Livingonwishes

Hi All,

As some of you will know from my previous threads I stopped drinking back in November 2018 and went to my first AA meeting the day after my last drink.

I'm now over 4 months sober and attending at least 2 meetings a week and really enjoying listening to everyone sharing their experiences and the problems they have had and are having as they continue their sobriety. It is inspiring listening to people share their successes, failures and whatever they have on their mind and is one of the main reasons I am still sober and continue to go to meetings.

However I have a problem that I am struggling to overcome and that is that in the 129 days I have been sober and attending the meetings I haven't been able to share. I seem to be suffering from Terminal Social Anxiety and I am worried that it's becoming an issue not just for me but for others that attend the same meetings on a regular basis.

It's strange because I will happily read the Preamble or Promises etc with the minimum of nerves and can happily talk to individual members about my life and my problems with Alcohol but as soon as I get the opportunity to share to the group as a whole I start sweating, my heart thumps in my chest and my mind just goes blank. This has happened several times over the months and it's getting to the point where I just stare at the floor between shares and hope no one looks at me.

I know some of it is down to the fact that I have very little to do every day other than look for work and most of my social interactions are at meetings so I have little to share in that regard. There have also been times where the first shares are quite emotional and in some cases traumatic and I just close down and say nothing as I don't want to be the next to speak and say that I have had a good week or whatever as I feel it would be wrong to be so positive when someone is obviously having a bad time even though I know deep down that a positive share may help that person in some small way.

But I also rarely think about Alcohol and, other than a couple of situations that cropped up early on in my recovery, I no longer connect drinking with those situations that would have had me reaching for a bottle before I found AA. I don't know whether that is a good or a bad thing, whether it is a sign that my recovery is heading in the right direction or if it's a case of burying my head in the sand and that there is an underlying issue I can't see.

The fact I can share all this on here makes the fact I can't bring myself to share in a meeting even worse.

If anyone out there has any comments or advice I would be very grateful.

Thanks as always for listening.

August252015

djlook

Hello, Living.

Congratulations on your four months.

I've been sober 21 years. I say trust your gut, don't share. When it comes your turn to identify yourself, simply say, "I'm ****, alcoholic, and I need to listen today. Thank you."

Do you have a sponsor? I shared in meetings before I had a sponsor just because I thought everyone expected me to. I really felt like an ass afterwards, probably because I sounded like an ass. When I got a sponsor and she took me through the steps, I had something to share; my experience, strength, and hope.

I've been attending a large meeting here for five years and I have not shared once. I love listening to the lone-time members who are willing to share their beautiful sobriety. There are so many people in the meeting I attend, they have to raise their to share, and there are plenty of them.

Speaking just for me, I think you're doing the right thing. I wish I had listened more in the beginning.

Good luck on your journey. You're certainly headed in the right direction.

Thank you for sharing what you shared.

Livingonwishes

Thanks August252015 and Djlook,

To answer your question I don't have a sponsor as yet. The 2 meetings I attend have a greater ratio of women than men and those men I have asked have all said they don't feel they can give me the time they feel I would need on a regular basis.
I am hopeful of getting a sponsor fairly soon and when I do my inability to share is something I want to discuss.

Thank you both for your input, it does give me food for thought!

djlook

Living.

Do you attend the one meeting or are you looking around for other meetings? The program is about helping another suffering alcoholic, giving it away, so that we can stay sober ourselves.

If you pray, pray about finding a sponsor. Someone will show up in your life. Anytime I try and force results, it's either not right for me or not right for the other person. You're wise to attend meetings and not share.

Gottalife

Hi Livingonwishes. Congrats on four months. I was wondering if you were 12 stepped or did you just turn up to a meeting cold, a very brave thing to do.

It was a while before I said anything in AA too, and like Djook, it turns out that listening was much more beneficial in any case. I had the advantage of being properly 12 stepped, so I came in with some idea how AA is supposed to work as in it being a total package, steps, sponsor, meetings, etc. and I was blessed with active members who knew their own sobriety depended on helping others, so I found a sponsor and also found many people willing to spend time with me outside of meetings.

I heard a couple of alarm bells in respect to your group. "My day" discussion meetings are something a bit different to "Each group has but one primary purpose, to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers". There is no Power in those meetings as evidenced by the fact that the mebemrs of that group are all "too busy" to sponsor. They have missed the whole point.

My suggestion would be to find some other meetings, preferably solution based. Step or Big Book Study meetings are good because the group is focussed on learning the solution. My home group is a big book study, it is very warm, friendly and safe, no drama, and about a third of the group put up their hands each week as available to sponsor.

Also, for the time you have no sponsor if you have a big book, study it, formulate questions, and ask individual members your questions after the meeting.

Livingonwishes

Thanks Gottalife,

I had no idea really what to expect when I first went to a meeting, in fact the only reason I went was because I have a friend who quit alcohol just before me and had already attended a meeting and let me tag along to her second one to see if I would get anything from it.

When I said "My Day" I did actually mean my day personally, not that we have a discussion around that as a topic. The experience I have from my groups are that a lot of the shares relating to the topic, whether it be Big Book, Daily Reflections, Step etc, seem to involve, at least in part, what has happened to the person sharing during the period between meetings and as I do the same thing day in day out with little variation I have little to share in that regard.

I go to 2 meetings on a weekly basis, one is a Daily Reflections meeting and the other is a general meeting that involves a reading from the Big Book and the days Daily Reflection. I do dip into other meetings when I can but the two main ones are the ones that I feel most comfortable at.

I have been reading the Big Book, or should I say choosing random passages or chapters depending on how much available time I have, and I do get a lot from it and I have to admit it has never occurred to me to formulate questions that I could ask other members. I guess I have been so caught up in trying to find a sponsor to answer any questions I have and help me through the book and the steps that I have ignored a simple and productive course of action.

Many thanks again.