I was told that should post this here on this forum (Harassment and Abuse)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 132
I was told that should post this here on this forum (Harassment and Abuse)
Morning all, I hope you all are having a nice weekend.
My ex boyfriend is also my child's father. He goes weeks at a time without seeing her, and then shows up and takes her whenever he wants. She has told me some things that make me extremely concerned about her well-being when she's with him. When we were together, he beat me, lied to me, cheated on me, and was (still is) an active alcoholic. I've been to a lawyer who filed a lawsuit for emergency custody of my daughter after a few things happened between he and I. He was neglecting my daughter when she was in his care as well. The judge said he's of no threat to me or my daughter (even after pictures of bruises, bloody lips, and missing hair ON ME, not my daughter.) I've expressed how worried I am when she is in his care, but the judge said he's of no threat.
All of that being said, you can guess that the emergency custody never took place. I couldn't get a restraining order on him. NONE OF IT MAKES ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER.
Some days, he texts me non-stop so that by the end of the day, he has sent me about 300 texts. Some of them are threatening, some of them are extremely hurtful. I rarely respond at all. Sometimes I don't even read them. The court doesn't seem to want to do anything about this, and it's eating at me.
My question to you all, is what would you suggest as far as not letting it get to me so badly that I end up drinking? It makes me absolutely insane. Some say to block him from being able to text, but if I do that, I won't know when he is picking our daughter up. He won't let me facetime or talk to my daughter when he has her, so blocking him will only make that even worse (he will do the same when he has her.)
I get SO MENTALLY ill, and down, and absolutely just outside of myself when the texts start coming in... I want to know if there's something I can do to let it get to me less or not at all. It's harassment, and it's verbal abuse.
I want full custody of my kid. I want it more than I've ever really wanted anything. He has absolutely zero intention of raising her in a healthy way. He does all of this just to mess with me, I'm sure.
He has two other children who he never sees. His ex wife got full custody of them, with him having the right to visit once a month on a weekend. He never travels to visit them.
The first second that I see a text come through from him, my stomach starts to turn. I start to sweat! It's so awful.
My ex boyfriend is also my child's father. He goes weeks at a time without seeing her, and then shows up and takes her whenever he wants. She has told me some things that make me extremely concerned about her well-being when she's with him. When we were together, he beat me, lied to me, cheated on me, and was (still is) an active alcoholic. I've been to a lawyer who filed a lawsuit for emergency custody of my daughter after a few things happened between he and I. He was neglecting my daughter when she was in his care as well. The judge said he's of no threat to me or my daughter (even after pictures of bruises, bloody lips, and missing hair ON ME, not my daughter.) I've expressed how worried I am when she is in his care, but the judge said he's of no threat.
All of that being said, you can guess that the emergency custody never took place. I couldn't get a restraining order on him. NONE OF IT MAKES ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER.
Some days, he texts me non-stop so that by the end of the day, he has sent me about 300 texts. Some of them are threatening, some of them are extremely hurtful. I rarely respond at all. Sometimes I don't even read them. The court doesn't seem to want to do anything about this, and it's eating at me.
My question to you all, is what would you suggest as far as not letting it get to me so badly that I end up drinking? It makes me absolutely insane. Some say to block him from being able to text, but if I do that, I won't know when he is picking our daughter up. He won't let me facetime or talk to my daughter when he has her, so blocking him will only make that even worse (he will do the same when he has her.)
I get SO MENTALLY ill, and down, and absolutely just outside of myself when the texts start coming in... I want to know if there's something I can do to let it get to me less or not at all. It's harassment, and it's verbal abuse.
I want full custody of my kid. I want it more than I've ever really wanted anything. He has absolutely zero intention of raising her in a healthy way. He does all of this just to mess with me, I'm sure.
He has two other children who he never sees. His ex wife got full custody of them, with him having the right to visit once a month on a weekend. He never travels to visit them.
The first second that I see a text come through from him, my stomach starts to turn. I start to sweat! It's so awful.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,968
Hi Windpines. I'm so very glad you found us and also so absolutely sorry for what brings you here. You are in the most excruciating, crazy-making situation a person can be in.
I hope you find lots of support here. We do have folks who have been in somewhat similar situations to yours.
I am absolutely no expert but you might be dealing with a narcissist. If so you might want to look into Tina Swithin's information on untangling yourself from the narc. I was struck by how much your description sounded like her writing about her ex-husband. Her webstite/blog is : https://onemomsbattle.com
One problem that she addresses in her work is that many judges do not understand the nature of narcissism. She works to educate judges throughout the US about the disorder and why dealing with such individuals is different.
