O/T, but need opinion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
O/T, but need opinion
I saw my grandsons yesterday. These are my DQ's sons (DQ=Drama Queen). I now live about 3 1/2 hrs from them. I have no contact with my daughter, she has also blocked my phone number and has blocked me on facebook. So, my ex son in law contacts me and tells me that they will be in Harrisburg Pa on Saturday for a hockey tournament, and would I like to see them that day. Well, that's only about 1 hr 15 mins from me so I said sure, I would love to do that.
So on the way up when I stopped for a red light, I called my son in law to let him know when I was arriving. He told me that he was dealing with a "situation" at the moment, but they will be there and if any thing changed that he would call me and let me know.
(For anyone who does not know my situation, my ex son-in-law has full custody of my grandchildren).
So everything goes fine, we meet up at this all you can eat pizza place, and this is the first time that I hear that my daughter also came in for this tournament, and that the "situation" that my son in law was dealing with was my daughter being pissed off because he invited me and it was all because, "she's my mother not your mother, I get to say when my mother sees my children, and blah, blah, blah..."
So after pizza we went to the ice skating rink. We had to be there an hour early so that my grandson could be with the team for practice. I didn't expect my daughter to be there at that time, I thought she would just come for the game. So anyway, I got there later then my son in law, just because I always get lost even with a GPS. So, I get there and I am looking for him. First room when I walked in was a game room, so I looked in there for them, meanwhile I find out that my daughter had just walked right past me. Then I find my son in law and he is telling me that, and she was walking right past me again. I never saw her. I asked him where she was and what was she wearing. She was wearing a white sweatshirt. Something that I can easily pick out of a crowd.
So, I sit down at a table with my other grandson (1 of 5 tables that were there). My son in law came over to me and told me that he was going to get lost in case I wanted to speak to my daughter or if my daughter came over to me.
While sitting there in plain view for about 40 mins., my daughter walked outside again, I didn't see her till she passed me, and she was jogging to catch up to a group. She then came back alone, and totally refused to even glance at the table that I was sitting at with her son.
(The reason that I mentioned that she was "jogging" to catch up with people is because she had told everyone that she could not even be in a car because if it hit a bump, that her spine was so bad that it could paralyze her)
During the game I did not sit with my son in law. I stood in between the 2 stands and went back and forth to the game and to talking to my other grandson who did not want to watch the game and just sat at the table with his phone.
After the game when we were leaving, my daughter showed up out of nowhere and grabbed the bag with the sports equipment and walked quickly out the door to her car with it with one of my grandsons following her.
I then said goodbye to my other grandson and my son in law and drove home.
Thing is, I told my mother and sister that I saw my grandsons and they told me that my son in law was manipulative. I didn't see that. I saw that he gave me enough time so that if, I, or she, wanted to say hello and talk that we had that time.
I tried to write this as unbiased as I could.
My family thinks he manipulated this to **** my daughter off, especially since he did not tell me that she was going to be there, until I got there.
What do you wise people, who I always trust, think?
((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
and thank you for being you
amy
So on the way up when I stopped for a red light, I called my son in law to let him know when I was arriving. He told me that he was dealing with a "situation" at the moment, but they will be there and if any thing changed that he would call me and let me know.
(For anyone who does not know my situation, my ex son-in-law has full custody of my grandchildren).
So everything goes fine, we meet up at this all you can eat pizza place, and this is the first time that I hear that my daughter also came in for this tournament, and that the "situation" that my son in law was dealing with was my daughter being pissed off because he invited me and it was all because, "she's my mother not your mother, I get to say when my mother sees my children, and blah, blah, blah..."
So after pizza we went to the ice skating rink. We had to be there an hour early so that my grandson could be with the team for practice. I didn't expect my daughter to be there at that time, I thought she would just come for the game. So anyway, I got there later then my son in law, just because I always get lost even with a GPS. So, I get there and I am looking for him. First room when I walked in was a game room, so I looked in there for them, meanwhile I find out that my daughter had just walked right past me. Then I find my son in law and he is telling me that, and she was walking right past me again. I never saw her. I asked him where she was and what was she wearing. She was wearing a white sweatshirt. Something that I can easily pick out of a crowd.
