atdawn

hi everyone,
feeling kind of lost...I have a 5 months old baby and an AH. my husband has been drinking ever since I have known him. On the day he proposed I said 'yes but I don't want a drinking husband and father'. he said he would stop, yet got hammered on that very same night (we were going out for his last beer ever, how ironical...). god I so wish I had found this site earlier... I feel so silly now, I should have known he would not change for me ... maybe deep down I knew it but still wanted to hope... when things get really bad he slows down for a while, then slowly things worsen again... about a year ago after he got sober for 2 months we made a baby... he got pissed badly a few times during my pregnancy but not often at all, and he kept saying 'my friends say that it's no when you get married that life changes, it's when you get a kid' .... well since our son was born he has been drinking regularly (6 to 12 beers a night several times a week)... he says it's not as bad as it used to be as he drinks at home instead of going out and coming back at 3am... I am so tired with this... I so do not want my child to suffer from this as I do... I so want him to get help... he went to AA once, and stopped for 7 months, so deep down he must know there is a problem? yet I am not sure he is ready to accept it again... I am scared of the future, I don't want to wait for the disease to affect my child and completely destroy our love... sometimes I feel so sad and worried I think my baby must realise something is up. some days I don't love him anymore and want to leave, then feel horrible for having had such bad thoughts...so I realised I need to get help for a start, and he will do what he wants... I hope we can get out of this together... we shall see... I have been postponing going to alanon meetings... I will try going on monday... thanks for reading, starting to get things out of my chest is a big step for me...

noifs2day

(((WELCOME)))

Sometimes getting it off our chest is what we need to do.


Hopefully you will find the people here are experiencing or have experienced the same types of things and feelings you are now feeling. YOU ARE NOT ALONE throughout this.

I am glad you found it now... rather than in 20 or 40 more years...

Oh yes... and we've all said "I should have known..." about something regarding our A's before. Not much we can do to change the should-have- knowns of our life.


WHY? Scared? Indecisive? Afraid of something you might hear or someone you will see? I was too! All of it! And, I didn't think I had enough time to go to a meeting either.

Al-Anon has a phrase much like Vegas. What you see here, say here and hear hear stays here. That is one reason why a great deal of people really find out how others coped and solved situations they are in which in turn...

Go, please go. Hopefully you will hear something in the first meeting that keeps you coming back. ... I didn't. I was there in body, but not in mind. I was there but really didn't hear what was being said. Luckily I went back anyway. On my fourth meeting I did hear what I needed to hear. (What we need to hear is different for each person.) I think I finally settled down enough to really listen to the words in the opening and the 'newcomers welcome'. Very powerful words.



I don't have any children, but I do think they are very 'intune' with what is going on with people around them. Maybe some of the parents on SR can enlighten us. As for the future... it is tomarrow, next week and years from now. So, what can we do today to better prepare for the future?

I became educated about alcohol and how it effects the family. How it effects me, even if I don't drink, and how I (as an untreated Al-Anon, or treated Al-Anon) effect other people.

I learned through SR & Alanon, and a few other authors. The power posts here are a must read! My learning is far from over. I have much to learn, but I encourage you to start the process so you be less scared of the future.

Keep coming back! Read! Post!

atdawn

thank you so much for your words of encouragement noifs2day
scared, I suppose, of just admitting that I am powerless, of admitting that no all the promises are not to be believed and things may well never change, and that yes I do need help too! scared of letting out all the emotions I have been burying inside, pretending things were OK. things are not OK. Yes I am going to go on monday, I just figured that if I did not make that statement on here I would just delay again...
thanks again for your answer

gelfling

Hello atdawn,

Welcome to SR...We all feel the same way about finally finding this site. Especially myself who lived with a dry-drunk for 17 years. I used that an as excuse and it was lame. I could have gone to alanon and didn't until the beginning of this year when our son announced he was an alcoholic.

Your timing is perfect. You arrived here in your own time. Meaning, you weren't supposed to find this site and get help five months ago, or 5 years from now.

Going to meetings will help you get through a lot of the stress you're going through. It takes time. But in the meantime, take care of your little one. They do pick up on your vibes. My son did and he was always sickly. I was always mad, disgusted, stressed and pissed at the AH and unfortunately, he was the recipient of the emotions and feelings eventhough I didn't verbally or physically do anything to him.

Right now, get to meetings. Lots of them. Read what you can find and find a sponsor if you feel that will help you even more.

Blessings, gelfling

renee18

Hello atdawn. My name is Shana and i am 19 years old. Iam glad you are going to an Al-Anon meeting. I have been attending for 1 year now. When I first went i was scared too and it is okay but remember this is a safe place to be. What is said there stays there and i understand you being afraid of seeing someone you know it has happened to me and it was not a big deal what is said there stays there so no one has to know you were there. Let us know how it want.
HUgs and Kisses for you,
Love,
Shana

atdawn

thank you so much you guys... well I haven't gone to the meeting I planned on going to .. baby fell asleep earlier and I did not have the heart to wake him up and take him along... see, I am good at finding excuses, almost as good as my AH ... Ok the next one I can go to is on thursday...

leem03

Just keep trying atdawn. One day at a time. Maybe Thursday you won't have a good enough excuse not to go. It is a big step to walk in there for the first time, but you're ready. You can do this.

Keep posting & reading!