Why is it more difficult instead of less?
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: NC
Posts: 452
Why is it more difficult instead of less?
Today is day 50 sober, the longest sober stretch in years. Up until this past weekend I was doing pretty well, didn't think much about drinking except for checking in here, no frequent or regular cravings, eating nutritious food and feeling better. Then Saturday afternoon comes and suddenly I was wanting so much to go out and buy a bottle. I got past it.
Sunday was a little slow but not bad at all (Sundays never are - even though I could get wine the liquor stores are closed).
Now it's Monday and I barely got home without stopping at the liquor store. What's happened? For the last few weeks I would be thinking of other things and not even noticing when I passed that exit, but the entire drive home was like skirting a black hole. Even when I got home my first thought was "well, I'll walk the dog and THEN go out and buy some vodka."
Sorry for all the whining, but does anyone have any insight? The AV is saying "well, 50 days, that's great - we can drink today and then go another 50 until the next one." Is it just that my AV is realizing that this might be a long term decision and it's fighting back? I'm baffled, hurt and confused. Please help.
Sunday was a little slow but not bad at all (Sundays never are - even though I could get wine the liquor stores are closed).
Now it's Monday and I barely got home without stopping at the liquor store. What's happened? For the last few weeks I would be thinking of other things and not even noticing when I passed that exit, but the entire drive home was like skirting a black hole. Even when I got home my first thought was "well, I'll walk the dog and THEN go out and buy some vodka."
Sorry for all the whining, but does anyone have any insight? The AV is saying "well, 50 days, that's great - we can drink today and then go another 50 until the next one." Is it just that my AV is realizing that this might be a long term decision and it's fighting back? I'm baffled, hurt and confused. Please help.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
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Originally Posted by Lascaux 
The AV is saying "well, 50 days, that's great - we can drink today and then go another 50 until the next one." Is it just that my AV is realizing that this might be a long term decision and it's fighting back? I'm baffled, hurt and confused. Please help.
Another factor might be where you are at in your recovery. Fifty days. I know at that same time I suffered from what I called "recovery fatigue." I was tired of thinking about drinking and tired of thinking about not drinking. Accepting I could never drink again, ever, went a long way to easing things for me. I didn't have to think about drinking or not drinking. I wasn't ever going to drink. Nothing to think about. And when the AV started up, I'd just tell it, "Nope, I don't drink."
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Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
To answer your question in list form:
- Anything that is worth having in life requires discipline which is not easy to instill
- Drug addicts tend to be damaged people and it's easier to turn to our drug of choice rather than come to terms with our baggage
- The body is physically addicted and screaming out for its drug of choice
- As addicts we have conditioned ourselves to expect instant gratification
- In early sobriety the brain chemistry is haywire resulting in depression, irritability, and mood swings
Sobriety is not easy and not fun in the early days. That is not meant to be discouraging or frightening but unfortunately that is just how it is. The good news is that if you keep working at it you can know a happiness that is beyond anything you can imagine. It happened for me.
I went to an AA meeting when I was just starting sobriety and talked about how I was struggling. "It gets greater later" said an old timer. I didn't want to hear it then, just as I'm sure you probably don't but it's the truth.
- Anything that is worth having in life requires discipline which is not easy to instill
- Drug addicts tend to be damaged people and it's easier to turn to our drug of choice rather than come to terms with our baggage
- The body is physically addicted and screaming out for its drug of choice
- As addicts we have conditioned ourselves to expect instant gratification
- In early sobriety the brain chemistry is haywire resulting in depression, irritability, and mood swings
Sobriety is not easy and not fun in the early days. That is not meant to be discouraging or frightening but unfortunately that is just how it is. The good news is that if you keep working at it you can know a happiness that is beyond anything you can imagine. It happened for me.
I went to an AA meeting when I was just starting sobriety and talked about how I was struggling. "It gets greater later" said an old timer. I didn't want to hear it then, just as I'm sure you probably don't but it's the truth.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
congratulations for not acting on those thoughts. Just think how you'd feel now.
'still come on' you're still in very early sobriety at fifty days.
It does get easier. You were doing well, with no cravings and then one hit you and you did the right thing. That's progress, my friend, so good job.
Best to you in sobriety.
'still come on' you're still in very early sobriety at fifty days.
It does get easier. You were doing well, with no cravings and then one hit you and you did the right thing. That's progress, my friend, so good job.
Best to you in sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 94
Hey, friend. Congratulations on staying sober! That takes unspeakable strength. You can absolutely do this. But I'm going to tell you that you are sitting on a drink right now and you really need to take an action to get off high center in the direction you want to go, not into the bottle.
Figure out what that action is. Get out of yourself and do something kind for others? Even if you can't go volunteer, text a friend that is lonely, reply to people here that are struggling to get one day.
Maybe it's something creative like writing a song or painting or drawing. Maybe a simple poem about how alcohol has destroyed things that you love, like your sanity.
Maybe it's driving to the nearest body of water, even a small lake outside of town or a little duck pond at the park and watch the sunrise and then go back and watch the sunset.