So, I sit down at a table with my other grandson (1 of 5 tables that were there). My son in law came over to me and told me that he was going to get lost in case I wanted to speak to my daughter or if my daughter came over to me.
While sitting there in plain view for about 40 mins., my daughter walked outside again, I didn't see her till she passed me, and she was jogging to catch up to a group. She then came back alone, and totally refused to even glance at the table that I was sitting at with her son.
(The reason that I mentioned that she was "jogging" to catch up with people is because she had told everyone that she could not even be in a car because if it hit a bump, that her spine was so bad that it could paralyze her)
During the game I did not sit with my son in law. I stood in between the 2 stands and went back and forth to the game and to talking to my other grandson who did not want to watch the game and just sat at the table with his phone.
After the game when we were leaving, my daughter showed up out of nowhere and grabbed the bag with the sports equipment and walked quickly out the door to her car with it with one of my grandsons following her.
I then said goodbye to my other grandson and my son in law and drove home.
Thing is, I told my mother and sister that I saw my grandsons and they told me that my son in law was manipulative. I didn't see that. I saw that he gave me enough time so that if, I, or she, wanted to say hello and talk that we had that time.
I tried to write this as unbiased as I could.
My family thinks he manipulated this to **** my daughter off, especially since he did not tell me that she was going to be there, until I got there.
What do you wise people, who I always trust, think?
((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
and thank you for being you
amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Based on your story it all sounds quite fair and normal - except - I don't understand why he didn't tell you your Daughter was going to be there.
Now, maybe he thinks you two were going to hug and make up and he thinks that's a good idea, I don't know him so I can't say. Do you think that was his motivation?
Certainly it is odd (and a tad rude).
Now, maybe he thinks you two were going to hug and make up and he thinks that's a good idea, I don't know him so I can't say. Do you think that was his motivation?
Certainly it is odd (and a tad rude).
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Thanks Trailmix for your perspective on this. I also think it was rude to not inform me that she would be there, but I did leave out a part of this. The plan was that I would take my other grandson to a cavern for a 45 min tour and then go to the game. My grandson didn't want to go and that was why I was left in that odd situation of about an hour with my daughter walking back and forth ignoring me.
I know when he got full custody, and she got supervised visitation he reached out to me to be one of the ones to do the supervised visitations.
I do think that he feels she is more balanced when she is in contact with me. So, yes he may have an ulterior motive on this. My other 2 children also told me that she was better when she was speaking to me. Since my daughter and I went "no contact", she is also almost "no contact" with her siblings also.
I just know that I am not going to worry my head about this. I had a great day with my grandsons. I just don't really like how my family was saying that he did this just to make her mad. I hate being pulled into drama again. I hate being told that I should be the bigger person and that I should reach out to her. I did that too many times.
My son in law, to describe him would be that he is somewhat anti social. He's been interacting a lot more with people now that he is divorced, then he did before. My daughter, well, I would say (not a diagnose) but I would say her behavior is like borderline personality disorder, or histrionic personality disorder.
IDK, this weekend was great for me, then I am listening to how I was manipulated and sometimes I feel like if that was manipulation, but I got to see my grandsons, then OK. I'll do whatever I have to do to see them, at least my son in law will let me see them, and my daughter won't.
Trailmix, I see you started here in 2016, so you may not know my whole story. This is my daughter that turned my other 2 kids away from me based on a lie. It took over 4 years to re establish a relationship with them. That is why I moved, so that I could be closer to them as I was visiting them often and it was a really long drive. Anytime I think of this daughter of mine, I just shake my head and I don't want to remember anything. She put me through h3ll
I was just thankful to see my grandchildren, but to me it seems like my family just wants to tell me how I should act, and what I should do, and blood is thicker then water, and family always sticks together, and on and on, and I just wanted to have a nice day out with my grandchildren and I did.
amy
I know when he got full custody, and she got supervised visitation he reached out to me to be one of the ones to do the supervised visitations.
I do think that he feels she is more balanced when she is in contact with me. So, yes he may have an ulterior motive on this. My other 2 children also told me that she was better when she was speaking to me. Since my daughter and I went "no contact", she is also almost "no contact" with her siblings also.
I just know that I am not going to worry my head about this. I had a great day with my grandsons. I just don't really like how my family was saying that he did this just to make her mad. I hate being pulled into drama again. I hate being told that I should be the bigger person and that I should reach out to her. I did that too many times.