I can't tell if you are in the US or another country. Also you might not want to give too many details about yourself as we have had partners show up, read and then use the information against a sober recovery member . . . .ugh not fun.
I hope you find lots of support here. We do have folks who have been in somewhat similar situations to yours.
I am absolutely no expert but you might be dealing with a narcissist. If so you might want to look into Tina Swithin's information on untangling yourself from the narc. I was struck by how much your description sounded like her writing about her ex-husband. Her webstite/blog is : https://onemomsbattle.com
One problem that she addresses in her work is that many judges do not understand the nature of narcissism. She works to educate judges throughout the US about the disorder and why dealing with such individuals is different.
I can't tell if you are in the US or another country. Also you might not want to give too many details about yourself as we have had partners show up, read and then use the information against a sober recovery member . . . .ugh not fun.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 66
I am sorry you are going through this and I have a few thoughts. If you are in the US, you should be able to give the protection order another try. Although you didn't get it the first time, the judges may have changed now, and one judge probably doesn't do them all. Also most lawyers will at least do a free consultation if you have legal questions you want answered. try showing the texts to the police, tell them you want to file a report. Having that paper trail may come in handy someday. Do you have a legal document like a divorce or parenting plan outlining his visitation? if not (and if you are in the us) let him take you to court and dont let him see her. The court is there for a reason, to help us settle matters when we dont agree. He may not even be willing to do the work to hire a lawyer and go to court. Also i hope you will go to alanon, therapy or counseling. This is a very stressful situation for you and of course you get tense when he starts in with the texting. Who wouldn't! A normal reaction to the situation I'd say! hugs and please take care of yourself.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Windpines, I'm not sure where you are, but I suggest you get in touch with a domestic violence help service. He doesn't need to be physically abusive towards you or your daughter for you to qualify. He is harassing you and walking all over your concern about your daughter, so don't waste any time seeking expert help.
DV services deal with this all the time and are experienced in how to frame these things to the court. They will also have a good idea about lawyers who are experienced in the DV area as well.
There is help out there for you, so go for it.
DV services deal with this all the time and are experienced in how to frame these things to the court. They will also have a good idea about lawyers who are experienced in the DV area as well.
There is help out there for you, so go for it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
WindPines…..I think that the 1975jen has given you some excellent specific advice (if you are in US)…..I would take it to heart...
I am going to Strongly underline what FeelingGreat has said about contacting your local Domestic Violence organization.....
I am giving you the following number to a hotline...they will be able to help you locate your local organization.....
You can can them anonomyously…
As feelingGreat said...they exist for just this k I nd of situation...and, they have lots of experience....they have resources at their fingertips....and....thay likely do know the best lawyers and how to navigate the system....
also, they will have counselors and support groups foe the various types of abuse.....
The dv organizations are not government connected. They will guard your privacy and are very understanding....
You have nothing to loose.....in your situation, it is important to uncover every stone.....
***I suggest that you report each and every threat directly to the police, also....
a paper trail can be very important.....
I am going to Strongly underline what FeelingGreat has said about contacting your local Domestic Violence organization.....
I am giving you the following number to a hotline...they will be able to help you locate your local organization.....
You can can them anonomyously…
As feelingGreat said...they exist for just this k I nd of situation...and, they have lots of experience....they have resources at their fingertips....and....thay likely do know the best lawyers and how to navigate the system....
also, they will have counselors and support groups foe the various types of abuse.....
The dv organizations are not government connected. They will guard your privacy and are very understanding....
You have nothing to loose.....in your situation, it is important to uncover every stone.....
***I suggest that you report each and every threat directly to the police, also....
a paper trail can be very important.....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 5
The domestic violence hotline is great advice. I would definitely look into it. The text messages are harassment and you should be able to do something about it.
If you're worried about your child while she's in your ex's care you can also contact child protective services. They will at least do an assessment. Depending on your child's age they may talk to her as well.
For your own soul I would recommend finding an al-anon meeting. Sharing keeps me sane and I feel better pretty much immediately. Keep coming back.
If you're worried about your child while she's in your ex's care you can also contact child protective services. They will at least do an assessment. Depending on your child's age they may talk to her as well.
For your own soul I would recommend finding an al-anon meeting. Sharing keeps me sane and I feel better pretty much immediately. Keep coming back.
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