How to get through a birthday?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: NC
Posts: 452
How to get through a birthday?
2/17/19 was my first sober day (I have relapsed many many times over the years). I'm doing pretty well this time and have been feeling more confident - I don't know when I was last sober for this long! My birthday is next week - historically a time for solitary bingeing - and I am so scared I'm going to fail. My AV has been working overtime, even dragging out the "you can drink just that day and go right back to sobriety" line.
I know I need to start making alternate plans in advance so I'm ready to handle the day when it comes. Please, any suggestions? I wish I could be locked into an isolation chamber until it's over.
I know I need to start making alternate plans in advance so I'm ready to handle the day when it comes. Please, any suggestions? I wish I could be locked into an isolation chamber until it's over.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 513
What is the current plan for your Birthday? This early on I would NOT advise any big Birthday party with friends, especially as you are already thinking 'I can have one and go back to sobriety.'
I think I quit around a week or two before my 35th Birthday last year. I advised my friends I wasn't having a party and instead opted for dinner with my husband followed by a burlesque cruise. Even though I'd made the decision that I never wanted to drink again, I still think I'd have been at risk if I'd celebrated with more than just my husband, so I simply didn't put myself at risk of drinking.
I think I quit around a week or two before my 35th Birthday last year. I advised my friends I wasn't having a party and instead opted for dinner with my husband followed by a burlesque cruise. Even though I'd made the decision that I never wanted to drink again, I still think I'd have been at risk if I'd celebrated with more than just my husband, so I simply didn't put myself at risk of drinking.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Lascaux, my birthday is this weekend, and I have plans to spend it with my family. There is no other plan you want to have but not to drink, but you can supplement your day with some other things. Your AV is not something you need to listen to on your birthday.
I would make sure you deal with the basics of your body and mind. Plan to have good meals throughout the day. Don't believe the idea that you are owed a day off from sobriety. If you have somebody to do something with like seeing a movie, make a date to do that or something else to celebrate the day with someone who is also not bent on drinking. Go to a meeting late in the day or in the evening. If you have to shop for that day, do it the day before when you will not be purchasing anything but what you really need. Post to SR if you are feeling weakened. Play the tape forward.
You can do the right thing if you really want it.
I would make sure you deal with the basics of your body and mind. Plan to have good meals throughout the day. Don't believe the idea that you are owed a day off from sobriety. If you have somebody to do something with like seeing a movie, make a date to do that or something else to celebrate the day with someone who is also not bent on drinking. Go to a meeting late in the day or in the evening. If you have to shop for that day, do it the day before when you will not be purchasing anything but what you really need. Post to SR if you are feeling weakened. Play the tape forward.
You can do the right thing if you really want it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
Lots of good advice here.
My last few birthdays were sober birthdays. I focused on a big meal or event — like I *love* ribs, so my friends took me out to a smokehouse, I just said upfront that I wasn’t drinking anything and then I ate my face off.
Another birthday fell on a weekend so I planned it as a day out hiking and on the boat. I smoked cigars, drank lots of diet cokes — but I didn’t drink.
In both situations I was fully committed to not drinking and made it clear to others that I wasn’t (particularly those in my group who would “give me a hard time” about it).
Ultimately, I know that’s tough — but when you actually lay out the cost/benefit of drinking vs. not (like literally write it down on paper — pros and cons) if you’re an alcoholic who is honest with yourself, the “con” list gets pretty long.
As Gunner said, play the tape forward. Say you drink — then what?
Good luck and so glad you posted! You can do it
My last few birthdays were sober birthdays. I focused on a big meal or event — like I *love* ribs, so my friends took me out to a smokehouse, I just said upfront that I wasn’t drinking anything and then I ate my face off.
Another birthday fell on a weekend so I planned it as a day out hiking and on the boat. I smoked cigars, drank lots of diet cokes — but I didn’t drink.
In both situations I was fully committed to not drinking and made it clear to others that I wasn’t (particularly those in my group who would “give me a hard time” about it).
Ultimately, I know that’s tough — but when you actually lay out the cost/benefit of drinking vs. not (like literally write it down on paper — pros and cons) if you’re an alcoholic who is honest with yourself, the “con” list gets pretty long.
As Gunner said, play the tape forward. Say you drink — then what?
Good luck and so glad you posted! You can do it
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
My first sober birthday in years was when I turned 40. It was wonderful and I was very proud.
I'd suggest you plan the day out. Whatever can take up the time, things you enjoy - go to the movies, make lunch plans with a friend, go to an AA meeting (what are you doing as a program?), volunteer somewhere, spend an hour or two at a bookstore or do something else outside home that can feel "fun" and celebratory that has nothing to do with your old routine for bdays.
