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Its check in time

Old 03-27-2019, 10:52 PM
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Its check in time

Hi all,

So, good news and bad news. Yes I did relapsed on day 58. I remember cause it lasted a few days and I got back into the swing of things. It seems as if my sobriety periods are getting shorter and shorter. What came with that during my recent periods of sobriety and going on a binge? Well how about this for a story. Earlier this month I'm on the side of my house drinking and next thing I know I see flashlights. Yep the police. I have moments of blackout which are scary for sure. So Im getting arrested. This was a Monday night. No phone, one shoe being hauled off along with the main charge they added resisting arrest. The icing on the cake? Not done I already have court for my previous cause that coming Thursday lol. I can't get a hold of anyone cause only number I know is my wife's. So I'm sol until I see the judge.

Days roll by and finally a known face while chained up with others in court. I see my lawyer for my original court case. He is like wtf? So he goes and gets my original case dismissed. New charges will also be dropped once I do what the court requests of me. Mean time I still havent talked to work. 3 days of no calls no shows means no job usually. I finally get back home with jail sandals on around 4am in the cold. I message work...wow they want to keep me. I was honest with them and told them what happened.

Another shot that their might be a higher power or just shear luck? On my way to meet up for my court duties I get pulled over cause of registration. Really expensive in this state especially for newer vehicles. Guess that morning I was already 2 tall cans deep. Guess what they just write me a citation for my tags and send me on my way. What couldve happened? DUI which would mean Im not in compliance with the stay out of trouble clause that is part of my agreement and 6 months in jail.

I just cant seem to take advantage of all the chances I have gotten.

WHY?

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Old 03-27-2019, 11:06 PM
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I didn't believe really bad stuff would ever happen to me.

Its only when I got sober and stayed that way that I realised really bad things had already happened to me and I dismissed them because I still wanted to drink.

I didn't want to be Mr Responsible. I figured I'd drink until I hit something so hard that I had no choice but to quit.

Trouble is, if you're waiting for something so bad that it scares you straight for the rest of your life that might never happen man.

I had to step and be a parent to myself.

The way I choosing to live again and again was great for an 18 yo but not a good look for someone pushing 40.

I'm glad I chose my side.

I get so much more satisfaction out of being an adult than I ever did out of living that drunken life.

I have more fun and more joy and more satisfaction now hanb I ever did back in the day.

Time to pick a side man. Make it a good choice.

D
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Old 03-27-2019, 11:33 PM
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It sounds like you've dodged a few bullets! What seems to derail you when you start to get some sober time built up?
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Old 03-28-2019, 12:22 AM
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I have to agree with Dee about not believing that bad things would happen to me, so I just kept drinking. Then the bad things did start happening to me, and I still didn't quit. When the really terrible things started to shove my face into the dirt, I started to get it. I wish I was listening more carefully to others instead of to my AV during the earlier days. There is nothing that protects us from consequences forever.
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Old 03-28-2019, 12:40 PM
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Good to see you getright. Work out what it is you need to do to avoid those cravings and do it, that way accumulating days is a lot easier and "escape velocity" - the point where not having a drink becomes much easier - arrives earlier. 58 is a fair amount so you can do it.
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Old 03-28-2019, 01:04 PM
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Originally Posted by getright15 View Post
I just cant seem to take advantage of all the chances I have gotten.

WHY?
For me it ended when I stopped asking why and just accepted that I "am" an alcoholic. Using consequences as the main vehicle to stay sober rarely works, if ever. And as lucky as it seems you have been this time around, you don't get unlimited do-overs/mulligans/tries.

