Slipped up
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 120
Slipped up
so I had a wonderful day with family yesterday. Best day. Came home late at night and after everyone went to bed I drank. I had a bottle left in the house. I contemplated dumping it but I didn’t. I just had no self control. I don’t even know why I did it. I’m feeling remorseful today and full of shame. There will be no more alcohol brought into this house. I should have reached out but my mind was already made up and that’s mynbiggest obstacle. Starting over. Working harder on my recovery plan tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 519
I also have been slipping lately, and yea it usually happens after a freaking awesome day, then I fall down and can't get up mentally or emotionally for a few days.
You can do it, we all can, just have to override the mind.
You can do it, we all can, just have to override the mind.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 118
I could have the greatest day ever - exercise in the morning, healthy eating all day, nail every piece of work put in front of me, absolutely nail life, & then still wipe myself out with booze in the evening. So I absolutely empathise Lucy79. Best wishes & here's to a fresh new start!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
welcome back Lucy and NicLin 
I had to plan for the aftermath of big events as well - whenever I did 'well' there'd be an urge to celebrate or reward myself and the only reward or celebration I knew of was drinking.
When you become aware of a pattern you can plan for a different outcome
You can also plan before something, and during, if needed
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
I had to plan for the aftermath of big events as well - whenever I did 'well' there'd be an urge to celebrate or reward myself and the only reward or celebration I knew of was drinking.
When you become aware of a pattern you can plan for a different outcome
You can also plan before something, and during, if needed
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Oakland
Posts: 561
I feel you on the no control. It's like being on autopilot. I'm big on shame too. What's helps me is compassion. I'm good at thinking I suck. But it's the love and community here and in the rooms that pick me up. You got this. If I can do it so can you!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
I'm sure you learned something from this, Lucy. It happened to me a few times in the early days of reclaiming my life. Each time I was more disgusted with myself than the last - so tired of having to recover repeatedly. I now have 11 yrs. sober, so I'm living proof that you can rise above this & get back on track. You too, Nic.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 120
Thank you everyone for the encouraging replies. I'm glad I have this support and I'm not alone. I feel good today in recognizing that yes, I think I just use any reason to drink. Like Nic said, celebrating a good day. I know what I should have done and I should have gotten rid of that bottle on day one but completely forgot about it. I should have poured it out that night but I didn't. There will be no more alcohol in this house as I checked all the hiding spots again today. I did have wine in the house on a shelf for show. I do not drink wine but I gave it to my neighbor today. I don't know if I would get desperate and open it or not. I don't trust myself that it wouldn't happen. Feeling more confident. Joined in on an online meeting this morning. I didn't share but I enjoyed being part of it and reading everyone's shares. It's beautiful outside today so I'm going to do a little yard work before the kids get home. I think I may start my own accountability thread. Seems like a good idea. My hardest time is at night. For some ridiculous reason I feel like drinking helps me get things done or motivates me. But that is a huge lie. years and years ago I would drink and clean the whole house. Now I start drinking an I'm a sloppy mess that gets nothing done. It's lie I'm chasing the high that I will never get again. I don't get buzzed and happy, I pour poison down my throat and black out. If any of that made sense. lol
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Originally Posted by Lucy79 
For some ridiculous reason I feel like drinking helps me get things done or motivates me. But that is a huge lie. years and years ago I would drink and clean the whole house. Now I start drinking an I'm a sloppy mess that gets nothing done.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Gainesville, Fl
Posts: 435
I did the same thing. I used bourbon for so long as a crutch for anxiety/panic attacks, that when I got sober I was scared to not have my crutch in the house.....just in case....So when I finally cracked, I didn't have a "sit outside the store" moment. An entire handle of bourbon sitting in a kitchen cabinet. A day later it was gone. Now, no more in the house. No just in case.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 120
Thank you for checking on me! I'm am doing good. On day three. I've just been very tired as I'm not sleeping well, but I already know how that goes. Keeping busy none the less. Did an online meeting this morning. Tonight I am taking my daughter shopping for a prom dress so keep me in your prayers lol!! Last time we shopped or a dress, it was less than a pleasant experience 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 120
Thanks guys! Just got home and it was a success! It literally couldn't have gone better and I'm so grateful. Found a beautiful dress. Looking or shoes tomorrow. Making a snack and then some tea. No cravings this evening which is great. Just bouts of extreme fatigue. I'm actually looking forward to just laying in my bed, even if it's another night of insomnia, at least I'm sober.
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