My son in law, to describe him would be that he is somewhat anti social. He's been interacting a lot more with people now that he is divorced, then he did before. My daughter, well, I would say (not a diagnose) but I would say her behavior is like borderline personality disorder, or histrionic personality disorder.
IDK, this weekend was great for me, then I am listening to how I was manipulated and sometimes I feel like if that was manipulation, but I got to see my grandsons, then OK. I'll do whatever I have to do to see them, at least my son in law will let me see them, and my daughter won't.
Trailmix, I see you started here in 2016, so you may not know my whole story. This is my daughter that turned my other 2 kids away from me based on a lie. It took over 4 years to re establish a relationship with them. That is why I moved, so that I could be closer to them as I was visiting them often and it was a really long drive. Anytime I think of this daughter of mine, I just shake my head and I don't want to remember anything. She put me through h3ll
I was just thankful to see my grandchildren, but to me it seems like my family just wants to tell me how I should act, and what I should do, and blood is thicker then water, and family always sticks together, and on and on, and I just wanted to have a nice day out with my grandchildren and I did.
amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
I didn't know that whole story but you know Amy, I have seen enough of your posts to know that you are fair, so I honestly didn't even question that.
The cavern visit does put a different take on it I think. Basically if that side trip had taken place there would have been no reason for you to interact with her at all - so I kind of see what his plan was. He may have just purely wanted to give you that opportunity.
I think he can be forgiven for the faux pas of not telling you she was going to be there (he should have regardless). I have no idea why anyone would think you need to be the "bigger person" - or to be involved with her at all. Funny how people accuse him of manipulation when in fact they are kind of doing the same thing.
Anyway, I think it's wonderful you got to spend time with them and it sounds like you enjoyed yourself and that's the most important thing.
The cavern visit does put a different take on it I think. Basically if that side trip had taken place there would have been no reason for you to interact with her at all - so I kind of see what his plan was. He may have just purely wanted to give you that opportunity.
I think he can be forgiven for the faux pas of not telling you she was going to be there (he should have regardless). I have no idea why anyone would think you need to be the "bigger person" - or to be involved with her at all. Funny how people accuse him of manipulation when in fact they are kind of doing the same thing.
Anyway, I think it's wonderful you got to spend time with them and it sounds like you enjoyed yourself and that's the most important thing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Trailmix, you know, if he would have told me about it, I may have backed out, or wanted to back out. I would have eventually gone anyway, but my PTSD would have kicked in and I would have gotten physically ill on the way there. In a way, I am glad that he did not tell me about her being there. The last time I saw them before this weekend was Feb 2018.
What happened previously to start all of this off goes back to April 2009. My ex had filed for a divorce, and I had left Dec 31, 2008. She was having a birthday party for one of my grandsons. I wanted to be there because my mother was coming in from Florida for this. She invited my ex, (not her biological father). I had asked her if she could please have him come over for Easter and to let me have that day with my mother. Big fight started. I was going to call her and tell her that I would take half of the birthday party and he could have the other half.
Then I found out through some awful curse ridden phone calls that someone called CPS on her, and I was being blamed for this. I didn't do that. She used that to turn my other children away from me. She even made them go to court with her when she filed a restraining order against me. The judge just threw that case out right out. We were on and off since then, but no contact since I think May 2017. Well anyway, that is the short story.
amy
What happened previously to start all of this off goes back to April 2009. My ex had filed for a divorce, and I had left Dec 31, 2008. She was having a birthday party for one of my grandsons. I wanted to be there because my mother was coming in from Florida for this. She invited my ex, (not her biological father). I had asked her if she could please have him come over for Easter and to let me have that day with my mother. Big fight started. I was going to call her and tell her that I would take half of the birthday party and he could have the other half.
Then I found out through some awful curse ridden phone calls that someone called CPS on her, and I was being blamed for this. I didn't do that. She used that to turn my other children away from me. She even made them go to court with her when she filed a restraining order against me. The judge just threw that case out right out. We were on and off since then, but no contact since I think May 2017. Well anyway, that is the short story.
amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I don't know if I ever put this here, but one of the things that this daughter listed in the restraining order was that I said, " I'm going to chop off your fathers head and leave it by the door and ring the doorbell, and say Happy Birthday".
