Good news and bad news
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
Good news and bad news
Hello all!
I have not posted in quite a while as it is really a pain anymore - my security program will not let me onto this site, something about an "unsupported protocol" or some such gobble-de-**** in computereze. I have to post from an I-pad and hate the touch screen........
My daughter K is doing well and will be 3 years clean in about 10 days. She still lives in Florida and has recovered from the loss of her boyfriend in February of 2018. She is now in a stable relationship with a new fellow that we have met and like. He, unlike all of her past boyfriends, is a "normy" with no substance abuse issues ever. They are coming to visit us in Delaware for a few days, arriving on Saturday - we can't wait!
Still very active with our Nar-Anon home group and are involved with 12 step work at rehabs and addiction/recovery related events in the local area. We are not very anonymous anymore, I prefer the moniker of "Advocate for Recovery".
On a sad note, one couple from our home group lost their son last week and we attended the funeral on Sunday.
Billy, 30 years old, long time heroin addict, in and out of 30 day rehabs and then relapsing repeatedly. Musician, fun guy, loved by everyone. Billy was living at home after his most recent rehab stay and seeming to do well in his recovery this time.
His father, Bill, shared his fear during the last two Nar-Anon meetings that Billy might relapse when he and his wife went on a planned vacation out of state. Apparently this has happened before.
Bill's fears were well founded as Billy relapsed, overdosed and died while they were gone.
Bill and his wife made a conscious decision not to hide the truth about Billy's death and published this letter along with his funeral announcement; Billy wrote this during his most recent rehab stay:
" Dear Heroin,
You have ruined my life and caused me to destroy my own values and hurt those I love. You took away my control and have ruined my chances of being much more successful than I currently am. You take my money and time and force me to lie about my actions. Iamb a loving person but you make me less so. You take away friends and my music, you make me so sick I pray for death. I have gotten away from you before but you lured me back when you pushed all of the bad times to the back of my mind. This time I will not forget the shaking and sweating and puking. I will have more support this time and medical help with Vivitrol. I will slowly gain things back the longer I stay away from you? If I return to you again, please kill me quickly. I don't want to be a burden to any of my loved ones anymore. It is not worth it. I will regain a life worth living without you. To be with you is a fate as bad as death. Iamb sure I will miss you from time to time but that is insane. This is the paradox of your effect on me. See you in Hell, heroin.
Billy B."
The funeral was very well attended by friends and family ( a hundred + people). There was no "service" so to speak or even an agenda. It was an unique freestyle event in the Quaker meeting style with an open microphone which many of Billy's friends and fellow musicians visited and told stories of their time with Billy.
It was interesting to note that the first mention of Billy's struggle with heroin addiction came from his long time girlfriend who spoke next to last. She loved Billy but hated his addiction.
Billy's parents were the last to speak, they thanked everyone for coming and his mother managed to read Billy's letter in case anyone had not already seen it - a stronger person than I would have been. They had placed Billy's NA Sobriety coins in the casket with him, I saw four 1 month coins and a few others before I turned away.
Unfortunately Billy's wish in his letter came true. Nine of us from his parents' home group came to the funeral and we all agreed, "There, but for the grace of God, go I."
So young, so fragile, what a waste.
Jim
I have not posted in quite a while as it is really a pain anymore - my security program will not let me onto this site, something about an "unsupported protocol" or some such gobble-de-**** in computereze. I have to post from an I-pad and hate the touch screen........
My daughter K is doing well and will be 3 years clean in about 10 days. She still lives in Florida and has recovered from the loss of her boyfriend in February of 2018. She is now in a stable relationship with a new fellow that we have met and like. He, unlike all of her past boyfriends, is a "normy" with no substance abuse issues ever. They are coming to visit us in Delaware for a few days, arriving on Saturday - we can't wait!
Still very active with our Nar-Anon home group and are involved with 12 step work at rehabs and addiction/recovery related events in the local area. We are not very anonymous anymore, I prefer the moniker of "Advocate for Recovery".
On a sad note, one couple from our home group lost their son last week and we attended the funeral on Sunday.
