samlynn

Hi all. I have been a part of this forum before. I never ever thought I would be finding myself back here. I had hope (blind expectations turned disappointments) My story is so crazy that even I don't believe it sometimes. I dare not post details because I fear my AH would see this.
He was nearing 3 years sobriety. A few events happened outside his control and he relapsed. He went to a few meetings, made some promises and things were ok (for a few days) this was two months ago. Now he is completely off the rails. He had isolated himself from everyone. His family had cut him off completely. I have been working to maintain boundaries but I just see him hurting and it breaks my heart. We have 4 kids. Our only daughter is a recovering meth addict (part of his "reason" for relapse).
I wanted to kick him out on Saturday but I fear what he will do. He has no friends and unlike the last time I kicked him out, he has no family to turn to. He refuses impatient rehab.

I am getting to this point where I feel crazy all the time. I cannot keep my mind straight for a minute. I know you cannot tell me what to do so I come here to read your experience and find hope.

Mango212

(((((hugs)))))

Welcome back. I'm glad you're here.

Robert88

Welcome back and I do not know what to do because I am horrible with relationships. Thankfully, I am at rehab with no girlfriend at the time or it would be so hard for me to deal with. Rehab is awesome and you can tell him that I said so. It is so amazing to come back from that darkness. It is scary as hell but it is not going to kill you. You meet some amazing people in rehab and you bond quickly because we have the same goals.

Mango212

Robert, good luck with your recovery.

samlynn

Best wishes to you Robert!

AnvilheadII

A few events happened outside his control and he relapsed

let's fix that.

a few events happened outside of his control.
his response was to choose to use drugs/alcohol.
the events are not directly related.
nor is your daughter a reason he chose to use again. only an excuse.
there is never a REASON to use. NEVER.

that he has burned his bridges and his connections to family and friends is HIS problem. that he refused to go to rehab is his choice.

we often tend to put our own wants/needs aside in favor of the addict. yet they are most definitely not putting ANYONE first except themselves. do what is in your best interests, most safe and sane.

NYCDoglvr

What we do know in recovery is we have choices. If I have a craving for alcohol I can a) drink or b) pick up the phone and call my sponsor. There is no reason to drink but lots of excuses. If your daughter is in recovery it's harmful seeing her dad pick up. My heart goes out to you.

mylifeismine

Are you or have you ever been to alanon? Its the best thing for
you to help with that crazy feeling. Its pretty easy to find where
the meetings are online. At this point, the more often you go,
the better you will begin to feel. Remember the truths:
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it.

Please take care of yourself. Do you have any support? You need
support now more than ever. It is heartbreaking and if he was
dying of a terminal illness, you would likely have lots of support,
so please focus on taking care of yourself. He has made his
decision, and your well being is not included.

samlynn

Thank you all so much for your support.

I have always been a very private person and as such, most of those around me do not know my struggles. I am heading to a F2F meeting today. I hope I can find some strength there and leave a little crazy behind.

trailmix

Good for you samlynn for checking out some FtoF support, it takes courage! I think that is underestimated sometimes.

Please let us know how it goes.

mylifeismine

In my experience, when I finally came to realize that I needed
recovery as much as my addicted loved ones, real change happened.
It took time, commitment and courage, but I made my recovery
a priority in my life. I allowed myself all the time, counseling, meetings,
books, hobbies, friends, spiritual growth, and compassion that I needed
to recover. Things are very different now, I am no longer so private,
the shame I mistakenly felt is gone, and I understand and try to live
and let others live their lives as well. Right now, I am content, and
realize that could change at any time. The difference now is I have
a great support system for ME. I am so grateful everyday.

I don't work anyone's recovery but my own. Gave it to God.

Givenup2018

Sam, being on the crazy train again is devastating after so long off it. I don't know what to tell you to do, except try and get back to Al Anon, keep posting here and look up the Bottled Up videos (from UK) for family of alcoholics.
Big hugs to you.

samlynn

So, I was able to find a meeting. I just sat and cried through the whole thing. I feel defeated. I will keep coming back and working the program because I know it works. I am just tired.

Thank you all for your support. One of the best things is to come here and read your posts. I never feel alone.

NYCDoglvr

I can certainly relate. It was massive pain that drove me to the doors of Alanon and the result was enpowerment because of the support and tools of the program. A big hug.