This is the daughter that I have to deal with.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
This is the daughter that I have to deal with.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
amy...I do remember the background stories. In the overall, it just looks to me like a re-enactment of past behaviors of both your daughter, and your family....
I can imagine that it could be triggering, if one let it!
It sounds like you are much more able to let it roll of, than it might have, at one time.
Maybe, you are growing a little bit of Teflon covering for their various dysfunctions….? That would be a good thing, since you can't control any of them (daughter or family tree)….
Great for not getting pulled into the middle of it, in a difficult situation...
I think you managed well....
for what it is worth...I think your ex son-in-law seemed to be handling a dicey situation as well as he possibly could.....
I can imagine that it could be triggering, if one let it!
It sounds like you are much more able to let it roll of, than it might have, at one time.
Maybe, you are growing a little bit of Teflon covering for their various dysfunctions….? That would be a good thing, since you can't control any of them (daughter or family tree)….
Great for not getting pulled into the middle of it, in a difficult situation...
I think you managed well....
for what it is worth...I think your ex son-in-law seemed to be handling a dicey situation as well as he possibly could.....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
It sounds like this: there's the game, and of course the child's mother would want to see the game her some was in. It was planned for you to take Child B someplace else for the duration, and you and DQ wouldn't have seen each other to interact at all. I don't find this manipulative, but I'm working on being less cynical myself.
The chance he took: Child B wanted to sit tight and play on the phone, so you and DQ are in the same stadium. Maybe he reasoned that in a public place, you and DQ might make some small talk and start building a footpath to some kind of common ground; at the very least, he figured in a public place, she wouldn't act out. He turned out to be correct. Some could call it manipulative, I'd call it baby steps.
The chance he took: Child B wanted to sit tight and play on the phone, so you and DQ are in the same stadium. Maybe he reasoned that in a public place, you and DQ might make some small talk and start building a footpath to some kind of common ground; at the very least, he figured in a public place, she wouldn't act out. He turned out to be correct. Some could call it manipulative, I'd call it baby steps.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
Hi Amy, first of all, I'm glad you got to see the boys!
I agree with Seren and was going to say basically the same thing.
I don't THINK he was being manipulative. Of course only he knows his motives...(but your family members who weren't there certainly don't).
I can imagine it playing out as if he did a nice thing by inviting you to see them because he didn't expect DQ was going to be there. Then she informed him she was because she changed her wishy-washy mind. Then he was confronted with "the situation" he told you he was dealing with. You yourself have had far too many of those "situations" and know how unfun that can be.
I think he was only trying to do a nice thing that ended up being uncomfortable for all because your daughter's mental health issues have unfortunate consequences for those around her.
Of course I can't possibly know the absolute truth, but that's my take away from what you shared with us.
Again, I'm glad you got the blessing of seeing those boys!
I agree with Seren and was going to say basically the same thing.
I don't THINK he was being manipulative. Of course only he knows his motives...(but your family members who weren't there certainly don't).
I can imagine it playing out as if he did a nice thing by inviting you to see them because he didn't expect DQ was going to be there. Then she informed him she was because she changed her wishy-washy mind. Then he was confronted with "the situation" he told you he was dealing with. You yourself have had far too many of those "situations" and know how unfun that can be.
I think he was only trying to do a nice thing that ended up being uncomfortable for all because your daughter's mental health issues have unfortunate consequences for those around her.
Of course I can't possibly know the absolute truth, but that's my take away from what you shared with us.
Again, I'm glad you got the blessing of seeing those boys!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I tried to pain a fair and balanced and also an actual account of what happened on Saturday because that is only what my family is looking at. I wanted to know if I told this to someone else if they would see my son in law as being manipulative. You answered my question. Thank you.
There is more to this. My son in law is into soccer. He is a soccer ball coach. He's not that into hockey. It was his weekend with the kids, so he took them to t, ahe tournament. She was there because hockey is her thing. She idolizes the NJ Devils, that all she ever talks about. She goes to all the NJ Devils games. I guess I couldn't imagine that she wouldn't be there, but I thought perhaps she might play up her medical condition (needs spinal surgery, that wasn't done, could become paralyzed if she drove, and would be on facebook trying to get sympathy that she couldn't go). So, in the back of my mind I always did think that she might be there, but since son in law didn't mention her, I really didn't give that much thought at all.
