peaceandfreedom

Hey guys,

I'm day 5 sober here.

I have had racing thoughts all day, feeling paranoid, feeling sad. In a relationship currently and I want to remain in it, but when I was drunk I was never getting my emotional needs met, and now I'm sober I'm not either. He wants it to go a lot slower than me, we've already been together for 6 months. I guess I'm struggling with not feeling wanted by him.

I'm also struggling with the feelings of sadness of wasting years of my life to booze. And how different ALL my relationships would have been if I hadn't done that. Much regret.

I'm feeling anxious and overly emotional. I feel like running away and starting again somewhere.

I can't tell my current guy I'm newly sober, cos it was a big point of contention when we first dated a few years ago. I was using alcohol big time then, and it really hurt out relationship.

I don't know what to do. Please tell me everything will work out ok and its just the withdrawals that are making me feel this despair right now?

Anyone

Dee74

Things will get a lot better than they are now on day 5 for sure - the emotional rollercoaster will slow down, and eventually, stop.

I don;t think slowing things down is a bad idea - you wouldn't be the first person to be tempted to fill the hole alcohol has left with a new (or an old relationship)

I'm not saying break up with this guy, but I am saying treat your recovery as a priority.

Day 5 is very early. All I could do for my first 30 days was just not drink.

In a little time you'll be more secure in your recovery, more emotionally stable and maybe sharing your new recovery won't seem like a bad idea

D

Guener

I'm no relationship expert by any means, but are you sure that you have given enough time in sobriety to figure out how things may change now that you are not drinking? It's not as if just stopping alcohol is going to fix things to be the way that we like them to be in a fell swoop. That's not true for me in how I was altering my own thoughts and feelings for quite some time, and it is even more difficult to measure how others close to us are going to react as we go through a really different phase in our lives.

Are you depending upon this person more than you should to fill the space that is left when you have now stopped? Because the latter, it seems to me, just isn't really a viable thing to consider. If you were drinking when you got together, what was the basis for it then vs. now, and are you projecting unreasonable expectations onto this relationship? Six months isn't a long time for any relationship to put heavy weight upon it for you in recovery, at least that's my estimation.

Mariecheese

Hi I'm on day 2 I am feeling a lot of the sadness and anxiety too. Its so hard. My marriage is ok but I feel like I've messed up too badly in the past too. That I can never make it up but I can start by not drinking. Im going to try and keep busy to keep my mind off the sad feelings. Take care xx

peaceandfreedom

Wow... thank you guys!!!! thank you so so much. Dee, you're right, I will put my recovery first. Guener, you're right, this is no way NEAR enough time to work out how things are going to be with me quitting drinking. It's so hard to embrace the concept that my entire brain is changing .... a changing brain trying to grasp the concept of itself changing is so tricky :S thank you for pointing this out I needed to hear it.

I have a history of placing too much expectations on relationships, likely this is what I am reverting to now under all this stress of quitting drinking...sorry.. process of quitting drinking, its not all stressful I guess, just challenging :S And thank you, I feel better that its still just a fresh relationship.

Alcohol gave me unhealthy expectations, and I fear these are things I need to work through now. Likely gave me a whole bunch more negative things that I haven't even thought of yet.

I think I will sign up for counselling too to help me out. This is a real challenge and today it's hurting a lot.

Thanks immensely, can't say that enough you guys

Dee74

Remember this is only day two Marie - you're going to feel a lot better and you'll be a lot more capable at sorting out whatever needs sorting out a little further down the road.

Put staying sober first for now

D

Canuck76

My drinking has ruined every relationship I've been in. Fortunately, I was never married or had kids because that would have made things even harder for me as far as guilt/shame. I can't even make it a couple months into dating before my alcoholism rears its ugly head.

You are experiencing what all alcoholics do when they sober up initially. It will take a while to deal with the damage. I had to go back on antidepressants recently but they are helping quite a bit. I am only day 4 but this time don't have suicidal ideations.

Tailai

Obladi

Hi peaceandfreedom,

Really good idea to find a therapist. That's exactly what I was thinking as I was reading your story.

Welcome and congratulations on your 5 days. That's awesome and a great way to head into the weekend!

O

Mummyto2

Dont look back, your not going that way, well done on day 5 keep going and things tend to fall into place

thomas11

If you are like most of us, there is a lot going on in the early days mentally, emotionally and physically. Time heals all wounds. Stay the course, I'm sure you will do just fine.

MLD51

Early days are really an emotional roller coaster. Try to set aside everything but staying sober for quite some time. That's enough to deal with, without trying to figure out what's going to happen with your relationship. Counseling is a great idea. It will help you sort through some of these feelings. I understand the anxiety and overactive thinking very well - I had a really tough time my first few weeks, I just wanted things to settle down and be ok. I was impatient to have everything worked out. Well, it just doesn't happen that way. Focus on taking care of yourself for now. Get plenty of rest, eat well, hydrate. Act as if you are recovering from a long illness, because in reality, you are. Don't make any major decisions right now.