splendra

I am am having a hard time. My mother and my husband passed away in the same month in July it will be 2 years. It has been a huge loss.

The situation is getting worse because of my sister who lived all her life addicted and tied to my mother's apron and money strings. My brothers and I have tried to help my sister and her disabled son adjust to the changes.
After my husband died I had to find a place to live. I moved in with an old friend who needed financial help in a really cool place that I like a lot. My sister dumped her son on me here. My room mate is not happy at all about having to deal with all the subtle nuances of an autistic adult who has lost the main person in their life (my mother). Now on top of that my sister is calling me threatening to commit suicide again. I have called 9-11 and had her picked up by mental health people several times. They just keep her for a couple of days and run her off. Anyway I am at a loss as to what to do. This is hurting my heart so bad.
My brothers want me to put my nephew in a home for people like him. The thing about that is I have a really hard time navigating the bureaucracy to have this happen. I am dyslexic and I have a very hard time filling out forms and I am stressed and feel very stuck. The past 15 years of my life have been a very bumpy ride.
My sister stole my ID 15 years ago and used it for a few bad things the worst thing she did with my ID was use it to get busted for drugs. I lost everything I had over it. I have been scratching and clawing so hard to pull myself out of that mess not to mention all the other loss I have encountered . I know this is the only place where I can state my situation with people who can understand.
Thanks for listening.

Mango212

Hi Splenda,

One foot in front of the other. What are you able and willing to do today? Break this down a bit.

There are many paths to healing. All it takes is finding one that is helping you -- Al-Anon, Celebrate Recovery and Community Resources/Help Centers can be a really great part of that. ((((hugs))))

qtpi

I feel for you. I have an autistic nephew who is in a supervised home. I helped my sister through the process of placement. There is probably a social worker available to help you evaluate options. You can probably call his school for a referral, even if he is no longer going to school. Good luck!

dandylion

Splenda...Hi, and I love your screen name!
First, I would like to say that I am so sorry for your loss of your husband and mother.
You must be a very constitutionally strong, after all that you have shouldered and endured.
I think that qtpi's idea of getting a social worker to help you with the filling out of the forms.....(you can look for your local county government, on the internet...and find a number to call for an appointment)….
You might, also, find help/resources through the following website....

Home - Autism Society

Mango212

Splendra,

Keep in mind contrast/difficult times fuel desire. Better feelings, opportunities and easy moments of things working out are possible.

An A.H. take on the grieving process (disclaimer - I put my first intro to A.H., a dusty, old cd, into the trash! Take what you like and leave the rest.)

https://youtu.be/xa79PhMz9FU

There were some words I really needed to hear in this today, along with one of your past threads. Thank you for posting and sharing. May you have many blessings in this day.

Namaste

Seren

Hi Splendra,

It is nice to "see" you again

I'm so sorry for the losses you have suffered and for the position in which you find yourself today. You certainly deserve some peace!

Have you tried contacting a social worker where you live? They might be able to provide you with help and guidance as far as your nephew is concerned. I have found that the social workers at the hospitals in which my stepson was admitted were very kind and helpful!!

splendra

It is good to see you too and thank you and the others who have stopped by and commented. I really need as much feedback as possible. I have tried to get the ball rolling. My sister needs to cooperate too because she has legal custody. I guess I just need to get up off my butt and take the bull by the horns. I get tired of my sister calling me to tell me she is going to commit suicide. It makes me feel so stuck. I am so @&^$(*&^@! tired of all this stuff. I am tired of my sister not taking responsibility for her stuff and always throwing it on me. She literately just left her son at my door and called to say she was going to go kill her self. Her son was so upset and he just cried so hard that it shook the house. I know he has been thru a lot since m mother died and I know mom hung on as long as she did because she saw this whole senerio coming. Actually, we all saw the writing on the wall and were dreading it.
I can't do anything today as far as making steps with the system that I have to deal with in order to find my nephew somewhere to live permanently. My roommate is trying to not be a too hard on me about it but, they are clear that they don't want my nephew here. My nephew has put a burden on me financially so I can't just move somewhere else I just don't have the money to do it.

Again thank you all for walking with me thru this.

Mango212

What do you want?

I'm hearing "peace". Would that be one of the top things?