What I was thinking about was that my grandchildren would be about 1 hr 15 mins away from me, and did I want to see them? The answer was "yes". Did I think about how my family would think of how they would see this as a betrayal to my daughter? (Whether she was at the game or not, she would know that I was at the game, that I did see them, and that the invitation came from her ex). I did think about that. I had a choice to make, and I chose to stay out of their drama and to be grateful to see my grandchildren no matter who extended the invite.
I also chose to communicate freely with my son in law because I think I get more truths from him than untruths.
I read so many stories on here about how family always stick together, no matter how bad that person in your family is. I didn't want to get stuck there. I wanted to do what was best for myself and my grandchildren.
When I was at the stadium, yes, my son in law left the table. I did notice that he was always about 20 -25 feet away, so that if my daughter wanted to come over and talk to me, that she could. He was also close enough to us, that if she started up there, that he could be there to break it up.
Other things my family doesn't know, or they chose to ignore. My sister has a family Christmas every year the weekend before Christmas. Even if it is his weekend with the children, he makes sure that he brings the children to my sisters house, so they can know my daughters side of the family. He doesn't stay, he drops them off, then picks them up later. My family gives him no credit for that.
Both of my grandsons see therapist. There is a lot here with parental alienation. It's my daughter doing this. My son in law, I know he is my ex son in law, but, I have never heard him say a bad word against my daughter in their presence.
To me, Saturday meant I had to make a choice. I made my choice, it was my grandsons and whoever allowed me to see them. That turned out to be my son in law.
I also talked to my son in law yesterday. The kids kept mentioning that they were moving and when they did move that they wanted a dog. I suggested to son in law that Grandson A is athletic and Grandson B not so much, that when they get the puppy that Grandson B should be the one to take the puppy to training school, and possibly agility training, and son in law thanked me for this, said he wouldn't have thought about that, but that might be really good for Grandson B to regain some self esteem.
I was so caught up with what my family might think about me, always second guessing myself, and I think this is the first time, that I really don't care. I think I made the right choice, for myself and for my grandchildren.
Thank you,
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
amy
There is more to this. My son in law is into soccer. He is a soccer ball coach. He's not that into hockey. It was his weekend with the kids, so he took them to t, ahe tournament. She was there because hockey is her thing. She idolizes the NJ Devils, that all she ever talks about. She goes to all the NJ Devils games. I guess I couldn't imagine that she wouldn't be there, but I thought perhaps she might play up her medical condition (needs spinal surgery, that wasn't done, could become paralyzed if she drove, and would be on facebook trying to get sympathy that she couldn't go). So, in the back of my mind I always did think that she might be there, but since son in law didn't mention her, I really didn't give that much thought at all.
What I was thinking about was that my grandchildren would be about 1 hr 15 mins away from me, and did I want to see them? The answer was "yes". Did I think about how my family would think of how they would see this as a betrayal to my daughter? (Whether she was at the game or not, she would know that I was at the game, that I did see them, and that the invitation came from her ex). I did think about that. I had a choice to make, and I chose to stay out of their drama and to be grateful to see my grandchildren no matter who extended the invite.
I also chose to communicate freely with my son in law because I think I get more truths from him than untruths.
I read so many stories on here about how family always stick together, no matter how bad that person in your family is. I didn't want to get stuck there. I wanted to do what was best for myself and my grandchildren.
When I was at the stadium, yes, my son in law left the table. I did notice that he was always about 20 -25 feet away, so that if my daughter wanted to come over and talk to me, that she could. He was also close enough to us, that if she started up there, that he could be there to break it up.
Other things my family doesn't know, or they chose to ignore. My sister has a family Christmas every year the weekend before Christmas. Even if it is his weekend with the children, he makes sure that he brings the children to my sisters house, so they can know my daughters side of the family. He doesn't stay, he drops them off, then picks them up later. My family gives him no credit for that.
Both of my grandsons see therapist. There is a lot here with parental alienation. It's my daughter doing this. My son in law, I know he is my ex son in law, but, I have never heard him say a bad word against my daughter in their presence.
