Abuse and Harassment
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 132
Abuse and Harassment
Morning all, I hope you all are having a nice weekend.
My ex boyfriend is also my child's father. He goes weeks at a time without seeing her, and then shows up and takes her whenever he wants. She has told me some things that make me extremely concerned about her well-being when she's with him. When we were together, he beat me, lied to me, cheated on me, and was (still is) an active alcoholic. I've been to a lawyer who filed a lawsuit for emergency custody of my daughter after a few things happened between he and I. He was neglecting my daughter when she was in his care as well. The judge said he's of no threat to me or my daughter (even after pictures of bruises, bloody lips, and missing hair ON ME, not my daughter.) I've expressed how worried I am when she is in his care, but the judge said he's of no threat.
All of that being said, you can guess that the emergency custody never took place. I couldn't get a restraining order on him. NONE OF IT MAKES ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER.
Some days, he texts me non-stop so that by the end of the day, he has sent me about 300 texts. Some of them are threatening, some of them are extremely hurtful. I rarely respond at all. Sometimes I don't even read them. The court doesn't seem to want to do anything about this, and it's eating at me.
My question to you all, is what would you suggest as far as not letting it get to me so badly that I end up drinking? It makes me absolutely insane. Some say to block him from being able to text, but if I do that, I won't know when he is picking our daughter up. He won't let me facetime or talk to my daughter when he has her, so blocking him will only make that even worse (he will do the same when he has her.)
I get SO MENTALLY ill, and down, and absolutely just outside of myself when the texts start coming in... I want to know if there's something I can do to let it get to me less or not at all. It's harassment, and it's verbal abuse.
I want full custody of my kid. I want it more than I've ever really wanted anything. He has absolutely zero intention of raising her in a healthy way. He does all of this just to mess with me, I'm sure.
He has two other children who he never sees. His ex wife got full custody of them, with him having the right to visit once a month on a weekend. He never travels to visit them.
The first second that I see a text come through from him, my stomach starts to turn. I start to sweat! It's so awful.
My ex boyfriend is also my child's father. He goes weeks at a time without seeing her, and then shows up and takes her whenever he wants. She has told me some things that make me extremely concerned about her well-being when she's with him. When we were together, he beat me, lied to me, cheated on me, and was (still is) an active alcoholic. I've been to a lawyer who filed a lawsuit for emergency custody of my daughter after a few things happened between he and I. He was neglecting my daughter when she was in his care as well. The judge said he's of no threat to me or my daughter (even after pictures of bruises, bloody lips, and missing hair ON ME, not my daughter.) I've expressed how worried I am when she is in his care, but the judge said he's of no threat.
All of that being said, you can guess that the emergency custody never took place. I couldn't get a restraining order on him. NONE OF IT MAKES ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER.
Some days, he texts me non-stop so that by the end of the day, he has sent me about 300 texts. Some of them are threatening, some of them are extremely hurtful. I rarely respond at all. Sometimes I don't even read them. The court doesn't seem to want to do anything about this, and it's eating at me.
My question to you all, is what would you suggest as far as not letting it get to me so badly that I end up drinking? It makes me absolutely insane. Some say to block him from being able to text, but if I do that, I won't know when he is picking our daughter up. He won't let me facetime or talk to my daughter when he has her, so blocking him will only make that even worse (he will do the same when he has her.)
I get SO MENTALLY ill, and down, and absolutely just outside of myself when the texts start coming in... I want to know if there's something I can do to let it get to me less or not at all. It's harassment, and it's verbal abuse.
I want full custody of my kid. I want it more than I've ever really wanted anything. He has absolutely zero intention of raising her in a healthy way. He does all of this just to mess with me, I'm sure.
He has two other children who he never sees. His ex wife got full custody of them, with him having the right to visit once a month on a weekend. He never travels to visit them.
The first second that I see a text come through from him, my stomach starts to turn. I start to sweat! It's so awful.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 18
That sounds awful. I’m no lawyer, but it sounds like you have a compelling argument this person a threat. You mentioned the courts and judge a couple times, but didn’t mention having a lawyer. Do you have an attorney representing you in all this? If not, I would recommend you talk with one. Even “obvious” cases aren’t something to try without proper counsel.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 132
I have had a lawyer in the past, and when we submitted the lawsuit proving all of the abuse, the judge said that he was of no threat to me or my daughter. The proof was pictures of my face after he beat me, bruises all over my body from him beating me. I walked in on him after work one day and he was masturbating on the couch while her daughter was sitting in the kitchen in her full diaper playing with utensils.
