Struggling Again Day 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Warrington, England
Posts: 65
Struggling Again Day 1
Hi I'm 32 and Im a married stay at home mother of two children. Ive been drinking on and off now for around 10 years, usually pretty heavily, Ive gotten myself into some messes, broken my leg, had black outs etc. Ive picked myself up, recovered but then made all the same mistakes, I start justifying the drinking to myself, everyone drinks, I will only have one etc, and end up in the same sorry states, making poor choices, making a fool of myself. I am so ashamed and embarrassed.
Husband has supported and stood by me but hes had enough, hes given me so many chances to sort myself out. My elder child has started to notice when I'm 'tired' I dont want that for them anymore. They still think the world of me despite me not being a great role model. They are such great kids too. My appearance is suffering, im bloated and look unhealthy, I am begining to feel physical effects of my drinking, chest pains, and tiredness. sores and blisters.
Right now its day 1 and im suffering withdrawal, Ive got the jitters, Im sweating, Anxiety and shame is through the roof, feel alone, feel like everyone hates me, I dont think I deserve another chance. I am craving more drink to take the anxiety away, but I know I must ride it about. I'm scared I will never get through this. that its too late for my marriage to be good again, that everything is tainted and ruined.
I am here because I do want to get sober and I would appreciate any advice or support you can give.. Thankyou for reading.
Husband has supported and stood by me but hes had enough, hes given me so many chances to sort myself out. My elder child has started to notice when I'm 'tired' I dont want that for them anymore. They still think the world of me despite me not being a great role model. They are such great kids too. My appearance is suffering, im bloated and look unhealthy, I am begining to feel physical effects of my drinking, chest pains, and tiredness. sores and blisters.
Right now its day 1 and im suffering withdrawal, Ive got the jitters, Im sweating, Anxiety and shame is through the roof, feel alone, feel like everyone hates me, I dont think I deserve another chance. I am craving more drink to take the anxiety away, but I know I must ride it about. I'm scared I will never get through this. that its too late for my marriage to be good again, that everything is tainted and ruined.
I am here because I do want to get sober and I would appreciate any advice or support you can give.. Thankyou for reading.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
Hi Marie,
Welcome to SR and congratulations on choosing the path of sobriety! In the earliest days it is most important to practice self care while going through the detox process. Plenty of rest and lots of water.
Have you thought about a plan of action? Maybe joining a fellowship group like AA or going to therapy?
Welcome to SR and congratulations on choosing the path of sobriety! In the earliest days it is most important to practice self care while going through the detox process. Plenty of rest and lots of water.
Have you thought about a plan of action? Maybe joining a fellowship group like AA or going to therapy?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Oakland
Posts: 561
yay! It sucks to feel the way you feel but it's probably good in the long run because it's the motivation you need to make the start. you can totally do this. You have a disease and the only way to deal with it is to treat it by stopping drinking and getting help. but then I'm here on and off for a long time and one thing I've learned is that I can't do this by myself. And I have to take suggestion and do what other people suggest I do. That's extremely hard for me. And I get wrong all day everyday. But I've got maybe seven days today and I'm so ****** grateful.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 27
Hi Marie, I'm one of the moms in the April class, and on day 2. I'm 36 and my kids are 5&3. I know what you mean with the older one taking notice. I work but they see it nights and weekends. Hang in there and hope you can get back into therapy for additional support
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Mar,
I learned here that I had brain damage from drinking too much. I was very physically and mentally addicted.
It hurt like I can't easily explain to get clean and the only way out was to suffer. I worked out because since I was no longer drinking my energy was better, even though my mind told me otherwise.
Mentally there was some serious damage that needed healing or rerouting. I still suffer, but I can feel it getting better by the moment.
Being proudly sober, born again non drinker, is for me. Booze was a learned behavior that I have unlearned.
SR saved my life.
Thanks.
I learned here that I had brain damage from drinking too much. I was very physically and mentally addicted.
It hurt like I can't easily explain to get clean and the only way out was to suffer. I worked out because since I was no longer drinking my energy was better, even though my mind told me otherwise.
Mentally there was some serious damage that needed healing or rerouting. I still suffer, but I can feel it getting better by the moment.
Being proudly sober, born again non drinker, is for me. Booze was a learned behavior that I have unlearned.
