinking. I felt it was a very personal decision and I had no desire to share it with friends, co-workers, neighbours.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Welcome aboard happenstance8
It was like a great weight was lifted off me when I found SR - it meant so much to have people who understood my problem, who'd been there, and who then triumphed over it.
I got my hope back - I hope we can help you do the same
D
It was like a great weight was lifted off me when I found SR - it meant so much to have people who understood my problem, who'd been there, and who then triumphed over it.
I got my hope back - I hope we can help you do the same
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 8
Hey all,
Thanks for the welcome! I genuinely hope I can become part of this community and help support everyone else too! Let me know if any of you guys need help or anything!
I'm not sure why I feel so intent on “confessing” as if that’s necessary. Maybe it’s because my alcoholism has caused me to do some really horrific, neglectful stuff in the past, and I still feel guilt over it. But then sometimes I feel like the drinking itself is immoral whether you do something horrible or not. I’m just super confused and trying to convince myself I’m a good person and every time I forgive myself for one thing, i’ll screw up some other way.
Thanks for the welcome! I genuinely hope I can become part of this community and help support everyone else too! Let me know if any of you guys need help or anything!
I'm not sure why I feel so intent on “confessing” as if that’s necessary. Maybe it’s because my alcoholism has caused me to do some really horrific, neglectful stuff in the past, and I still feel guilt over it. But then sometimes I feel like the drinking itself is immoral whether you do something horrible or not. I’m just super confused and trying to convince myself I’m a good person and every time I forgive myself for one thing, i’ll screw up some other way.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,467
The brilliant Maya Angelou said "I did then, what I knew how to do. Now I know better, I do better."
It's important to forgive yourself and to accept that you're not perfect. That will allow you to move forward and to be the best person you can be.
It's important to forgive yourself and to accept that you're not perfect. That will allow you to move forward and to be the best person you can be.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi and welcome. Accepting the fact that you indeed have a problem and need to quit is a huge first step. You say you don't know how to start, don't worry the people here can help you with that. Early days are rough (yet worth it when its over), so be prepared.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
hello Happenstance,
i was a very secret drinker and that made it easier to keep drinking and harder to get support.
it was indeed very strange to “come out” as an alcoholic when, or shortly after, i quit.
and yes, i often felt and thought of it as “sin against life” and then was unsure if this was my childhood catholic upbringing or my real experience.
in any case, quitting eventually took care of those confusions and challenges.
welcome to you.
i was a very secret drinker and that made it easier to keep drinking and harder to get support.
it was indeed very strange to “come out” as an alcoholic when, or shortly after, i quit.
and yes, i often felt and thought of it as “sin against life” and then was unsure if this was my childhood catholic upbringing or my real experience.
in any case, quitting eventually took care of those confusions and challenges.
welcome to you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,907
It seems like you need and want an unburdening for your soul, your spirit. It just kind of seems like your heart hurts because drinking has you separated from the good person you are and can be. Whether you tell people or not I think quitting drinking will help you feel less of the weight you are feeling now. I like Anna’s advice to check in with a medical professional — and also to know that as you know better you do better. And we’re here to support you as you do it.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Welcome! Glad you are here and telling on yourself in a safe place. We get it.
As for where to start....I had to accept the shocking at the time concept that it literally was first step, don't drink. Explanations, discussions, plans, amends as we call them in AA, alllll of that can come later.
Since your wife does know you drink, it seems it would likely be safe to have her know you quit, and basically "keep it at home" for now - ? One thing you won't find much support for around here is any kind of cutting down (tapering) or moderating - the deal is we have to quit.
Many of us find success in programs like AA (me) and many others, including one centered on the SR community like Dee, and the forums here can give you a lot of info. Looking into your options for quitting in terms of physical needs is probably key - seeing your dr ASAP could be a good place to start. When we are honest, they can help us.
Stay with us.
As for where to start....I had to accept the shocking at the time concept that it literally was first step, don't drink. Explanations, discussions, plans, amends as we call them in AA, alllll of that can come later.
Since your wife does know you drink, it seems it would likely be safe to have her know you quit, and basically "keep it at home" for now - ? One thing you won't find much support for around here is any kind of cutting down (tapering) or moderating - the deal is we have to quit.
Many of us find success in programs like AA (me) and many others, including one centered on the SR community like Dee, and the forums here can give you a lot of info. Looking into your options for quitting in terms of physical needs is probably key - seeing your dr ASAP could be a good place to start. When we are honest, they can help us.
Stay with us.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Worcestershire, UK
Posts: 153
Hi Happenstance. I can relate to your post. It is very easy for those with no knowledge of alcoholism to make judgements about who and what you are and you can become labelled as an alcoholic and nothing more.
Take your time, get sober and then you will naturally do what feels right and comfortable.
Take your time, get sober and then you will naturally do what feels right and comfortable.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 8
Hello again everyone. I’ve decided to quit! Unfortunately this decision was made pretty late last night and so I’m only a few hours with no alcohol right now—8 or 9 at the most.