Maybe go to an AA meeting? Don't know if you are a fan but you can always just drop in on one and listen. It can reset your meter.
You are sitting on a drink and you gotta stand up. Stay strong. You can absolutely do this.
Figure out what that action is. Get out of yourself and do something kind for others? Even if you can't go volunteer, text a friend that is lonely, reply to people here that are struggling to get one day.
Maybe it's something creative like writing a song or painting or drawing. Maybe a simple poem about how alcohol has destroyed things that you love, like your sanity.
Maybe it's driving to the nearest body of water, even a small lake outside of town or a little duck pond at the park and watch the sunrise and then go back and watch the sunset.
Maybe go to an AA meeting? Don't know if you are a fan but you can always just drop in on one and listen. It can reset your meter.
You are sitting on a drink and you gotta stand up. Stay strong. You can absolutely do this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 500
I'm on day 223 and my birthday is next month. From time to time I find myself thinking...
"on my birthday I'll be 260 days sober...maybe I can get drunk to celebrate and then go back to sobriety"
Oh yeah, good plan, because doing something that WILL KILL ME is a GREAT THING TO DO ON MY BIRTHDAY?!!
"on my birthday I'll be 260 days sober...maybe I can get drunk to celebrate and then go back to sobriety"
Oh yeah, good plan, because doing something that WILL KILL ME is a GREAT THING TO DO ON MY BIRTHDAY?!!
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Lascaux, recovery is not a straight line. Life happens and we have good days and bad days. But, in recovery we can learn that the bad days won't last and there will be good days again.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
You are doing EXACTLY the right thing by coming here and telling us what's up! That's one thing to always do when we've got a bad 5 minutes, even. Lots of folks in AA, which is my program, start the specific habit of having 3 or 5 sober people in their phone to call and talk to for at least 10, 20 min- and it usually works to get them thinking about not drinking and why, about other stuff, even just letting the other person share what they do or whatever.
And what Anna said is so important- and def weird getting used to- we don't just stop drinking, get better and keep getting better. And, honestly, I don't wish it worked that way because the up and down, and certainly the just "ok" days, teach me to keep getting better at this life I live now.
Really important to have specific tools and resources to deal with everything from wanting to drink to a fight with your SO.
Things like playing the tape thru - you may have heard this, but it's when you start with, say, driving to the liquor store. Map out each step, literally, from buying the vodka to the first drink, and go thru a scenario that unfolded like usual- the kind that made you stop drink 50 days ago. It never ends well, right?
I need IRL support and that's both AA and a non AA/NA group for the restaurant industry. There's lots of options - one on here I started right away was the Class of (Month you quit) thread, so Mar for you. We got a good group bonding in our Feb 2016 class.
Glad you are here! Keep going. My head was just starting to clear at the point you are, and thru ups and downs it kept getting clearer.
And what Anna said is so important- and def weird getting used to- we don't just stop drinking, get better and keep getting better. And, honestly, I don't wish it worked that way because the up and down, and certainly the just "ok" days, teach me to keep getting better at this life I live now.
Really important to have specific tools and resources to deal with everything from wanting to drink to a fight with your SO.
Things like playing the tape thru - you may have heard this, but it's when you start with, say, driving to the liquor store. Map out each step, literally, from buying the vodka to the first drink, and go thru a scenario that unfolded like usual- the kind that made you stop drink 50 days ago. It never ends well, right?
I need IRL support and that's both AA and a non AA/NA group for the restaurant industry. There's lots of options - one on here I started right away was the Class of (Month you quit) thread, so Mar for you. We got a good group bonding in our Feb 2016 class.
Glad you are here! Keep going. My head was just starting to clear at the point you are, and thru ups and downs it kept getting clearer.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
it's safe to say that early recovery can be marked by certain blips along the way - these often occur at almost specific intervals - 30 days, 60, 90, 180 days aka 6 months, 9 months, 1 year. part of it is psychological - well i just achieved a milestone therefore i deserve <<fill in the blank>> and part of it is the mind/body healing process that seems to cycle at these intervals.
in other words, it's all part of the process. thoughts and urges don't just GO AWAY ne'er to return. they remain and must be managed.
odd segue but bear with me...a few years back i was diagnosed with eye floaters in my right eye - these stupid little grey/black spots in my vision, like my own personal swarm of gnats. my vision is FINE, no cataracts, etc, just these damn eye floaties. annoying.
they told me that OVER TIME my brain would learn to cancel them out, mostly. they'd still be there, my brain just wouldn't give them any attention. and it was true!!! then of course, the left eye had to get into it and i had a whole new set of floaties that looked and moved entirely differently!!! but again OVER TIME, my brain just cancels them out.
until the topic comes up. someone else mentions eye floaties, or i am relaying a story on the internet. THEN i can see 'em! lord they are everywhere! and now it will take some time for me to NOT keep them at the top of my thinking, get my brain busy on other stuff, and they will fade into the background. i also changed the lighting in my office from overhead to soft standing lamp. i don't spend a lot of time looking outside if it's super bright and there is reflection. i make sure my head is in the shade at least OR i'm wearing sunglasses. in other words, i take precautions to KEEP them at bay, not annoy them!! i set myself up for floatie free success! LOL
they tell me these floaties will never go away completely, i just have to deal.
