Hello and an update
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,951
Hello and an update
Hello friends,
Logging into SR almost after 9 months. Was busy travelling and with life, in general.
I am currently having a successful stint at moderation, thanks to the techniques I learnt here. (reduced from about 15 drinks / week to about 10 / week). Last 2 weeks i had none.
I am also looking to cut down further and just enjoy the occasional drink or two socially or just be sober.
Will always be here and report progress or get help if needed.
Logging into SR almost after 9 months. Was busy travelling and with life, in general.
I am currently having a successful stint at moderation, thanks to the techniques I learnt here. (reduced from about 15 drinks / week to about 10 / week). Last 2 weeks i had none.
I am also looking to cut down further and just enjoy the occasional drink or two socially or just be sober.
Will always be here and report progress or get help if needed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,951
Definitely not for all - It's hard work, needs lot of self control. Maybe it is working for me since I was never a big drinker. Also, have severe motion sickness and makes me throw up if i go beyond few.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Calm,
Hope you keep coming back here for a long time. You would be the only person I know that managed to not end up overdosing periodically.
10 units a week is ok as long as it is not all 10 in 1 night. That is a binge and that was my style.
In the end, I drank 2 or 3 times a month. One of those times seemed to turn into a 20 unit, 24 hour binge.
Horrid stuff.
Thanks.
Hope you keep coming back here for a long time. You would be the only person I know that managed to not end up overdosing periodically.
10 units a week is ok as long as it is not all 10 in 1 night. That is a binge and that was my style.
In the end, I drank 2 or 3 times a month. One of those times seemed to turn into a 20 unit, 24 hour binge.
Horrid stuff.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
huh?
you learned techniques here for moderating? i am surprised.
in any case, the “lot of self control” is what i could not do when drinking, no matter what techniques i tried.
which is, i believe, what makes me an alcoholic.
you learned techniques here for moderating? i am surprised.
in any case, the “lot of self control” is what i could not do when drinking, no matter what techniques i tried.
which is, i believe, what makes me an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
I also learned to "moderate" pretty damn well after awhile (I was a daily binge drinker in my 20s) but I have found I don't enjoy moderating. One drink gives me a headache, two makes me want three. And there's always the times I would "overdo it" and have to nurse a hangover -- even if they were few and far between.
Got sick of it. For an alcoholic, like you said, moderation is a monumental amount of work and mental energy expended. For what? Appearances? I'm at a stage in my life where I don't see the point. My energy is better spent on other things.
Got sick of it. For an alcoholic, like you said, moderation is a monumental amount of work and mental energy expended. For what? Appearances? I'm at a stage in my life where I don't see the point. My energy is better spent on other things.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Almost a year ago your wrote the following, might be a good time for you to revisit:
"I have realized
1. No amount of alcohol will satisfy me.
2. The pleasantness of alcohol is only in the first drink but that is the bait/trap
3. The first drink brings additional anxiety than before after it wears off and hence the other drinks have to follow
4. Life is too good without alcohol. I do not need alcohol to relax, have a good time, socialize.
5. The bad in me comes out during drinking - this can never be good for me or for anyone around me.
6. It spoils my mood, my appearance, my bank balance, my reputation and most of all my integrity and self image
7. Alcohol saps me of my energy and time. I feel tired all the time when I drink, except during the first 1 hour or so. This is not worth it.
8. I realized all the movies I saw with alcohol were boring and unintelligent. Even good ones..Why? Because, I was dull and stupid not to appreciate good things in life when drinking
9. My body and mind heat up rapidly few hours after drinking leading to confusion, severe anxiety, self loathing, guilt and loss of confidence
10. I had to take sleeping pills to sleep after heavy drinking. Deadly combo
11. It put me into dangerous situations - driving on two lines, fearing a cop will come behind me with lights and arrest me
12. Alcohol will take me to that dangerous place slowly and get rid of me. AV is behind me all the time - he sneaks on me, slides under me, pretends he is supporting me, but I now know his real nature.
13. Do not get cheated - life is extremely happy without alcohol. You are much stronger, you can emerge free, happy, hopeful, successful, peaceful, loving, intelligent, creative without alcohol.*
"I have realized
1. No amount of alcohol will satisfy me.
2. The pleasantness of alcohol is only in the first drink but that is the bait/trap
3. The first drink brings additional anxiety than before after it wears off and hence the other drinks have to follow
4. Life is too good without alcohol. I do not need alcohol to relax, have a good time, socialize.
5. The bad in me comes out during drinking - this can never be good for me or for anyone around me.
6. It spoils my mood, my appearance, my bank balance, my reputation and most of all my integrity and self image
7. Alcohol saps me of my energy and time. I feel tired all the time when I drink, except during the first 1 hour or so. This is not worth it.