I have submitted this all in court and the judge, a female judge, and said that he was absolutely no threat to me or my daughter. He is an ex cop… I was wondering if maybe he still had connections. He was fired for insurance fraud and filing a false police report. That was right after he went crazy and threaten suicide well he was supposed to be working.
I have submitted this all in court and the judge, a female judge, and said that he was absolutely no threat to me or my daughter. He is an ex cop… I was wondering if maybe he still had connections. He was fired for insurance fraud and filing a false police report. That was right after he went crazy and threaten suicide well he was supposed to be working.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
windpines, im glad youre here and truly sorry for what youre going through. no matter what- a drink WILL NOT help.
i strongly encourage you to visit the friends and family of alcoholics here and start this same thread there. there is some amazing experience, strength, and hope there from people that have been in similar situations.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
i strongly encourage you to visit the friends and family of alcoholics here and start this same thread there. there is some amazing experience, strength, and hope there from people that have been in similar situations.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I think at the very least see a lawyer and get proper arrangements in place for access. He can't just turn up when he wants and take her. It's unreasonable and no court would consider that acceptable. You do not have to let him take her if there are not proper arrnagements in place. How old is she?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,907
I am so sorry and I certainly don’t blame you for being very worried. Can you go back to a different lawyer and/or ask same lawyer to file a request for custody that is not an emergency? In other words if there’s any chance the outcome had to do with the fact that you were seeking a PO and an emergency order, maybe you can try again with a different request like permanent custody that is not heard as an emergency? don’t know what state you are in so it could be this won’t make a difference but I’d keep as meticulous of records as you can. Screen shots of texts. Notes of when he has her and doesn’t etc. You may or may not be able to use it in court but if he gets a lawyer with half a brain I’m guessing that will make them act more reasonably. Sending you hugs above all (but also encouragement to get a good lawyer).
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: AUD
Posts: 359
This needs to go back in front of a magistrate ASAP. You're bests to get representation as others have mentioned.
did the magistrate even read the txt messenges and look at the pic?
He sounds like he has a few screws loose for sure, he is a danger to you and her.
did the magistrate even read the txt messenges and look at the pic?
He sounds like he has a few screws loose for sure, he is a danger to you and her.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,614
Hi Windpines, so sorry you are having a rough time.
First of all I will second what tomsteve suggested - that you also post this in the Friend and Family of Alcoholics forum - lots of experience with this type of situation over there and can give suggestions about documenting things etc:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
When he was violent, did you ever call the police? Have you been to the police station to show them the 300 texts and asked to charge him with harassment.
If you want to get him to back off you are going to have to start to press charges so you have something to back this up with in court, imo.
Each and every time he does this you should be either at the police station (a personal visit initially might be a good idea) and then on the phone with them thereafter.
First of all I will second what tomsteve suggested - that you also post this in the Friend and Family of Alcoholics forum - lots of experience with this type of situation over there and can give suggestions about documenting things etc:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
When he was violent, did you ever call the police? Have you been to the police station to show them the 300 texts and asked to charge him with harassment.
If you want to get him to back off you are going to have to start to press charges so you have something to back this up with in court, imo.
Each and every time he does this you should be either at the police station (a personal visit initially might be a good idea) and then on the phone with them thereafter.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, WindPines.
Welcome.
How about speaking with someone at a domestic violence office/shelter?
They are very knowledgeable about the legal side of issues like yours. Perhaps they have advice?
Myself, I would get a different attorney or a different judge. Or both.
I know how to get a different attorney but don't know how you can get a different judge. Maybe the dv people have insights because, honestly, from your post you have good cause for a restraining order or supervised visits and full custody of your child.
Your ex sounds off the rails.
Good luck and good thoughts.
Welcome.
How about speaking with someone at a domestic violence office/shelter?
They are very knowledgeable about the legal side of issues like yours. Perhaps they have advice?
Myself, I would get a different attorney or a different judge. Or both.
I know how to get a different attorney but don't know how you can get a different judge. Maybe the dv people have insights because, honestly, from your post you have good cause for a restraining order or supervised visits and full custody of your child.
Your ex sounds off the rails.
Good luck and good thoughts.
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