Djw18

My fiance has been struggling with crack cocaine for nearly 2 years. We started dating and all was great at first. Then, we began using crack cocaine together. Four months into our relationship, I became pregnant and I quit using all drugs and alcohol. He still used throughout my pregnancy. He always promised and swore he would stop, and I believed him. I always thought once we had a family, he would come to his senses.
When our son was born, i thought he was clean, but he was just better at hiding it. I would cry and threaten to leave but I never did. He is, after all, a great father and loves our son. He goes to work and provides for us, but the drugs ultimately come before everything else.
And that brings me to today. Today all my worst fears came true when I got a phone call while at work. He called to tell me that he got in a car accident. He drove the car into a telephone pole, and thankfully him and my son were okay. But when he told me where he crashed, my heart sank. He was at the crack dealers house.
I instantly became ill and dizzy in disbelief. He had brought our 9 month old son with him to buy crack. And I cant help but feel like it's my fault. I knew he had a problem, and I left our infant son in his care. I guess I just never thought he would put our sons life in danger. I was wrong.
Im still very shook and feel sick. He swears he didn't smoke it around him, but I honestly dont know. His pupils were tiny and he looked stoned when I picked him up, so he had to have smoked it. I really want to call the police, but I just cant bring myself to it. He called and checked himself into rehab and he is leaving tomorrow.
I'm really not sure what will happen from here. I feel he is only going to rehab because he got caught, and that he really doesnt want to go. I'm still very nervous about my son as well. Should I bring him to the hospital? I'm sort of lost and I could use any advice or words of encouragement.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. It must have been very scary for you to hear. Good job on stopping drugs and alcohol when you became pregnant.

The main thing at this time, is your baby. I think it's important for you to know that you cannot trust your boyfriend with your baby. He should not drive with the baby in the car and I don't think you should leave the baby in his care. I'm sure all of this is very upsetting, but now you know the reality of the situation.

I hope that the rehab helps your boyfriend. We are here to offer support for you.

We also have a Forum for Friends & Families of Substance Abusers which you might like to check out:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tance-abusers/

Dee74

Welcome djw - I'm really sorry for what brings you here but this is a place fo grat understanding and support.

I think Anna's right - you babys welfare must come first, and your partner is not capable of providing that protection or care right now.

You said he's a great father and I don't doubt at times he has been but great fathers don't take their babies to crack houses and crash into telephone poles - I know that and I think deep down you do too.

my drugs were different but I know addiction and I'd wager he has been smoking/using around your son too.

I'm sorry - keep you and your baby safe,
D

D122y

Dj,

Addiction is not understood by most folks, but going to therapy can work if the addict really wants to quit.

Quiting is extremely hard. It hurts mentally forever. Once we addicts get the buzz, we can crave for life.

I only know about booze, but I have met a few crack addicts that have quit. There is hope, but only if your hubby is ready to fight for his life for a good long time.

It gets easier, but the crave is for life.

Sounds like you both are moving in the right direction. Unfortunately, the baby will be affected, but plenty of overachievers have had one or both parents that were addicts.

Thanks.

fini

“And I cant help but feel like it's my fault. I knew he had a problem, and I left our infant son in his care. I guess I just never thought he would put our sons life in danger. I was wrong”

Djw, sorry for what brings you here, and great you are looking at your part in this. it is not your fault he drove with your kid, but it is definitely your part that you kept (keep?) putting wishful thinking above taking measures just in case.
yes, you were wrong, and underestimated the hold of addiction.
you learned something very valuable, which will help you make the changes necessary to keep yourself and your son safe.
we have sections farther down the firums list for Friends and Families...bet you’d find lots of understanding, support and help there, too.

Djw18

Thank you all for the kind words. This is all still very fresh and I'm still trying to take it all in. All I want is for him to be clean and sober for our child's sake. In the future, he will not be alone ever again with our son and all I can say is, even though it was a horrible experience, I'm glad my baby is okay and it has been a serious wake up call. I will do everything I can to help him on his road to sobriety so he can be the best for our baby. Thanks again everyon