8. I realized all the movies I saw with alcohol were boring and unintelligent. Even good ones..Why? Because, I was dull and stupid not to appreciate good things in life when drinking
9. My body and mind heat up rapidly few hours after drinking leading to confusion, severe anxiety, self loathing, guilt and loss of confidence
10. I had to take sleeping pills to sleep after heavy drinking. Deadly combo
11. It put me into dangerous situations - driving on two lines, fearing a cop will come behind me with lights and arrest me
12. Alcohol will take me to that dangerous place slowly and get rid of me. AV is behind me all the time - he sneaks on me, slides under me, pretends he is supporting me, but I now know his real nature.
13. Do not get cheated - life is extremely happy without alcohol. You are much stronger, you can emerge free, happy, hopeful, successful, peaceful, loving, intelligent, creative without alcohol.*
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
Originally Posted by lessgravity 
Almost a year ago your wrote the following, might be a good time for you to revisit:
"I have realized
1. No amount of alcohol will satisfy me.
2. The pleasantness of alcohol is only in the first drink but that is the bait/trap
3. The first drink brings additional anxiety than before after it wears off and hence the other drinks have to follow
4. Life is too good without alcohol. I do not need alcohol to relax, have a good time, socialize.
5. The bad in me comes out during drinking - this can never be good for me or for anyone around me.
6. It spoils my mood, my appearance, my bank balance, my reputation and most of all my integrity and self image
7. Alcohol saps me of my energy and time. I feel tired all the time when I drink, except during the first 1 hour or so. This is not worth it.
8. I realized all the movies I saw with alcohol were boring and unintelligent. Even good ones..Why? Because, I was dull and stupid not to appreciate good things in life when drinking
9. My body and mind heat up rapidly few hours after drinking leading to confusion, severe anxiety, self loathing, guilt and loss of confidence
10. I had to take sleeping pills to sleep after heavy drinking. Deadly combo
11. It put me into dangerous situations - driving on two lines, fearing a cop will come behind me with lights and arrest me
12. Alcohol will take me to that dangerous place slowly and get rid of me. AV is behind me all the time - he sneaks on me, slides under me, pretends he is supporting me, but I now know his real nature.
13. Do not get cheated - life is extremely happy without alcohol. You are much stronger, you can emerge free, happy, hopeful, successful, peaceful, loving, intelligent, creative without alcohol.*
"I have realized
1. No amount of alcohol will satisfy me.
2. The pleasantness of alcohol is only in the first drink but that is the bait/trap
3. The first drink brings additional anxiety than before after it wears off and hence the other drinks have to follow
4. Life is too good without alcohol. I do not need alcohol to relax, have a good time, socialize.
5. The bad in me comes out during drinking - this can never be good for me or for anyone around me.
6. It spoils my mood, my appearance, my bank balance, my reputation and most of all my integrity and self image
7. Alcohol saps me of my energy and time. I feel tired all the time when I drink, except during the first 1 hour or so. This is not worth it.
8. I realized all the movies I saw with alcohol were boring and unintelligent. Even good ones..Why? Because, I was dull and stupid not to appreciate good things in life when drinking
9. My body and mind heat up rapidly few hours after drinking leading to confusion, severe anxiety, self loathing, guilt and loss of confidence
10. I had to take sleeping pills to sleep after heavy drinking. Deadly combo
11. It put me into dangerous situations - driving on two lines, fearing a cop will come behind me with lights and arrest me
12. Alcohol will take me to that dangerous place slowly and get rid of me. AV is behind me all the time - he sneaks on me, slides under me, pretends he is supporting me, but I now know his real nature.
13. Do not get cheated - life is extremely happy without alcohol. You are much stronger, you can emerge free, happy, hopeful, successful, peaceful, loving, intelligent, creative without alcohol.*
Calmself I often tricked myself into thinking moderation was me regaining control over my life, but it was the opposite. Moderation was me putting an absurd amount of energy into keeping my addiction just close enough.
Like you I also have found I don't even really enjoy moderating. The #1 point, "No amount of alcohol with satisfy me."
It's the itch you can't really scratch.
Can I ask -- why are you trying to moderate? What techniques did you learn here? (I've only seen an abstinence-based approach promoted on these forums).
I'm still tempted often to go back to "moderating" in this early part of my fight. But I have to stop myself. I know where that path ultimately leads...