What else do you want for yourself? You are very important.

I was encouraged yesterday by a DV recovery advocate to keep making positive intents, as when we're putting them out there we give ourselves goals that naturally are worked towards, whether we really pay attention to them or not.

Mango212

Is your roommate letting their feelings on this be known constantly, or stating this and trusting you're in a difficult position and taking steps to move ahead?

Is it a deal-breaker in remaining where you are living?

splendra

The roommate wants my nephew gone and is not holding back on that they are trying to force me to do something quick. I really hate having to deal with the system.

I don't like that I am being forced to deal with it, It feels like it is not really my responsibility or place to have to do so but, here I am being forced against my will to deal with it.

Mango212

Is your nephew 18 or older? Just to clarify the legal aspects. Social workers may be able to provide services/opportunities for him without your sister being involved.

When did he move in?

splendra

He is 24 years old he has been with me this time for 2 months. I took him when my sister managed to get herself kicked out of my mother's house and was homeless after that. Then after 2 months she came and got him and took him on a little homeless adventure for about 3 months then she dumped him on my door.
I have been told that before he can be placed that he has to be evaluated by a doctor so they can find a home that can deal with him on his level of competency, I can't get him in to a doctor without my sister. I have tried to get him to a doctor.. It is beginning to look like I am just going have to turn him over to the system and him have to go into foster care until they find him a permanent situation. I know how difficult change is for him and I have hoped he could go from being with me to his permanent situation. I have been trying to keep him from more pain and confusion but it looks like I can't control that.

NYCDoglvr

So why can't your brothers handle the bureaucracy?

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, it must be so painful. A big hug.

splendra

Thanks for the hug I need it.My one brother lives out of state and has recently gotten out of prison and is not allowed to leave the state. BTW he is doing very well and has helped me several times with money which was greatly appreciated. It is a relief to know he is doing good because he had a long bout with his addiction.

My other brother is very handicapped and struggling to stay clean while trying to help my sister and he doesn't have I car. I don't have a car or much money either. I just hate to call DSS and tell them to come pick him up he has been thru so much and it doesn't seem fair that he has to face all this mess. He is quickly tapping my resources though and where as before I was keeping myself in between the ditched pretty good now it is just a giant mess probably the worst mess of my life. I am not getting any younger either. I am just stuck is all I guess I will just have to do what I can.

hopeful4

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Huge hugs!

qtpi

I just wanted to let you know since my autistic nephew was placed in a group home he is much happier. And he has nice parents. But still a young man wants to live on his own and he probably will be with other similar young men and he will supervised.and they all do "guy" things not Mom and son things. Its worth the effort. My nephew is very challenged but he would rather hang with other young men than with Mom and Dad.

splendra

My sister has been calling every other day or so saying that she is going to commit suicide. Yesterday she sent me a text saying that she took some kind of cocktail. So I called 911 I told them that all I have is her phone number they said they couldn't do anything with a phone number that they need an address. My family is not very worried about it. I am very worried. I asked my brothers and my son to call and she doesn't answer. I pray that she is okay...

Mango212

Hi Splendra,

This is where the Serenity Prayer and breaking things down to what you can do for yourself comes into play. Finding a number to call. Maybe for help with your nephew. Maybe a suicide hotline simply to talk to them about the stress you're dealing with from these text messages. They may be able to provide some perspective. Or not. It's worth a phone call to find out. (((hugs)))

Small things can help direct focus to things we can do something about.

Prayers are with you and your family.

Mango212

Serenity Prayer - for courage, wisdom and peace of mind

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

PuzzledHeart

Then all you can do then is ask for an address the next time she contacts you. And if she doesn't give you an address, then she is telling you she is unwilling to accept the help she needs, which is very different from the help she wants.

If she makes you run in circles in the effort to get that address, then all she's telling you is that she's playing games with her own health, and I suspect that's a game that you very much do not want to play.

I know nothing I say will diminish the pain, anxiety and grief that you feel. I wish that your sister had the capacity to realize that you are going through your own trauma with the loss of your mum and your husband. I wish my own sister had the capacity to comprehend other people's pain. However, I suspect that you and I would be waiting a long time for that to happen.

You are so busy taking care of everybody else - I do hope you take many moments to take care of yourself. You've been through so much.