Evoo

Hey,

Look. I get it. I had issues with alcohol in my 20s, but really -- were they that bad?

Sure, there were blackout nights, the benders, the withdrawals, that time I passed out at a big family event and disappointed the people closest to me -- but I've long made up for that past, people see me as "normal" now. That was my 20s. I figured it out, learned to moderate. I mean I have rough weekends now and then, but everyone who's anyone gets the occasional hangover, right? It's just part of life -- we deal, we move on.

It should be okay if I have a sip at Christmas. Dad is going to open a very good bottle of wine, and cousins will certainly be uncorking some incredible aged single malts. A taste is fine. Just don't overdo it.

Those moments, those tastes -- they're what makes life worth living, right?

Sobriety is a cult. Counting days is what drug addicts do... you just tipped back too many drinks every now and then, it wasn't that bad. Abstinence only -- what a crock.

So you're just never going to have a toast of champaign at a wedding? You're never going to get invited to a wine or whiskey tasting? Or a brewery/distillery tour? And what about vacations? Holidays? You'll always be "that guy" who can't drink. Is that what you want? Is that really what you want?

Real weakness is abstinence.

Why abstain from something you like? Just have less of it. You can have less. And learn to be like your friends and just don't drink if they're hungover -- gut it out, man.

What the hell is wrong with you?

That's what a real man of character and self-control does. You drink sometimes. It's not ******* hard. Grow up.

There's some business trips coming up, too. Would it be so bad if you made it to the hotel bar with a colleague and ordered a double makers? You remember that, right? The taste, the rush of endorphins when the scent of the alcohol hits your brain, the slight burn down the hatch, the instant feeling of warmth and well-being and camaraderie? The connections you build with people when the defenses are down?

Most of your best connections, friendships and networks were forged over drinks. What now? You're going to miss out on those. And everyone is planning an Octoberfest week without you. That's your fault, your failure -- but it's not too late to say you could do it.

Log out of SoberRecovery for awhile -- you're getting addicted to recovery like your Aunt who abandoned her entire life for AA (I mean, that's all she ever does or talks about now). Everybody finds it annoying. They say it behind her back. That will be you.

I mean, even if you "relapse" and it gets bad, you'll be able to post again and start over with another "day one." I mean, it's understandable, right? Everyone relapses. Everyone does. It's part of the process.

You'll be fine. You can still drink, it will be fine.

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Thanks for indulging this post if you've read this far. But I needed to give some voice to my internal monologue today. I get hammered with this a lot. Trying to detach from my AV.

I still have a long way to go.

What does your AV sound like?

doggonecarl

You spend too much time dialoguing with your addiction.

You don't drink. Shut it down.

Evoo

No doubt. How?

Snowydelrico

Mine has been put on mute.
If I drink it gets its loud speaker back

Feed your sobriety to starve the beast

doggonecarl

Research Rational Recovery and AVRT Recovery.

OtterIsland

Evoo-

My AV tells me I can have those three glasses of wine tonight...no one will care and what is three glasses of wine going to do to me anyway? Don't you want to go home, build a wood stove fire, open some red wine, watch a movie and hang out on the couch all by yourself? Sounds like fun to me!!

And I have to find the strength to tell my AV, no, actually that isn't what I should do at all, even if it is what I'd like to do. And if it's a night when my husband and/or kids will be home, I'm fine. If it really is a night I'll be alone watch out because the loud speaker comes on as I get into the care to leave work and drive past all the stores.....

Nearly a daily battle but i have to fight back, each time.

Evoo

Found The Crash Course On AVRT on Google.

This is actually very helpful. Thanks for sharing -- I'll work through these.

dwtbd

There are really good threads on those ideas right here on SR in the Secular recovery forum and sub forums.
Look in the stickies for links to some of the longer threads.

ScottFromWI

I have found that it's a lot easier to start doing something new/something else vs trying "not" to do something. "Something else" can be literally anything. It's probably a good idea to have some of your day devoted to dealing with recovery specific things like meetings, reading, praying, meditating, whatever else you do.

Write up a schedule if you have to. And what you "do" is really not all that important. Cleaning your kitchen, planting some tomatoes, going to a lecture at your local library, volunteering at a food pantry, taking a class, the list is virtually endless. But bottom line engage your brain in something else - it leaves no time for petty/cyclical arguments with your own past/addiction.

CupofJoe

Meditation was hugely helpful to me. By sitting quietly with my thoughts, trying to focus on my breath, I eventually could really see that my monkey brain was going to jump around as it wished. I could gently bring it back to focusing on my breath and the thoughts would drift away.

It helped me see that in some ways, I have no control over what thoughts originate in my brain, I don't have to act on my thoughts, by taking gentle action (redirecting my focus to my breath, or just doing something else if I'm not meditating), then my thoughts change.

Like others said, it's more helpful for me to focus on what I'm doing rather than try NOT to think of something.

I dare you: don't think of a green orangutan eating an ice cream cone. What did you think of?

I eventually learned to acknowledge and recognize the intrusive alcoholic thoughts, but not to dwell on them and certainly not to indulge them.

Good discussion!

DreamCatcher17

When the AV would veer its head. I would shut it down with "that's a stupid thought" repeat until done, or change the subject in my head to a pretty rainbow or butterflies or a nice word like "I feel good" and repeat it until I felt my mind has changed topics

Coldfusion

Although I am a strong believer in AA and meetings, I find some of the concepts of AVRT very illuminating. The term "addictive voice" is used a lot here at SoberRecovery.

Report back to us after you take the "AVRT Crash Course!"

MLD51

Mine tries to tell me sometimes that I should surely be able to handle it now that I've gone over 4 years without drinking. I tell it to have many many seats. Sometimes I get more stern and tell it to shut the F up. I'll even say it out loud if I have to. The good news is, I hear that voice less and less the longer I stay sober.

WhoDeyPI

The Summer months will be a challenge for me. Around here in North Carolina...
We boat on the lake, while drinking.
We swim in the lake, while drinking.
We go to the beach, to drink.
We have pool parties, and drink.
We country folk love our drinking.

My AV has said that maybe on my birthday, out on the lake, I can have a day of drinking. Once a year, blow it out, just once a year.

Then I punch my AV in the face and move on with my life.

Chrissy1104

Robert88

Does it try to get you to use almost every day?

ReadyAtLast

It is so easy to let in if you let it. As others have said cut it off, don't let it say so much. That's too much

Mine came upon me today unexpectedly. I thought of something else, got up and walked somewhere else and did something. Physical and mental change. It worked.

PalmerSage

I tried to stop drinking many times before and failed. I've done better this time because I never dialogue with my AV. In the very early months, anytime a thought of a drink popped up, I said "NO," sometimes out loud. I don't look at alcohol in the store and I don't entertain romantic thoughts of drinking.

DriGuy

Boating and drinking are good things to do at same time. So is discharging fire arms while drunk. That's the old American spirit!

Evoo

Thanks, everyone.

I'm going to shut it down.

Was feeling good/proud, then started bleeding into shame and guilt again. Not even sure why, but started letting thoughts enter my head that the permanency of this decision is unnecessary.

I have to recognize that for what it is.

I don't think I even realized how much alcohol thoughts swarm my head -- until I attempted to externalize the addiction in this way.

Thanks all