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I know it's on me but I live in a party house

Old 03-31-2019, 06:40 PM
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I know it's on me but I live in a party house

I was gonna see out Day 6 sober no problem. Worked seven hours, was pretty tired. But no housemates back, at 10pm. Bad sign. Still planned on a nice sober night. It got till 1am with me going out of my mind - AV raging - knowing they would come back f***ed up, who knew when. Got wine. They came back f***ed up. Other people rang doorbell afterwards. This is a Sunday night, right? I can't get dry in this house; I can't afford to move out of this house...
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Old 03-31-2019, 06:44 PM
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Sounds like your AV is dancing on your head right now.

I neve would have thought it - but there's no imperative for you to join in. You could lock your door, put headphones on, stuff cotton wool in your ears...

I'm sure that other people here live with drinkers and partiers and stay sober, so it's not impossible.

I understand it's not easy tho - is moving back in with your folks an option until you find a new place better suited to recovery?

D
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Old 03-31-2019, 06:49 PM
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If you can't move out of that house, start saving, make that a priority.

Make up an excuse or the truth, and stick to it. What are you gonna say when your roomamtes wanna drink? What will you do?

Find an out. Leave the house, go to a coffee shop and read a book, do anything you can.

This is your life and health on the line. You need to get out of there.
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Old 03-31-2019, 07:17 PM
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To be clear, they are partying upstairs but I gave in to drinking alone the minute I bought the wine. I hold my hands up to that. I just don't have the sober muscle to deal with that s**t (and not knowing when they'd be back) without the crutch of booze. I have enough sleep issues at the best of times.

Dee, though I stayed at my dad's recently he lives in another city, and my mum the other side of the country.

And Kinzoku, I can't afford to save on minimum wage and benefits. And I have no confidence to find another job.

Also - it gets better - my job... I am a bartender. I have been a bartender for 13 years and never done anything else but shop work in my teens; my housemates also work in bars/kitchens.

Wish me luck.
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Old 03-31-2019, 07:31 PM
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Tetrax, of course i wish you luck, but luck is random, unpredictable, uncontrollable, unreliable....it is not what is needed to get and stay sober.

change, action, perseverance, stuff like that......that is what is needed.
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Old 04-01-2019, 06:36 AM
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I'm going to contribute a couple of things, Tetrax.

When I first got sober I was shocked at some of the questions my sponsor asked me about what I was willing to do to get and stay sober? Particularly around money: get a roommate for my tiny apt (I lived alone), live in a homeless/transitional place, commit to a halfway house?? In the context of AA saying "to any lengths, at any cost" she was making me accept that "any" could mean things I would have thought outrageous.

And specifically to your job- I work in F&B also. I went to work around 5 wks sober at a fast food place. At 5 mo sober, and after careful thought and consideration (discussion with my sponsor, psych, sober support system) I asked for the serving job back that I had right before I quit drinking. It was, like you said, a money decision bc it was the one job I could get immediately and within about a month take on nearly all my own expenses, and within a year have all my debts paid off or on payment plans (it was hard but arranging things like $10 a month is truly a feasible plan on $2.13/hr + tips).

I lead a recovery group for our industry. I believe it is absolutely possible to get and stay sober in it- but it takes decisions on new habits to make it work, and that meant me leaving right after closing and check out, not staying to hang around the drinking folks (read: everyone) and so on....and I hear plenty of people with jobs like ours struggle in a living environment with others who are keeping up the life we have decided to give up, and as soon as moving is possible it seems to be the best, and certainly the safest, way to go.

Like noted above, it's not about luck - it's about change and choice. Glad you are sharing and you can do it. I do hope you do.
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Old 04-01-2019, 07:53 AM
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Could you maybe look into another flat share? If you are on minimum wage and benefits surely you'd qualify for housing benefit? Is your own place not an option at all even a bedsit or 1 bed place?
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Old 04-01-2019, 08:00 AM
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Sounds like you are pretty good at coming up with reasons why you can't quit Tetrax. And believe me, I did the same thing for a long time.

The thing is that your addiction lives inside you - so even if you could magically move to a new apartment and get a new job this very instant, your addiction would still be there.