To me, Saturday meant I had to make a choice. I made my choice, it was my grandsons and whoever allowed me to see them. That turned out to be my son in law.
I also talked to my son in law yesterday. The kids kept mentioning that they were moving and when they did move that they wanted a dog. I suggested to son in law that Grandson A is athletic and Grandson B not so much, that when they get the puppy that Grandson B should be the one to take the puppy to training school, and possibly agility training, and son in law thanked me for this, said he wouldn't have thought about that, but that might be really good for Grandson B to regain some self esteem.
I was so caught up with what my family might think about me, always second guessing myself, and I think this is the first time, that I really don't care. I think I made the right choice, for myself and for my grandchildren.
Thank you,
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
does it really matter anymore what anyone else thinks? you are old enough now to do what you want, regardless of what THE FAMILY thinks. i see a whole lotta hoopdido over very little....you were invited to see your grandsons, and you did so. your daughter was there but did not confront you or make a scene. all the rest of it IS drama.......and who really cares?? and i mean that as a type of attitude about what others think, not that no one cares about your issue.
my fave saying is NMP, which stands for
Not
My
Problem
my fave saying is NMP, which stands for
Not
My
Problem
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Anvilhead, you always say things exactly as it is, and I appreciate that. It was exactly how I felt on Saturday. It took me a really long time to get there, and I always or at least almost always now try to second guess everything. I went with my heart this time, and what I felt was the right thing to do regardless of any feedback I would get from my family. It felt good, really good. The thing is, if family has a problem with my decision, well, that's not my problem. I did what I thought was right. For some of us, especially me, who always walked on eggshells about anything and everything, I was really surprised that I took that step, and didn't worry about the fallout from it, but was still amazed or surprised that my family would not think about me having contact with my grandsons, over me continuing to deal with my daughters BS.
I'm stronger since I came to SR, and the encouragement here is phenomenal to my recovery.
Thank you,
(((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy
I'm stronger since I came to SR, and the encouragement here is phenomenal to my recovery.
Thank you,
(((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I just want to say something to any of the newbies here. I was raised to be a perfectionist, to be a people pleaser. It continued on through my 2 marriages. I was taught that most likely I was always wrong, and you need to listen to the other person and please the other person, and things would work out.
I'm divorced now for over 8 years, and I am still recovering and trying to learn who I am, what I like, and how to get things done. It's been very trying, but it is doable.
I started here in Aug 2011. I am an alcoholic. I came here because my life became unmanageable and I needed help.
I got that help here. Here on "Family and Friends". My biggest problem was that I couldn't handle situations and I drank to make them go away, but they never went away, because I wasn't doing the work to take care of myself.
I post things here sometimes just to make sure that I am thinking the right way, and that I am getting stronger. I never had someone that I could discuss these things with, and even though I am older, I still need a brain check at times. I'm trying, I really am, but sometimes I still have a problem differenciating what normal is. (Also, sometimes, my spelling is bad).
I do appreciate all responses, it's just sometimes a response that I get, even though well meaning, can make me want to run and hide again. I did that too much. I isolated myself when I was married. I was afraid of people who tried to tell me the way things actually were. It's not how my brain was wired at that time. It felt like just another person telling me how wrong I was.
I was in an abusive relationship and I was always being told how wrong I was. It made me fearful of help.
I've been on SR now for about 7 1/2 yrs now. Everyone here is very helpful. I think sometimes a newbie just needs to look for the type of help they are needing at that moment.
Without SR, I would never have developed into the person that I am right now. I am so much stronger now, but even now I still have doubts every now and then.
I come here for the truth.
Thank you to all of you that helped me along the way.
((((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy
I'm divorced now for over 8 years, and I am still recovering and trying to learn who I am, what I like, and how to get things done. It's been very trying, but it is doable.
I started here in Aug 2011. I am an alcoholic. I came here because my life became unmanageable and I needed help.
I got that help here. Here on "Family and Friends". My biggest problem was that I couldn't handle situations and I drank to make them go away, but they never went away, because I wasn't doing the work to take care of myself.
I post things here sometimes just to make sure that I am thinking the right way, and that I am getting stronger. I never had someone that I could discuss these things with, and even though I am older, I still need a brain check at times. I'm trying, I really am, but sometimes I still have a problem differenciating what normal is. (Also, sometimes, my spelling is bad).
