QltyAngl7

If you've been around AA for a while you might've noticed there are certain topics discussed or statements being made that kind of go all around the fellowship at certain given times. I've always noticed this and as someone who doesn't typically trust herself and know what she sees I was in fact I was a little surprised to find these sayings or topics are not just specific to my area; they go all over the country. Maybe even the world. don't know, haven't gotten that far yet. *world traveller yet to come! *

Here's one I've heard lately and I want to speak on it:

"I don't do this perfectly." (the steps).

This sounds like an excuse to me. And I warn people not to let it seep so far down into the consciousness of the fellowship with repetitive mimickings of it that it waters down the spiritual perfection we seek.

Thoughts?

Bobbieka

We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Pg 60 BB

I think it is important to focus more on progress rather than trying to be perfect. Not only in my recovery - but in my life. If I am striving for perfection I will constantly feel I am coming up short. Progress, on the other hand, is attainable on a daily basis. I'm always just trying to be a little better than I was yesterday.

QltyAngl7

I agree wholeheartedly.

What I'm talking about is that I hear "I'm still human" in a way that I am certain is going to, and has already become with many, an excuse. I can always tell which speakers are doing this too.
It is not okay to go out and hurt someone in AA then say when speaking at a meeting, "I certainly don't do this perfectly," when really that person is just not making an amends.

QltyAngl7

Speaking of which, why have so few of us ever gotten amends from others in AA? Those are the FIRST people we should be making amends to. Our spiritual Family. Others who suffer like we have. We are all already so wounded.

fini

yep.always statements being made, all over the place.
sticking with the original and taking my cues from there works fine, i find.

August252015

IMO lots of things in AA, especially individual sayings/interpretations and such can be used by anyone as an excuse. Or, one of us can decide it would be an excuse for us, remember we cannot know what another person is thinking (ever)....and listen for their ESH. Some of which will resonate, some won't and so on.

To me, "take what you want and leave the rest" can be a risky statement or position- if used the wrong way. For me, I put it along with "look for the people who have what you want" and find the key parts of the program that best enable me to LIVE my best life in recovery. Here at just past 3 yrs, that means living in 1, 10, 11 and 12. That's where I do best.

QltyAngl7

Absolutely! That means make use of what you can or hear, not "do the steps selectively".
Oh. Also, I heard a lady say once as part of step 11 she asks God in the mornings to help her stay away from a drink, a drug and a cigarette.

QltyAngl7

edit

tomsteve

heres another one:
AA has given me the right to be wrong.
AA has given me the right to believe what i want to believe and no one else has to believe it. if other people dont like it, then they have a problem.

saying im still human is saying im not a saint, im still alive, and still have to practice the principles.

others making excuses isnt my problem.

heres a part of "acceptance was the answer" i dont hear people talk about often and its great reading:
Then, one day in A.A., I was told that I had the
lenses in my glasses backwards; “the courage to
change” in the Serenity Prayer meant not that I
should change my marriage, but rather that I should
change myself and learn to accept my spouse as she
was. A.A. has given me a new pair of glasses. I can
again focus on my wife’s good qualities and watch
them grow and grow and grow.
I can do the same thing with an A.A. meeting. The
more I focus my mind on its defects—late start, long
drunkalogs, cigarette smoke—the worse the meeting
becomes. But when I try to see what I can add to the
meeting, rather than what I can get out of it, and when
I focus my mind on what’s good about it, rather than
what’s wrong with it, the meeting keeps getting better
and better. When I focus on what’s good today, I have
a good day, and when I focus on what’s bad, I have a
bad day. If I focus on a problem, the problem increases; if I focus on the answer, the answer increases

Tommyh

some years ago I had a old-timer for a sponsor
he told me one day, in every AA meeting, there are all levels of sanity and insanity and spirituality

if that be true, and I believe it is,AA is exactly what it is supposed to be at the present time

just my experience and opinion and that's how I try to see it today

Ken33xx

I’ve been in AA long enough to realize it is rarely cut and dry why some get sober and some don’t.

The best we can do is share our ESH honestly.

Gottalife

"Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? Does this mean we are going to get drunk? Some people tell us so. But this is only a half-truth. It depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience." Page 70.

AA is governed by a set of spiritual principles/laws. No human enforces them, but if you stick around long enough you will see that there is always a price to be paid for continually breaking those laws.

tomsteve

why should i get amends from other people in AA?
why should i make amends to others in AA?

QltyAngl7

Good questions to ponder.
I (collectively) should get amends from others in AA so I know this really works, and I'm not sitting among phonies. For the traditions and good of the fellowship AND the work.


I should make amends in the place I found God in, because if I don't I personally feel like a fraud and can't carry my message with confidence.

fini

i have not harmed anyone in AA nor has anyone there harmed me, so no amends have been in order with anyone there.
there have been a few instances if promptly admitting when i’m wrong, and others have apologized to me for the occasional minor rudeness....but certainly no harm.

Ken33xx

Suppose you don't...what then?

Ken33xx

That's the way I feel as well.

However, I don't doubt there are people in AA who lie and use other members.

August252015

I'm another who doesn't understand why we "should" focus on or make "amends to other AA people first."

For me, actively living in 10/11 (plus 1 and 12) is the best way to keep me current on amends- and not develop resentments that start me on the path to a step 4/5/9 process in the first place. If one really gets to me and I can't shake it, like with my husband's ex wife...I do the 4/5 so I never have to do a 9 (no way will I ever do something that demands that with her! Ha).

People in AA are just like any other people. Except, I "should" give them the benefit of the doubt bc maybe, just like me, they are doing the best they can at any given time. Perhaps even more consciously than the average bear. And move on, in my lane.

I'm not perfect...but I know what to do to be better.

Just my take.

tomsteve

ya want to know how it really works?
work it.
its not up to you or me to say who should and shouldnt make amends and to whom they should and shouldnt. its not up to us to take the inventory of others and decide for them- thats playing God and saying we know better than God what people should do, which there IS a solution for in the BB.
imma gonna thump the BB a little more and say i believe the solution starts on the bottom of page 60. startes with a lil sumthin like this:
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way.
onto pg 61 a lil down the page:
Our actor is self-centered - ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays

a lil on pg 61
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so.
a lil more
This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work

Qlty, mind if i ask where youre at in the steps?

Tommyh

I am responsible for making my amends and not responsible for others making their amends

is there a resentment under all this stuff?