scared1

Today is my day 1 again. I have been crying for days. I have very low self esteem. I think I am a horrible person and just wish I was dead already. My anxiety is sky high. I know I am battling depression right now and I feel so alone and scared every day. Im hoping if I quit drinking, I'll feel better. Maybe life will make more sense and maybe I'll want to enjoy life again?

least

It took me a while after I got sober to start feeling better. It helped me a lot when I started practicing gratitude every day.

Drinking made my depression a lot worse. After I got sober it got a lot better. I truly enjoy my life now.

I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

scared1

Thank you

least

Try practicing gratitude every day. It makes me happier to do so.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

scared1

I am very grateful to have my children home today. My husband hates me but at least he will be home tonight as well. ... I'm saying these things but thinking in my head "I don't deserve none of them, and my life sucks" I just want to be alone in my room

Ghostlight1

You deserve happiness and a great life as much as someone whose never drank at all.
we didn't lose our humanity or hopes and dreams because we drank too much.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. Your best choice is to get sober for yourself and your family . Most of all for yourself. Then, I think, things will fall into place.

Best to you.

Gettingcloser

Hi Scared1
When I was in the depth of my depression and drinking I had self esteem that had been horribly battered. I completely understand what it is like to have to pick yourself up again and carry on even when you feel so down on yourself.

My husbands response to my drinking behavior was to sometimes be very mean and because I already felt so low about my behavior I would just take it.

I am in a much better place now and when I look back on how I got here it was really one day at a time. Do even the smallest thing for yourself in the form of self care. You are more then worthy and you are very brave to walk this very difficult path.

scared1

Thank you all. As I drove home right now I told myself I need to sober up for good for my own mental health. My marriage might be hurt because of my drunken anger but I have to try to better myself for myself. Right now I know I am very unhealthy Mentally, and emotionally. I need to fix myself so I can properly care for my family

Ghostlight1

I believe you are on the right track with your plan.
You can do it!

Dee74

Welcome back

Its true that you never need to feel this way again Scared1 - do something different this time - more support, more changes?

you can stay sober

D

scared1

Thank you Dee74

Hevyn

Scared1 - I'm so sorry for the painful time you're going through, but here is where it can end. Please keep reading & posting here - we want to encourage you & help you stay strong. You are not alone.

Broncosys

Scared1 - some specifics. Get out pen and paper and make a written itinerary for your day tomorrow. Script every hour and stick to the script. Focus on yourself tomorrow. A large pizza with everything on it for dinner. Whatever you want for breakfast and lunch. Write it all down. You don't have to feel this way ever again. For the next several days, don't worry about stressors like sleep, anxiety and such. Just revel in your calm and quiet and peace. Write your plan for the next day every night for the first several days. Again, an itinerary for your day. A strict agenda. Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing.

ThatWasTheOldMe

I am only on day 6 (almost sleepy time), but I can tell you that a week ago today I was not in a good place.

It's a hell of a lot better today. Alcohol screws with your brain chemistry. It may not be all rainbows and unicorns, but simply not drinking is a heck of a lot better than being stuck in the cycle of alcoholism.

I was slipping out at work to take nips from the bottle I had stashed in my car and stuff. I was that dependent on it to keep the withdrawals at bay. You can get through the first few days if I can. If you start to feel really jumpy, I would recommend going to your local emergency room; or at least have someone around that can watch you.

Join us on the light side. It's far less gloomy.

scared1

Well I did it, made it a whole day without drinking. I was so tired last night but didn't get much sleep. I have been awake since 4am. But I am sober. I too was starting to sneak booze into my office just to feel "normal" and continue my day.
I plan on going to my first meeting this morning at 8am. Let's see how that goes. I still have anxiety so I am avoiding coffee this morning.

ConfusedGuy

Hi and welcome.
It's only one week for me, so I dont know much really - but already feel much better. You can too. Trying to rest, keep online, keep posting. Im beginning to understand that all the bad feelings and negativity are part of this. Lots of encouragement here.

kinzoku

Quitting drinking is a good START.

Glad you are here

I think the meeting would be nice to give you a sense of community

eve123

thomas11

The journey to permanent sobriety starts just the way you have described it above. Get through the first day, reach out for support, get through the second day etc.....Great job.

scared1

I went to an all women's meeting. I got my first chip and I volunteered to speak. It felt so good to hear other woman say they went through similar feelings and situations. I want to try another meeting tomorrow. I have been busy cleaning my house all day today. I hope I am able to sleep tonight.