So currently I’m feeling extremely sick, nausea, sweating through my sheets. I couldn’t get more than about 30 minutes of sleep all night. Every noise makes me jump out of my skin. Some noises I’m pretty sure aren’t even really happening... Worse than all of that though is the guilt I’m feeling for having ever let it get this bad in the first place. I don’t have any idea how to forgive myself.
So currently I’m feeling extremely sick, nausea, sweating through my sheets. I couldn’t get more than about 30 minutes of sleep all night. Every noise makes me jump out of my skin. Some noises I’m pretty sure aren’t even really happening... Worse than all of that though is the guilt I’m feeling for having ever let it get this bad in the first place. I don’t have any idea how to forgive myself.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
That's a great start - I remember exactly what you are feeling, and thinking and all of it is scary. I had to focus on not drinking, today, and I promise you, the big stuff like forgiving ourselves can "wait" - indeed, it has been a process for me.
Take care of yourself today- maybe something you can do to "pass the time" is check out the Newcomers Thread, Class of April 2019 - folks starting their sober lives this month like you.
Take care of yourself today- maybe something you can do to "pass the time" is check out the Newcomers Thread, Class of April 2019 - folks starting their sober lives this month like you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Just take it a day at a time right now. I remember saying, "I just want to feel normal!" sometime in that first week.
You will forgive yourself. Take that one day at a time, too.
For right now, just make it through today without picking up a drink, no matter what happens, no matter if you feel awful, no matter what. Sleep was elusive for me for a couple weeks. I'd be up all night one night and then crash for 12 hours. My body and mind were all over the place.
If you're worried, call your doctor. There are medications that are inexpensive and can help you safely and comfortably detox. Hang on, it's uncomfortable.
Don't pick up that first drink! That's all you have to do today.
You will forgive yourself. Take that one day at a time, too.
For right now, just make it through today without picking up a drink, no matter what happens, no matter if you feel awful, no matter what. Sleep was elusive for me for a couple weeks. I'd be up all night one night and then crash for 12 hours. My body and mind were all over the place.
If you're worried, call your doctor. There are medications that are inexpensive and can help you safely and comfortably detox. Hang on, it's uncomfortable.
Don't pick up that first drink! That's all you have to do today.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,154
Yeah, there's often a lot of guilt, humiliation, and I didn't own up to my problem publicly, at least not until I had some sobriety under my belt. I don't run around proclaiming my alcoholism now, but I wouldn't feel uncomfortable owning up to it if someone asked me directly why I don't drink. But your feelings of self worth should start to emerge when you seriously quit. I remember the shame and hiding my problem way back when. It's a horrible way to live, but there is a way out, and it will take some work, usually in the form of hanging onto the seat of your chair until the cravings leave. If it's more serious, it may require hospitalization or detox. But there is light at the end of the tunnel, and beating that addiction is filled with reward.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Congratulations on your decision to quit.
Yes, you'll go through some discomfort. If it gets too bad, I would see a doctor.
And remember, Rome wasn't built in a day.
I couldn't sort out the wreckage of my life, after I quit drinking, for many months.
Just take it one day at a time. Or even on minute or hour at a time.
The amends can wait till you're feeling better and have a few days under your belt.
Best to you and I hope you feel better soon.
Yes, you'll go through some discomfort. If it gets too bad, I would see a doctor.
And remember, Rome wasn't built in a day.
I couldn't sort out the wreckage of my life, after I quit drinking, for many months.
Just take it one day at a time. Or even on minute or hour at a time.
The amends can wait till you're feeling better and have a few days under your belt.
Best to you and I hope you feel better soon.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Congratulations on finding this site and on deciding to quit. The confessions, self-forgiveness, atonement, all of that will come with sobriety. Focus on what you need to do to get and stay sober. What's your plan?
I also think you need to be careful that those concerns you articulate don't prevent you from getting sober.
I also think you need to be careful that those concerns you articulate don't prevent you from getting sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 8
Hey everybody,
An update: I have been sober for a week now, and the difference is incredible. I feel so much more clear-headed. Sleeping well again, too. And far from being worthless like I thought, I got recognized at work for doing a good job. I was shocked; made me realize how much the alcohol had clouded my perception.
Thank you all for being so helpful last week! Hearing from everybody really helped me focus on just not drinking, instead of worrying about all my anxiety. I’m really hopeful about keeping this up! I really wanted a drink last night (work function unexpectedly had an open bar) but my awesome wife talked me out of it. So today is day 8!
An update: I have been sober for a week now, and the difference is incredible. I feel so much more clear-headed. Sleeping well again, too. And far from being worthless like I thought, I got recognized at work for doing a good job. I was shocked; made me realize how much the alcohol had clouded my perception.
Thank you all for being so helpful last week! Hearing from everybody really helped me focus on just not drinking, instead of worrying about all my anxiety. I’m really hopeful about keeping this up! I really wanted a drink last night (work function unexpectedly had an open bar) but my awesome wife talked me out of it. So today is day 8!
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