SR saved my life.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Warrington, England
Posts: 65
Thankyou all. My children are 8 and 4. I need to make this choice for them. I do feel my brain chemistry is damaged. Sometimes i don't drink for weeks and I feel so much better and clearer in myself I just need to keep it up! One day at a time I guess. I will join the april thread. Thanks again
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 310
Hello Marie 
You are fabulous for deciding to live the happy, healthy, sober life you deserve. Absolutely keep sharing your successes and struggles here. The people on this forum are supportive, non-judgemental and understand where you are.
You can do this. Love to you x
You are fabulous for deciding to live the happy, healthy, sober life you deserve. Absolutely keep sharing your successes and struggles here. The people on this forum are supportive, non-judgemental and understand where you are.
You can do this. Love to you x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 60
Marie, welcome and well done on posting how you feel. I was literally you a month ago...sweating, shaking, vomiting, hating myself and all the while wanting to drink to take the shame I felt about my actions away, but I knew if I did it was over for me, my children would either get taken away from me or I’d die. My kids are 3 and 1 and I’ve struggled with alcoholism since I was young but felt as I held down a job, a car...never been done for drink driving (never caught!) wasn’t a down and out I couldn’t possibly have a drink problem!? I was simply a “normal” 39 year old women who liked a drink!) periods of sobriety have happened but I’ve been miserable! My last drink wasn’t my worse but by god how I felt about myself I will never forget! and gave me the wonderful gift of knowing finally i was an alcoholic! And I feel relieved, I attend A.A and life has improved in 28 short days. I’ve a lifetime to go but a day at a time.
I just want you to know you arent alone, you deserve a sober life as does your family.
sending huge hugs
peace x
I just want you to know you arent alone, you deserve a sober life as does your family.
sending huge hugs
peace x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: England
Posts: 645
Originally Posted by Mariecheese 
Thankyou all. My children are 8 and 4. I need to make this choice for them. I do feel my brain chemistry is damaged. Sometimes i don't drink for weeks and I feel so much better and clearer in myself I just need to keep it up! One day at a time I guess. I will join the april thread. Thanks again
I have two kids and when I gave up I made that choice for ME.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 230
Hi Marie
Good to see you posting. My advice would be not to stop trying.
Getting sober does not come easy to some people. I have had a lot of difficulty the lash 12 months and am now am16 days sober.
One day at s time things will get much better for you and your family.
Good to see you posting. My advice would be not to stop trying.
Getting sober does not come easy to some people. I have had a lot of difficulty the lash 12 months and am now am16 days sober.
One day at s time things will get much better for you and your family.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
At the age of 30, married, stay at home mom of
2 little ones, I was placed into the hands of those
capable to teach me about addiction and hand
me a gift of a recovery program as a guideline
to incorporate in my everyday life on a continuous
bases moving forward.
That was some 28 yrs of one days sober ago
that I began my journey living a recovery life
incorporating many tools and loads of knowledge
taught to me with willingness, openmindedness
and honesty to achieve health and happiness in
my life.
The most awesome thing about sobriety and
recovery is, you, we, us, never have to go thru
it alone or by ourselves. The fellowship within
recovery is always available to us whether here
in SR or in meetings, counciling, theraphy, is
extremely comforting and helpful.
We are here for you as you begin your own
life in recovery with understanding, care, support
each day you remain sober.
2 little ones, I was placed into the hands of those
capable to teach me about addiction and hand
me a gift of a recovery program as a guideline
to incorporate in my everyday life on a continuous
bases moving forward.
That was some 28 yrs of one days sober ago
that I began my journey living a recovery life
incorporating many tools and loads of knowledge
taught to me with willingness, openmindedness
and honesty to achieve health and happiness in
my life.
The most awesome thing about sobriety and
recovery is, you, we, us, never have to go thru
it alone or by ourselves. The fellowship within
recovery is always available to us whether here
in SR or in meetings, counciling, theraphy, is
extremely comforting and helpful.
We are here for you as you begin your own
life in recovery with understanding, care, support
each day you remain sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Warrington, England
Posts: 65
Thankyou all for your supportive messages, I'm going to come back and read them when I get the inevitable cravings. I thought i was quite alone. I did think I was normal and coping, because i do tend to be quite functioning, housework done cleaning and cooking and so on but my drinking has become progressive and I was in denial. Lying to myself, you can have one drink. You deserve it etc. Telling my self it would be the last time I would do it but it was never the last time. I really don't want to do it to myself or my family anymore
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 310
Originally Posted by Mariecheese
I'm scared I will never get through this. that its too late for my marriage to be good again, that everything is tainted and ruined.
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