MagnumCat

I have read and heard others say that when you're drunk your true thoughts and feeling come out. That you have the guts to finally say things out loud that you would normally keep inside. Is there any truth to that?

My husband says that I'm a completely different person when I've been drinking. I always blackout so I can only go by what he tells me. I guess I absolutely hate him when I drink. I tell him that I hate him, bring up all past, and anything else hurtful that I can think of.

Is that how I really feel or is it just the alcohol talking? I don't know why I keep doing this to him or me, but something has to change. I don't think I hate him. Sure we have had our bad times, but we will be married 30 years in June. Do I really want to throw that away? Just for alcohol? Or am I really unhappy in this relationship and that's why I drink? I'm so confused.

What are your thoughts? Have you experienced this before?

Prior to this weekend I was six weeks sober and things were good. I wish I could stop giving in to the booze.

Anna

I became a very different person when I was drinking too. But, I think that alcohol affected my thinking and reasoning and caused me to feel anger about so much. In recovery, I was able to begin to feel gratitude in my life. And, I was able to see things clearly in my relationships and to see my part in causing the problems, and to see what I could do to fix my part.

I think that, in recovery, you will be able to learn about the real you.

Finalround

When I'm sober I really like who I am and it comes without effort. When I'm drinking I can't stand who I become and I hide in shame for days after a drunken outburst.

So, if being sober isn't the real me, I guess I'll have to keep faking it.

Which one of YOU do you like best?

doggonecarl

Maybe there are things you drink to avoid, and you end up embracing them when you are drunk, like anger and resentment.

ScottFromWI

My thoughts would be that it really doesn't matter if if it's how your really feel or just the alcohol talking. Kind of like the chicken or the egg- a circular/unanswerable question.

The fact that you realize change is necessary is good - but it's also worth pointing out that your behavior while drinking is not something you can change. Once you pick up that first drink you automatically have to accept that anything that happens thereafter is your responsibility.

What you can change is how you approach alcohol. You can accept that it is not something you need to use, regardless of "why".

ReadyAtLast

Alcohol removes the filter to the 'normal' reasoning and behaviour that we have to be in society.

To interact with others, friends, family, colleagues etc we have to have self discipline and live by the rules of society, whether verbal or physical. you might dislike someone very much if they have wronged you but you wouldn't kill them. Alcohol removes that filter which is why so many fights and murders occur under the influence. It's the same for verbal things. You might hate your boss but probably not best to say it if you wish to continue working there, for example.

I know for me my filter goes completely and I do say things I feel in anger and rage when drunk. I don't think anyone can tell you what you feel about your husband. but I don't say things I don't mean, alcohol just makes me more liable to say them.

NotMe2pls

I also blacked out when I was drinking. And was told by many people that I would flip like a switch from happy & having fun to out of control angry & mean. I would absolutely go off on people. There was no warning. I do not believe that is who I really am. Obviously, I have issues and a past filled with resentments which may bring out that anger more easily while drinking. But sober me is a kind, quiet, and thoughtful person. And with a clear mind, I am better able to look at my issues and work through them in a healthy way. Instead of hiding from embarrassment because of how I acted while drunk. Which was almost always unwarranted.
So, no, you are not alone. And in my opinion it’s not “how you really feel”.
We all have issues but being sober is one less issue to have and makes working on the others that much easier.

dwtbd

I think you're drunk when you're drunk.
Our true, natural unadulterated selves are the 'real' us, alcohol doesn't make anything truer or more authentic just affected.

We have the power to interact with people and either do it as as a true or real person or a drunk.

I'd be willing to bet your husband prefers interacting with not drunk you. Get rid of drunk you , be the real you .

rootin for ya

360shoes

Speaking only for me, I have found that nothing about drinking brought out the real me. I'm no neurologist but I do know that alcohol shuts down the part of your brain that regulates inhibitions. So yes, I have blabbed feelings out that I wouldn't have sober. I have also driven a car drunk and I would never choose to do that sober.

I also try to remember that feelings are not facts. Just because I am feeling something doesn't mean it's reality. It's just how I feel. And even though feelings aren't wrong, how and when I express them may be.

I have a far better chance of being the real me sober than I ever did drunk. Sometimes the real me is angry or pissed off. But at least sober, I can think through those feelings and express them in a healthy way.

Just me.

nez

definition of drunk from Merriam Webster "having the faculties impaired by alcohol"

I am closer to my true self, the less my faculties are impaired; so my answer would be no.

When I was drunk, you were getting a smaller part of me because the powers of my mind (such as will, reason, or instinct) were impaired and not at their full potential. You didn't get to experience the full spectrum of traits that comprises me. You experienced an edited version because parts of me were blocked; and some of those traits that were blocked were the good parts :~)

AnvilheadII

Or am I really unhappy in this relationship and that's why I drink?

more often we drink and then find excuses to keep drinking. we find things to be unhappy about, depressed, upset, mad, sad, etc.

your relationship to alcohol preempts your relationships with anyone else. it is a singular selfish insulary activity. and anyone in shouting distance is a handy target.

you now now clearly that when you drink, you mistreat your husband. you have no control. so with your next drink that is what you are choosing.

get sober, stay sober, and then you can review and assess your life as it is today and make clear headed decisions.

Snowydelrico

No. But that’s what my beast would like to have me think.
I’m getting to know the real me with every day that passes.
We are forever changing to adapt to our surroundings.
That’s my 10pence worth

We weren’t built to run on poison

saoutchik

Congratulations on your 6 weeks of sobriety MagnumCat! If you can analyse when your worst times for wanting a drink and perhaps do something proactive during those times i'm sure you will be successful.

BTW to answer your question, if my true self is a belching, wind-breaking, angry, maudlin, over emotional, braggadocious bore then the answer has to be yes.

I am really, really happy not to be that person any more.

brighterday1234

PeacefulWater12

This. Thankful to be living a sober life.

WeThinkNot

I think normies become a more uninhibited version of themselves after they've had a few drinks.

For myself I would turn into something completely terrible. I've seen videos of myself blackout drunk and it doesn't even look like I'm human. Angry, empty, soulless eyes...

lifewithart

Wow, this is great, thank you!
Mark

Dee74

I know for a fact the real me is the one who's been here for the last 12 years.

That drunk guy was a corrupted version of me, not the real thing

D

MagnumCat

Thank you for all your thoughts.

I just had a talk with my husband. I have recommitted to getting sober. He wanted to know if I had a plan. I told him that I am going to check in here every day for support.

Would I do that through the monthly group or is there a different area I should be using? I need all of your support since I now admit that there is more to this than just quitting. It's staying quit that's hard. and I obviously can't do it on my own.

Thanks for your help!

Dee74

you can join as many monthly or group threads as you like MC - and post as many other threads as you need to as well

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-one-15.html

D