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
I haven't met an alcoholic who could moderate. I've met many who said they could. Myself included.
As others have said, if you are the exception that is awesome, but understand the fears of many here of using that as an excuse.
As others have said, if you are the exception that is awesome, but understand the fears of many here of using that as an excuse.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 62
I tried moderating for years. Every single time it would slowly and gradually get worse, and I could never say that I’d manage to last a month or two without getting tipsy, drunk, or having a hangover. Then eventually I’d have a complete blowout and blackout, and put my life at risk again. And the old feelings and insecurities would be back, and the fear. If you can moderate then that a decision you make that works for you. For me I can’t touch it, and I don’t want to either. Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,951
What techniques did i learn here?
1. Fast forward - I visualize what will happen if I continue beyond - I will get a little more buzz but lose out on sleep, have a bad headache next morning. Helps me to stay in check irrespective of how many drinks folks around me indulge in.
2. Ride the wave - Sit calmly if AV chatters and enjoy the great relief once that big wave goes by. This one gives a real kick.
On top of these I have found out my own technique which also has been super effective.
I know this forum is strictly for sobriety but I do not want to leave - ever. Moderation is a slippery slope and I want to seek help as and when needed. You guys are the only non judgemental folks I have.
P.S: An year ago, i used to dread Fridays. Today evening, I have committed to play badminton with wife and take a long walk with her.
1. Fast forward - I visualize what will happen if I continue beyond - I will get a little more buzz but lose out on sleep, have a bad headache next morning. Helps me to stay in check irrespective of how many drinks folks around me indulge in.
2. Ride the wave - Sit calmly if AV chatters and enjoy the great relief once that big wave goes by. This one gives a real kick.
On top of these I have found out my own technique which also has been super effective.
I know this forum is strictly for sobriety but I do not want to leave - ever. Moderation is a slippery slope and I want to seek help as and when needed. You guys are the only non judgemental folks I have.
P.S: An year ago, i used to dread Fridays. Today evening, I have committed to play badminton with wife and take a long walk with her.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TN
Posts: 365
Please do not take this the wrong way as I want you to be succesful in whatever you are pursuing. With that said, If you can moderate I don't think you have an alcohol problem. Drinking in moderation is the essence of socially acceptabke drinking in my book. The other side of the coin is. Are you really moderating if you feel the need to be on this forum? So, unless you miscalculate your intake, I don't see any problem with your drinking. Call me crazy but that's how I see it. Me, for instance thought I had moderation down for years. It worked like this. I drank on a Monday at the bar, let's say two beers. Then I skipped Tuesday , but was back at the bar Wednesday where I ended up drinking four or so. Then skipped Thursday. Friday rolls around and the place I frequented had a lot of folks showing up on Fridays. So I usually ended up staying way past my alloted time and ended up so drunk that I either drove home drunk or passed out in my vehicle outside. Then agonize over this and stay sober over the weekend so I could show my wife that I was not a drunk. Come Monday and the darn roller coaster started again. Thank heavens I don't have to live like that again. My 2 cents, your mileage may vary.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
I am also looking to cut down further and just enjoy the occasional drink or two socially or just be sober.
Trying to moderate my drinking was futile and trying to keep alcohol in my life nearly killed me.
I think that's the experience of most of us here.
If you want help getting and staying abstinent we're the place for you - and that applies if this experiment goes awry at any time...
but you're content moderating right now, you'll no doubt find a better fitting community elsewhere.
It is inappropriate to promote the use of alcohol or drugs on our addiction recovery forums.
Moderator
SR
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 524
This is an interesting read. Full disclosure, I had a drink on Monday, just two weeks after my weekend binge on a stag do where I ended up in a right mess.
I drank because I had a third date and didn't want to be seen as being boring, (yes I know, I should have just told her, I'd already met her twice and not drank at all and it was fine).
Anyway. My observations of what life would be like for me if I moderated.
So I shared a bottle of red wine with her. As soon as I took a sip, I wanted to drink the glass quite quickly. I had to slow myself down. Once the buzz hit, I wanted to get really drunk, again I stopped myself as I was on a date and we were taking it easy. After two glasses, we ate, I then didn't really want to drink anymore. I went home having just half a bottle of wine, and had a cup of tea, watched a movie and went to bed. No hangover at all the next day. Just like a normal drinker yes?
