SoberDad86

Had almost reached a month sober when my wife went ballistic on me last night about how I was "only concerned about my health and not drinking", and not about anything else at home like the yard work etc..

I stayed awake all night and stewed about how pissed off I was, and then, because I'm such a goddamn genius I got some beers on the way home from work today. I stared at them sitting in the seat next to me, and proceeded to uninstall my sobriety counter app from my phone and turn it off.

I sat there for almost two hours drinking beers and listening to sports radio, went up to bed and here we are. Ironically enough I had a routine appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow, I'm sure he will be thrilled.

Next time I'll try to handle this differently.

lessgravity

Sorry to hear that man. Sounds like a pretty ugly thing to hear from your wife so I feel for you there. However, and I know you know this, life is going to throw a lot harsher sufferings our way than an unsympathetic wife. No reason to pick up and drink.

You need to have some things in place that you can turn to next time. As a father, for me, no matter what my wife or my work or the random guy on the subway brings my way, my life needs to be an example and a guiding light for my kids. I can't be that father if I'm drinking. Perhaps you need to start deeply believing the same.

least

I hope you'll use this as motivation to get sober for good this time. Life is always going to throw us curveballs, but we can't use that as an excuse to drink.

Numblady

Good you are honest about it and have seemed to curtail it for now. Maybe come here and post next time you are triggered/tempted that much? Hugs to you. Get some sleep. Tomorrow is a new day.

Dee74

Do…or do not. There is no try

One of the common problems for some of us in recovery is balancing our lives responsibilities and other relationships while working on our recovery.

There's various ways to do that in an effective and healthy way, but drinkings not one of them SD.

If you did't know that before you do now - you can build on this

What different ways are you thinking of now?

D

SoberDad86

I appreciate the responses, you all mean the world to me. I'll reflect more tomorrow, but one thing I can mention is that my wife is a daily drinker and our 10 years of marriage and courtship have revolved around drinking, its literally heartbreaking to think of. I have had to work around that, but I am going to need to have an uncomfortable conversation with her about everything. Our relationship is in a very low place to be sure, but I need to fix myself before I can fix that.

Dee74

You may not get the support you want from your wife - I think you know that - but you will find the support you need here, and other places like AA (or SMART or lifering etc ) Sober Dad

D

lessgravity

Feel you pain brother. I've been in similar situations with an ex-wife and I know that attendant pain and sadness. I also know that for too long I allowed the hurt I had to go through to give me an excuse to keep drinking. Hope you use this place and other resources to confront your business sober. It's great you're here looking for support and being honest. Check in and let us know how things go.

johnnyt53

My AA sponsor guides me in a lot of things, 12 steps etc. One thing he usually ends with is don't drink no matter what. Also, get help and share like you've been doing. This site is great for talking it out. I feel the wife thing as my first wife left me after I quit drinking for someone who did. I got past that too but I needed a lot of help along the way. God speed on your journey.

kinzoku

I'm sorry that happened my friend.

But today you can be sober and lets keep on trucking

August252015

Glad you are seeing your psych today- I think that's fortuitous. I'd be honest even though that's hard. It has to be about us, and sometimes that means starting out with plenty "stacked against us." It's doable- if you want it more than you want the life and drinking and drama you have now. And, what Dee said.

Tailai

Obladi

Hi SoberDad,

I am sorry for the way you were feeling last night and hope that today is a little better. I know the feeling of being stuck, not wanting to face going home to a negative and non-supportive environment. It's really, really hard.

You're a smart guy and know drinking doesn't make it any better overall; it just feeds the continuing cycle. You know that you can accomplish not drinking, and that's half the battle. I think it's great that you came back to post about it. That's not an easy thing to do.

Does your psychiatrist do therapy or just meds?

O

Michelle644

I remember the first couple of weeks of sobriety my Husband and I argued many times because he said I was snippy with him and had a bad attitude. He offered a couple of times to go and get me wine...That's how bad it was. I would try to explain to him what I was going through and to hang in there and work with me it helped a little. All of a sudden one day a hint of the old me came around and he seen hope and was much better. I wanted my Husband to go to a meeting and talk to others so he could understand more. Maybe, your wife might benefit from a couple of meetings.

MLD51

That is a tough situation, to be sure. One thing I learned in treatment is that a spouse or SO or other family members have gotten used to the balance of power when we were still drinking, and that shift can be very upsetting to the normal order of things. People react differently to his, and it can be very difficult to find equilibrium. Also - the still-drinking partner can feel very threatened by the non-drinking partner - "what if they try to make me quit, too? what if they leave? how do we go forward when all we know is this?"

I'm not married, but I do have a still-drinking SO, and we went through some of this. He never berated me, but he did wonder out loud if I'd chuck him for a non-drinker. And it was close, I almost did. We came to an understanding of sorts, and I just told him I was going to do my sober thing and not pressure him to quit. I hope he does someday, because he really drinks too much, but at least we don't live together and I don't have to see it if I don't want to. I just figure I'm setting an example of how nice sober life can be. Maybe someday he will, maybe he won't. I can't control that. I just have to look out for me and my kids and do what's right. If that means someday we part ways, so be it. It would be awful, but I would get through it.

Have you thought about marriage counseling? Maybe a neutral third party can help you two talk things through. And there's also Al Anon for her, if she's willing.

Obladi

How are you doing today?

Chance219

@SoberDad86 - hope you had a good day & appt - thoughts and prayers.

lessgravity

What's up

Finalround

I've been in the same situation. Getting sober with a spouse that would sabotage it at every chance. But it was ultimately up to me to stop. I love being sober and productive. My wife still drinks though far less. I let her know that I'm staying sober and living life to its fullest, with or without her. I won't make her quit but made sure she understands that I do not enjoy her company when she's drunk. We get along fine as long as she respects my sobriety. I compromise on everything except for that. To our SO, we decided to screw everything up by quitting drinking. I don't think they understand how brutal it had become for us.

SoberDad86

Doing better today, have a busy weekend planned with family stuff, so hopefully that will keep any anxiety at bay.