So yes - certainly changing your surrounding could help....but the bottom line is that only you can make the absolute commitment to not drinking. And you can do that right now, right where you are if you choose.
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Old 04-01-2019, 09:02 AM
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I put off getting sober for years because I was convinced the outside influences in my life wouldn't allow me to, I was always complaining to myself that if only there was less of this and more of that then I would be able to get and stay sober. However, unless someone is holding you down and pouring alcohol into your mouth you can get sober anywhere, the only thing that matters is you and what you want. If you (like I was) are waiting for the perfect situation in which you think you will be able to maintain long term sobriety to magically happen, you will be waiting for a very long time. Once I realised this and put my sobriety first I was able to get sober and stay that way.

Good luck
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Old 04-01-2019, 09:15 AM
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If you truly wanted to be sober more than you wanted to drink, there would be no problem, no matter what your living conditions.
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Old 04-01-2019, 09:17 AM
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I was able to get sober when the person living in my home would drink in front of me every single night for the first 5 months of sobriety. Then I let him back in the house, and h would go to the bar for the next 6 months. SO it is possible. While that person no longer lives in my home, I made it. Here i am 1.5 years sober.

You will do whatever it is you are willing to do, for whatever it is you want to achieve.
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Old 04-01-2019, 09:42 AM
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You just have to commit not to drink. You may have more temptation than most, but you just have to commit.
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Old 04-01-2019, 10:10 AM
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At one point I stopped drinking and went through a horrible withdrawal (alcohol and klonopin). It was so bad that when I got to 2 weeks and it was still pretty bad I decided to stop, at least for awhile. I was living in a party house, my roommate drank himself to death several years later. But I was so disgusted by their drinking I had no issues staying sober. Wish I'd made a permanent commitment at that point, but I didn't drink for over 7 months, and when I did start again I drank relatively normally for a few years after.

It is possible.
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Old 04-01-2019, 10:37 AM
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Something doesn’t add up Tetrax? Where did you get wine at 1 in the morning in the U.K. on a Sunday night? Supermarkets are not open as they can only legally trade for 6 hours on a Sunday, garages are not legally allowed to sell alcohol at that time on a Sunday either. In fact you can only buy it between 10am and 10pm on a Sunday anywhere in the U.K. x
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Old 04-01-2019, 01:29 PM
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Originally Posted by MantaLady View Post
Something doesn’t add up Tetrax? Where did you get wine at 1 in the morning in the U.K. on a Sunday night? Supermarkets are not open as they can only legally trade for 6 hours on a Sunday, garages are not legally allowed to sell alcohol at that time on a Sunday either. In fact you can only buy it between 10am and 10pm on a Sunday anywhere in the U.K. x
You're kidding me right? You must've been sober a long time. I've got two off-licences selling booze 24/7 within five minutes' walk of my house.
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Old 04-01-2019, 01:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Tetrax View Post
You're kidding me right? You must've been sober a long time. I've got two off-licences selling booze 24/7 within five minutes' walk of my house.
Yeah, my local garage sells alcohol 24/7. My nephew worked there for a while doing nights including Sunday nights which he said was one of the busiest for selling alcohol due to the local supermarket not being open overnight on a Sunday night / Monday morning.
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Old 04-01-2019, 01:43 PM
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Some good advice here. Here's the thing, I don't know where you live but I can say that in a metropolitan area I pass by bars and restaurants and liquor stores all day long. Even if you're someone in the country, I'm sure there are very easy ways for you to access alcohol. So while I sympathize with the consumption being in your face, the truth is that no one's going to come and save you whether you're in a party house or just walking by yourself down the street. It's on you.
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Old 04-01-2019, 01:56 PM
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I feel for you. My alcohollism really got out of control living with the stress of a shared house with alcoholic housemates.

You need to get out of there if you try hard enough you will find a way. All the best to you and good luck!
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Old 04-01-2019, 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Tetrax View Post
You're kidding me right? You must've been sober a long time. I've got two off-licences selling booze 24/7 within five minutes' walk of my house.
10 months actually and it’s impossible round where I live to get alcohol after 10pm on a Sunday hence the question as your timeline didn’t make sense to me.

Get some headphones and tire yourself out during the day with exercise so you have more chance of being tired by midnight. If you live in a house of multiple occupancy raise it with the landlord. x
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Old 04-01-2019, 03:38 PM
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Getting and staying sober is about making changes and sacrifices.

There's no substitute for doing so.
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