I had no desire for more drink that night. But, I didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy having half a bottle of red wine, i mean it was alright, but I wasn't satisfied. I wanted the whole bottle, I wanted a proper buzz on. There's just no point in drinking half a bottle of wine,when I got home I felt a bit sick, I had acidic reflux type of thing, a bit of nausea, I felt tired and lethargic. The wine was sitting uncomfortably in my stomach. The whole thing was really quite pointless, and whilst I "moderated" on Monday, if I continue and repeat monday again, I will eventually have that whole bottle of wine, then open another one, then I'll be back to feeling horrible the next day and wanting a drink to feel better.
Anyway, I told my mate from AA what happened, and he seemed surprised I was able to just have half a bottle of wine and leave it at that, he said he wouldn't have been able to. I don't know if there are different levels of alcoholic, I'm just not one who has a sip and becomes an instant slave to the drink. what I do know.... that alcohol was having major negative consequences on my physical and mental health though.
SO I reset my sober app, day 5 again now. It's fine, I'm working through this in my own way. Nothing's changed, I don't want to drink, because unless I can drink to very drunk/blackout I'm not satisfied, and drinking to blackout is very bad news, so there's no point drinking. Having two glasses and leaving it at that is hard work, it's teasing. Moderating will fail, why will I suddenly changed the habit of a lifetime and control my drinking? I won't. I'm either abstinent, or I'm drinking till I'm drunk, or trying very hard to avoid being drunk.
I drank because I had a third date and didn't want to be seen as being boring, (yes I know, I should have just told her, I'd already met her twice and not drank at all and it was fine).
Anyway. My observations of what life would be like for me if I moderated.
So I shared a bottle of red wine with her. As soon as I took a sip, I wanted to drink the glass quite quickly. I had to slow myself down. Once the buzz hit, I wanted to get really drunk, again I stopped myself as I was on a date and we were taking it easy. After two glasses, we ate, I then didn't really want to drink anymore. I went home having just half a bottle of wine, and had a cup of tea, watched a movie and went to bed. No hangover at all the next day. Just like a normal drinker yes?
I had no desire for more drink that night. But, I didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy having half a bottle of red wine, i mean it was alright, but I wasn't satisfied. I wanted the whole bottle, I wanted a proper buzz on. There's just no point in drinking half a bottle of wine,when I got home I felt a bit sick, I had acidic reflux type of thing, a bit of nausea, I felt tired and lethargic. The wine was sitting uncomfortably in my stomach. The whole thing was really quite pointless, and whilst I "moderated" on Monday, if I continue and repeat monday again, I will eventually have that whole bottle of wine, then open another one, then I'll be back to feeling horrible the next day and wanting a drink to feel better.
Anyway, I told my mate from AA what happened, and he seemed surprised I was able to just have half a bottle of wine and leave it at that, he said he wouldn't have been able to. I don't know if there are different levels of alcoholic, I'm just not one who has a sip and becomes an instant slave to the drink. what I do know.... that alcohol was having major negative consequences on my physical and mental health though.
SO I reset my sober app, day 5 again now. It's fine, I'm working through this in my own way. Nothing's changed, I don't want to drink, because unless I can drink to very drunk/blackout I'm not satisfied, and drinking to blackout is very bad news, so there's no point drinking. Having two glasses and leaving it at that is hard work, it's teasing. Moderating will fail, why will I suddenly changed the habit of a lifetime and control my drinking? I won't. I'm either abstinent, or I'm drinking till I'm drunk, or trying very hard to avoid being drunk.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
calmself, have you checked out Moderation Management, or a place called H.A.M.s. (i think, not sure, related to harm reduction).
i wish you all success but find it odd that you come here seemingly expecting to get help in moderating and for us to be here to help you negotiate the slippery slope you feel you are on with moderating?
i wish you all success but find it odd that you come here seemingly expecting to get help in moderating and for us to be here to help you negotiate the slippery slope you feel you are on with moderating?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Both the OP and Primativo's posts are just down right scary to me. I guess because I can hear my old drinking self making the same excuses, explanations, trying to find a reason why drinking wine after a weekend like the one Primativo explained recently is just horrifying.
I suggest anyone reading this thread who is even considering "moderating" to go back and look at these two members posts, especially Primo's recent one. Go back and read the way the OP used to talk about booze. Think about just how strong this poison pulls us back. Oh man. I'm vigilant tonight and thankfulI I will never drink again.
I suggest anyone reading this thread who is even considering "moderating" to go back and look at these two members posts, especially Primo's recent one. Go back and read the way the OP used to talk about booze. Think about just how strong this poison pulls us back. Oh man. I'm vigilant tonight and thankfulI I will never drink again.
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