I do appreciate all responses, it's just sometimes a response that I get, even though well meaning, can make me want to run and hide again. I did that too much. I isolated myself when I was married. I was afraid of people who tried to tell me the way things actually were. It's not how my brain was wired at that time. It felt like just another person telling me how wrong I was.
I was in an abusive relationship and I was always being told how wrong I was. It made me fearful of help.
I've been on SR now for about 7 1/2 yrs now. Everyone here is very helpful. I think sometimes a newbie just needs to look for the type of help they are needing at that moment.
Without SR, I would never have developed into the person that I am right now. I am so much stronger now, but even now I still have doubts every now and then.
I come here for the truth.
Thank you to all of you that helped me along the way.
((((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
You described your SIL as somewhat antisocial. In spite of that, you describe a man doing his best to 1) make sure the kids get counseling 2) get involved in sports he doesn't care a whole lot about 3) make sure they get to see their mother's family.
Sounds like a pretty decent guy, all told.
Sounds like a pretty decent guy, all told.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
He sounds like a really decent guy. I would maintain my relationship with him and not have anything to do with the obviously toxic daughter. I am so sorry. I am however glad you were invited and got to visit with your grands!
Many hugs!
Many hugs!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Amy.
It is so good to hear from you! My husband and I drove down to Virginia this weekend to attend a celebration of life event for a recently deceased friend, and to see my son and his family.
We broke up the 10 hour return trip by staying overnight in Grantville, around Harrisburg, and I remember you moving to the Gettysburg area farther south.
So I was thinking of you and wondering how you were.
I don't know your son in law, so can't really speak to his motives for inviting you, but I think it was based on good intention. He wanted to give you the opportunity to see your grandsons, which I believe is a kind, humane thing to do.
Sorry about the problems with your daughter. She sounds like a piece of work!
As to the comments from the peanut gallery, your family, honestly, I would just say something like "I can see why you might think that, but I have a different take" and just move on.
It's really between you and your son in law and your grandchildren, not them.
They can trash talk all they want but, end of the day, you got to spend time with your boys, and that's priceless.
As a grandmother whose grandkids live 10 hours away, I would jump at the opportunity to see them, so good for you!
It is so good to hear from you! My husband and I drove down to Virginia this weekend to attend a celebration of life event for a recently deceased friend, and to see my son and his family.
We broke up the 10 hour return trip by staying overnight in Grantville, around Harrisburg, and I remember you moving to the Gettysburg area farther south.
So I was thinking of you and wondering how you were.
I don't know your son in law, so can't really speak to his motives for inviting you, but I think it was based on good intention. He wanted to give you the opportunity to see your grandsons, which I believe is a kind, humane thing to do.
Sorry about the problems with your daughter. She sounds like a piece of work!
As to the comments from the peanut gallery, your family, honestly, I would just say something like "I can see why you might think that, but I have a different take" and just move on.
It's really between you and your son in law and your grandchildren, not them.
They can trash talk all they want but, end of the day, you got to spend time with your boys, and that's priceless.
As a grandmother whose grandkids live 10 hours away, I would jump at the opportunity to see them, so good for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Velma, when I said anti social, perhaps it wasn't the right description. My son in law cannot make eye contact with anyone. He prefers to be by himself. He no longer works, and prefers to make money with on line gambling. He seems to do really good at that, and since it's online he doesn't need to be around people.
He also has a very high IQ and can get a job anywhere, but prefers to stay home.
He has never treated me with any disrespect, he has never hurt me intentionally or unintentionally. He has many weird quirks, but so do many other people.
I did find it to be just a way for me to be with my grandchildren. It was his weekend and he was trying to give me a part of that.
I'm going to keep in touch with him regardless of what my family thinks.
Thank you velma for your view.
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
amy
He also has a very high IQ and can get a job anywhere, but prefers to stay home.
He has never treated me with any disrespect, he has never hurt me intentionally or unintentionally. He has many weird quirks, but so do many other people.
I did find it to be just a way for me to be with my grandchildren. It was his weekend and he was trying to give me a part of that.
I'm going to keep in touch with him regardless of what my family thinks.
Thank you velma for your view.
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
amy
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
