Givenup2018

SORRY WANTED TO START A NEW THREAD BUT POSTED ACCIDENTALLY HERE> HOW DO I MOVE IT?Yesterday had an interesting conversation with my AH. They just can’t help themselves can they?
He said he know what is at stake with his drinking (quack). He does not drink himself to oblivion, only has a few when he gets stressed as he does not want to go overboard (ahem, quack). I should not go on about the fact that alcoholism is a progressive disease and a slow descent to the abyss. My comments are not “helpful” and will only make him want to drink more (quack).
He was in another city for work and I asked him did he drink much that night (I really wasn’t interested in the answer but wanted to see would he lie to me) and he lied straight to my face. I had seen the bill (in his wallet when he was sleeping) so I told him no need to lie I already knew. He was shocked and then, of course, blamed me that he had to lie because I would ‘react.’ He requested that I do not bring up his drinking at all and then we can be happy (quack). I guess he wants this to be our "new normal."
After that, we went for a very pleasant dinner. I can do things like this with him but not really have any sort of intimate relationship, I have moved into my own room. The lying and shadiness destroy everything.

Seren

Here's your new thread!

dandylion

Givenup…..the following link is to an excellent article on why alcoholics lie....
I think you might find it useful, right now.....

Addiction, Lies and Relationships

Glenjo99

I know there's links in here to answer this question but can't find them just now, so I'll ask anyway. What is a quack?

dawnrising

UUUUUGGGHHH- Givenup I hate the "I lie because I'm scared of you and your reaction" such crap they lie because its easy and they would rather lie than deal with the truth. BTW the lying is what finally did my marriage in. I would say just tell the truth I already know anyway, I just could not respect someone who couldn't own their behavior. It would have been so much better if my AH would have just said "I'm a grown adult I can do what I want." Then lying and getting caught. I would have been disappointed either way but the loss of respect was the last straw for me. So sorry

SmallButMighty

This was also my experience. It was ultimately the lack of trust due to the lying that broke that last fragile tie.

I have even told him," I could have put up with your bull$h!t but I couldn't put up with you bull$h!tting me!"

Now that I am far, far away from it all, I'm glad that I did get out and didn't put up with any more of his bullspit as he continued(s) to spiral.

hopeful4

In other words...let me drink as much as I want and destroy our family, and you say nothing while I do it, and we will all be happy??!!

Quack is right! My XAH told me this same song and dance for years. Guess what. It did progress and he did destroy our family. Ugh. They are amazing.

Huge hugs and strength to you.

trailmix

I'd be OK if it weren't for you!

"The addict blames his addictive behavior on his significant other, usually his spouse. He feels resentful and self-pitying about the way he considers himself to be treated and uses this to justify his addiction.

Since one of the commonest causes of resentment and self-pity in addicts is criticism by others of their addictive behavior, and since the characteristic response of the addict to such criticism is to escalate addictive behavior, this process tends to be self-perpetuating".

Excuses Alcoholics Make

and another worthy quote!

The Twilight Zone

"It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition; and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call The Twilight Zone".

D122y

What is quack?

Does that mean nonsense?

trailmix

Yes it does! We call the nonsense quacking here : )