Billy, 30 years old, long time heroin addict, in and out of 30 day rehabs and then relapsing repeatedly. Musician, fun guy, loved by everyone. Billy was living at home after his most recent rehab stay and seeming to do well in his recovery this time.
His father, Bill, shared his fear during the last two Nar-Anon meetings that Billy might relapse when he and his wife went on a planned vacation out of state. Apparently this has happened before.
Bill's fears were well founded as Billy relapsed, overdosed and died while they were gone.
Bill and his wife made a conscious decision not to hide the truth about Billy's death and published this letter along with his funeral announcement; Billy wrote this during his most recent rehab stay:
" Dear Heroin,
You have ruined my life and caused me to destroy my own values and hurt those I love. You took away my control and have ruined my chances of being much more successful than I currently am. You take my money and time and force me to lie about my actions. Iamb a loving person but you make me less so. You take away friends and my music, you make me so sick I pray for death. I have gotten away from you before but you lured me back when you pushed all of the bad times to the back of my mind. This time I will not forget the shaking and sweating and puking. I will have more support this time and medical help with Vivitrol. I will slowly gain things back the longer I stay away from you? If I return to you again, please kill me quickly. I don't want to be a burden to any of my loved ones anymore. It is not worth it. I will regain a life worth living without you. To be with you is a fate as bad as death. Iamb sure I will miss you from time to time but that is insane. This is the paradox of your effect on me. See you in Hell, heroin.
Billy B."
The funeral was very well attended by friends and family ( a hundred + people). There was no "service" so to speak or even an agenda. It was an unique freestyle event in the Quaker meeting style with an open microphone which many of Billy's friends and fellow musicians visited and told stories of their time with Billy.
It was interesting to note that the first mention of Billy's struggle with heroin addiction came from his long time girlfriend who spoke next to last. She loved Billy but hated his addiction.
Billy's parents were the last to speak, they thanked everyone for coming and his mother managed to read Billy's letter in case anyone had not already seen it - a stronger person than I would have been. They had placed Billy's NA Sobriety coins in the casket with him, I saw four 1 month coins and a few others before I turned away.
Unfortunately Billy's wish in his letter came true. Nine of us from his parents' home group came to the funeral and we all agreed, "There, but for the grace of God, go I."
So young, so fragile, what a waste.
Jim
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Hauppauge, NY
Posts: 62
This is heartbreaking on so many levels. I am glad that Billy is at peace now with no more pain. I hate f*&$ing heroin!! Glad that your daughter is doing so well, so there is always hope. God bless!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
So sad. JJ is nearing his 2 year mark clean and sober and several of his fellow "ranchers" from a few years ago have died in this time frame. JJ stated that as an addict, it is a real possibility that each addict understands can happen to them at any time. So terribly devastating to everyone who loves their addict. I thank God for JJ's sobriety and I pray daily for the addicts in our lives to find their way out.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
God bless Billy's parents, and all who loved him, Jim. We know that using drugs is flirting with death but it never fails to knock my breath away each time we actually lose someone.
On a happier note, I am so pleased that your daughter is doing so well and I hope you have a wonderful time when she comes to visit.
Thanks for checking in. I love how you write and how you have stayed with Naranon and advocated for recovery for so long now.
On a happier note, I am so pleased that your daughter is doing so well and I hope you have a wonderful time when she comes to visit.
Thanks for checking in. I love how you write and how you have stayed with Naranon and advocated for recovery for so long now.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Faith~Hope~Love
Posts: 963
I'm so sorry for the loss of Billy. I happened to read his obituary in our local paper and the poem really hit home with me. So terribly sad for his parents and all who loved him and unfortunately, we lose too many addicts to this awful disease. A former coworker lost her brother last November and I attended his funeral. Also a talented musician and clearly adored by his many friends who spoke, as well as the priest and teachers who knew him and taught him as a child and young man. So senseless and tragic 
I'm happy to hear K is doing so well and know you will enjoy your much anticipated visit.
I'm happy to hear K is doing so well and know you will enjoy your much anticipated visit.
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