So maybe instead of asking why, start setting goals for yourself. If being sober is truly what you want - make it happen. Write it down if you have to - and I mean literally, schedule out every hour of your day if need be. Add things to your schedule that promote staying sober - like attending recovery meetings, or spending time here, or exercising or clearing out your bedroom - anything but drinking alcohol.
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Old 03-28-2019, 01:38 PM
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You may be running out of good luck at any moment. Take advantage of what has come your way. Make a choice about how you want to live your life and what kind of person you want to be. Don't let those second chances go to waste.
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Old 03-28-2019, 04:25 PM
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I agree that your 'luck' will run out and you'll find yourself in a world of hurt. Stop drinking before that happens, please.
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Old 03-28-2019, 04:51 PM
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Great advice all around. My why question at the end is more of a why cant I maintain sobriety. I want it. My family wants it. I've been given chance after chance it seems. Minimal consequences compared to what could've happened. I spoke with my sponsor today, and just like hes told me before "just do it". I've had 9 months, 6 months and 3 months multiple times. I can still salvage what I currently have. I easily could be homeless, carless, and all the other lesses out there. Still facing even 6 months if I get in trouble with law I still got drunk and got pulled over. Crazyness has to stop. I'm even at my own wits end with me, so I can imagine my family.
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Old 03-28-2019, 05:41 PM
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When your values trump your addiction,, there is no addiction. Put your family and their needs above your desire to get drunk. Your luck won't last forever and you've been here a while. Hope you change before it's too late.
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Old 03-28-2019, 05:55 PM
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Originally Posted by getright15 View Post
Great advice all around. My why question at the end is more of a why cant I maintain sobriety. I want it. My family wants it. I've been given chance after chance it seems. Minimal consequences compared to what could've happened. I spoke with my sponsor today, and just like hes told me before "just do it". I've had 9 months, 6 months and 3 months multiple times. I can still salvage what I currently have. I easily could be homeless, carless, and all the other lesses out there. Still facing even 6 months if I get in trouble with law I still got drunk and got pulled over. Crazyness has to stop. I'm even at my own wits end with me, so I can imagine my family.
are you still going to regular meetings? When you 'lapse' do you reach out for preemptive help/guidance? Reads a lot like complacency on your part,once your life and surroundings start to show 'trust' in your sobriety again.

edit: "wanting" something and actively working towards that something is a complete game changer in all aspects of life. "Sh*t in one hand and want in the other..see which fills up first." Is what my dad always told me.
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Old 03-28-2019, 07:43 PM
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I couldnt agree with you more. Its about action and completing it. I know I can be sober like I said Ive done it before. You're right about once my life starts to get in order I get complacent.

Sponsor asked me tonight "let me know when youre ready to work THE program instead of your program"


Originally Posted by DontRemember View Post

edit: "wanting" something and actively working towards that something is a complete game changer in all aspects of life. "Sh*t in one hand and want in the other..see which fills up first." Is what my dad always told me.
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Old 03-28-2019, 08:39 PM
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You’ve got to plan on being sober for good and dismiss any reservations you may have in the back of your mind about...well maybe just being sober for a good stretch, can always get back on the wagon after all. Sounds like your sponsor has some good advice. Gotta start with step 1. A non-alcoholic wouldn’t be drinking tall boys and driving while facing 6 months.
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Old 03-29-2019, 04:58 AM
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Originally Posted by getright15 View Post
Great advice all around. My why question at the end is more of a why cant I maintain sobriety. I want it.
youve mentioned AA in the past so ill say what i see happening- something the BB even says: ya rest on your laurels:
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee - Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.

ya rest on your laurels,take your will and life back, and start living your way.
this is what your way is designed to have happen.

edit:
i didnt read what your sponsor said before replying but now that have what you should listen to him and do what he says. reads like he calls ya on your BS and ya dont listen.
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Old 03-29-2019, 10:52 AM
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Originally Posted by getright15 View Post
My why question at the end is more of a why cant I maintain sobriety. .
And my answer would still be the same ;-) There is no logical answer as to why you can't maintain your sobriety - you have to simply accept that drinking any amount of alcohol is not an option. Doesn't matter if its' 1 day, 1 month or 1 year after you quit. Perhaps you get complacent after a while? I know I did and went back to drinking many times after a period of not drinking.

Your sponsor gave some good advice I think - and it would have applied to me too. I for years tried to make the world change for me - figured I was somehow different or unique and that the rules that applied to other addicts shouldn't apply to me. Once I accepted that they did things got a whole lot more manageable.
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Old 04-16-2019, 08:53 AM
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Just popping in to say Hi, Im in Nevada too
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