LovePeaceSushi

So....to start out with, I have a keyboard synced up with my cell phone because I prefer that to texting, but its still a little foreign to me. My alcoholic husband is still an alcoholic. He developed a prevalent back issue mid January......specifically, in January, during a sporting event, his drunk a$$ got stuck in his swanky FOB controlled car and he tried to kick his way out of the window. From then on, it was a back issue. Since then, hes had back surgery. Nothing too serious. He was supposed to abstain from alcohol beforehand. He didn't. He's been boozing it up ever since. He had a catheter at home for 3 days. I emptied it. He gets drunk and talks mean crap.....and then, I swear, 10 minutes later hes trying to touch me and seek reassurance of my love. He just went off on me today with such a-hole accusations that I put on headphones and put it on Christian music pandora. I am no longer trying to keep up with his drinking.

Mango212

((((hugs))))

How is your support system for yourself and does your husband have a support network?

The 'mean crap' is verbal abuse. It's every bit as damaging as any other kind of abuse. It's not right and it's not okay.

FallenAngelina

That's an update about him. What about an update on you?

hopeful4

I agree, what about you. I am glad you tune it out, but I know what that roller coaster is like, and it's hard!

LovePeaceSushi

I don't have a support system. I have anxiety, which works against something like Al Anon. I don't have girlfriends (never have). I love my dad, but he's pretty black and white and he's not into church, so he'll just look at it as "it's not working, so leave".

I had to re-read my post. Y'all are right; it's an update on him. So...me....I just AM. I need to start working out. Our church has an amazing facility. It has a walking track and every piece of equipment you could want. I'm about 30 lbs. heavier than I've ever been and I don't feel good about myself. AH says I look beautiful, but honestly, I think he almost likes me being bigger bc of his birth defect. (he has no abdominal muscles, so even though he's a lightweight, his belly sticks out) All I need is that first day. That day when I start actually start DOING it. I think it will help me feel better, for sure. What's difficult is that (a) I live in the south, where our traditional food is not healthy and (b) Im a great cook...food is like art to me, but guys, I know that if it's making me fat, we have a problem. (c) My husband is underweight and my daughter is a teenager. Daughter is more open to healthy options like quinoa and farro. Husband wants traditional southern food every night. He's even mean and insulting if I cook something like Asian, Indian, or Middle Eastern. He'll spout off and open the doors and turn on the fan like someone crapped in the middle of the floor.
Its been so long since he was sober. I mourn for that time. We'd have coffee in the morning and sit outside....prune the plants in the back yard...he had energy to DO stuff. Now he keeps all the drapes closed and it's eternally dark in the house.
Woops! I'm talking about him again, but he effects (affects?) me. True codie talk, I'm sure.

FallenAngelina

It sounds like you're not familiar with what AlAnon is all about. Everyone comes into their first AlAnon meeting with anxiety!! That's why we bite the bullet and walk into a room full of strangers. We're desperate!

AlAnon is the perfect place for someone riddled with anxiety over a loved one who drinks.