it's the same with addiction. ain't no cure, but there is a solution!
in other words, it's all part of the process. thoughts and urges don't just GO AWAY ne'er to return. they remain and must be managed.
odd segue but bear with me...a few years back i was diagnosed with eye floaters in my right eye - these stupid little grey/black spots in my vision, like my own personal swarm of gnats. my vision is FINE, no cataracts, etc, just these damn eye floaties. annoying.
they told me that OVER TIME my brain would learn to cancel them out, mostly. they'd still be there, my brain just wouldn't give them any attention. and it was true!!! then of course, the left eye had to get into it and i had a whole new set of floaties that looked and moved entirely differently!!! but again OVER TIME, my brain just cancels them out.
until the topic comes up. someone else mentions eye floaties, or i am relaying a story on the internet. THEN i can see 'em! lord they are everywhere! and now it will take some time for me to NOT keep them at the top of my thinking, get my brain busy on other stuff, and they will fade into the background. i also changed the lighting in my office from overhead to soft standing lamp. i don't spend a lot of time looking outside if it's super bright and there is reflection. i make sure my head is in the shade at least OR i'm wearing sunglasses. in other words, i take precautions to KEEP them at bay, not annoy them!! i set myself up for floatie free success! LOL
they tell me these floaties will never go away completely, i just have to deal.
it's the same with addiction. ain't no cure, but there is a solution!
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
When I had 13 months of sobriety, I got a "boredom craving" and I gave in.
That was October of 2018 and I've been struggling since. Thursday, Friday, Saturday were all pure hell. Thursday and Friday I couldn't even take it, so I got *********. Saturday I tapered and wanted to die.
Yesterday, the most I could do really was get up and try to eat. Watch a show on YouTube or something.
Great job telling that voice to shove it.
EDIT: A nice addition is that my eyes are still yellow. But it's my experience that they'll go back to bright and white again with sobriety.
That was October of 2018 and I've been struggling since. Thursday, Friday, Saturday were all pure hell. Thursday and Friday I couldn't even take it, so I got *********. Saturday I tapered and wanted to die.
Yesterday, the most I could do really was get up and try to eat. Watch a show on YouTube or something.
Great job telling that voice to shove it.
EDIT: A nice addition is that my eyes are still yellow. But it's my experience that they'll go back to bright and white again with sobriety.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Lascaux I drank for 20 years, It didn't take 20 years for me to change and not have those wanting to drink thoughts, but it did take longer than 55 days.
The more I built a sober life I loved, the more I changed and the more I didn't think about drinking.
You're doing great - you didn't drink and you came here to ask for help. Can't ask anymore than that
D
The more I built a sober life I loved, the more I changed and the more I didn't think about drinking.
You're doing great - you didn't drink and you came here to ask for help. Can't ask anymore than that
D
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Join Date: Apr 2019
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Posts: 435
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
part of it is psychological - well i just achieved a milestone therefore i deserve <<fill in the blank>>
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
“Is it just that my AV is realizing that this might be a long term decision and it's fighting back? ”
is it? a long-term decision?
saying “this might be a long term decision” sounds pretty iffy, giving that AV plenty of manoeuvering room and good foothold.
what happens if you say “this forever decision”?
mostly, at that one, the so-called AV cango nuts for a while. but for me, it brought peace.
is it? a long-term decision?
saying “this might be a long term decision” sounds pretty iffy, giving that AV plenty of manoeuvering room and good foothold.
what happens if you say “this forever decision”?
mostly, at that one, the so-called AV cango nuts for a while. but for me, it brought peace.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
What was suggested to me when I felt sort of 'flat' in my recovery, was to practice gratitude every day. Find at least one thing I was thankful for. I found it strengthened my sobriety and made me happier too.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: NC
Posts: 452
Thanks, everyone. My prior modus used to be to become tempted, give in and "ghost" SR until the next sobriety attempt. Happy it was different next time. This thread has given me a lot to think about and hopefully add to the toolkit - boredom relapsing and milestone relapsing are both things I've done in the past.
AnvilheadII, love the floatie story! I don't know if it's true but I remember reading about an experiment where the subject wore a pair of glasses that flipped everything upside down. After a certain period his brain rewired and he saw things correctly! Odd sequel, though - once the glasses were taken off he saw things upside down again until his brain could restore the original settings, lol.
AnvilheadII, love the floatie story! I don't know if it's true but I remember reading about an experiment where the subject wore a pair of glasses that flipped everything upside down. After a certain period his brain rewired and he saw things correctly! Odd sequel, though - once the glasses were taken off he saw things upside down again until his brain could restore the original settings, lol.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
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Lascaux- you reminded me why there's a book used in AA called A New Pair of Glasses. Call it new lenses, new glasses in toto, whatever, but the idea of a completely different view of our lives is powerful.
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