Check in here.
You can do it - it is great to look back at each sober bday and go "yep, I did it!"
I'd suggest you plan the day out. Whatever can take up the time, things you enjoy - go to the movies, make lunch plans with a friend, go to an AA meeting (what are you doing as a program?), volunteer somewhere, spend an hour or two at a bookstore or do something else outside home that can feel "fun" and celebratory that has nothing to do with your old routine for bdays.
Check in here.
You can do it - it is great to look back at each sober bday and go "yep, I did it!"
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Sounds like my birthday. And thanksgiving. And Christmas. And new years. And any other holiday you can think of.
Drink all alone by myself and let my mind go into the netherworld of the very intoxicated.
I did it to take my mind off being alone at these times. Oh, there were invitations and opportunities to be with others, but I wouldn't be able to drink as much as I could hold. Which was a lot.
Nope. Be alone and do what I did best. Drink myself into oblivion that only the true alcoholic can understand.
Sad. Sad but true. And I did it for years.
Now, with ten years sober, I can do what I choose. I can safely hide from the bruhaha or partake in the fun. Sober.
I can't take a one day vacation off sobriety. A hard lesson learned.
Have a happy birthday in the truest sense. With a clear head and no regrets, fear and anxiety the next day.
Wishing you the best.
Drink all alone by myself and let my mind go into the netherworld of the very intoxicated.
I did it to take my mind off being alone at these times. Oh, there were invitations and opportunities to be with others, but I wouldn't be able to drink as much as I could hold. Which was a lot.
Nope. Be alone and do what I did best. Drink myself into oblivion that only the true alcoholic can understand.
Sad. Sad but true. And I did it for years.
Now, with ten years sober, I can do what I choose. I can safely hide from the bruhaha or partake in the fun. Sober.
I can't take a one day vacation off sobriety. A hard lesson learned.
Have a happy birthday in the truest sense. With a clear head and no regrets, fear and anxiety the next day.
Wishing you the best.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
Originally Posted by Ghostlight1 
Sounds like my birthday. And thanksgiving. And Christmas. And new years. And any other holiday you can think of.
Drink all alone by myself and let my mind go into the netherworld of the very intoxicated.
I did it to take my mind off being alone at these times. Oh, there were invitations and opportunities to be with others, but I wouldn't be able to drink as much as I could hold. Which was a lot.
Nope. Be alone and do what I did best. Drink myself into oblivion that only the true alcoholic can understand.
Sad. Sad but true. And I did it for years.
Now, with ten years sober, I can do what I choose. I can safely hide from the bruhaha or partake in the fun. Sober.
I can't take a one day vacation off sobriety. A hard lesson learned.
Have a happy birthday in the truest sense. With a clear head and no regrets, fear and anxiety the next day.
Wishing you the best.
Drink all alone by myself and let my mind go into the netherworld of the very intoxicated.
I did it to take my mind off being alone at these times. Oh, there were invitations and opportunities to be with others, but I wouldn't be able to drink as much as I could hold. Which was a lot.
Nope. Be alone and do what I did best. Drink myself into oblivion that only the true alcoholic can understand.
Sad. Sad but true. And I did it for years.
Now, with ten years sober, I can do what I choose. I can safely hide from the bruhaha or partake in the fun. Sober.
I can't take a one day vacation off sobriety. A hard lesson learned.
Have a happy birthday in the truest sense. With a clear head and no regrets, fear and anxiety the next day.
Wishing you the best.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
My best birthdays have been sober ones
do whatever you want Lascaux - do something that adds to your spirit and brings you enjoyment - it's your day - a special day - far too special to spend it alone in your room, drinking
Happy Birthday
D
do whatever you want Lascaux - do something that adds to your spirit and brings you enjoyment - it's your day - a special day - far too special to spend it alone in your room, drinking
Happy Birthday
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
My first sober birthday was also when I turned forty. I went cross country skiing and went out for sushi afterward, if I recall. I kept the tags the cross country skiing place gave us; it was a nice memento.
I felt like everything was exciting - or maybe I forced myself to see it that way and it prevailed. My birthday is during the holiday season and I was basically sauced for a week and a half straight for all of the years I was an adult. The morning after my birthday, we woke up before dawn, loaded the car, and drove to another cross country skiing spot several hundred miles away, because we were on vacation anyway and the weather was warming up where we were on my birthday.
Looking back, it seems that I planned activities that required abstention from alcohol. What a nice gift that was. I recall that I came here and posted about it at some point. It was easy, but it was also very difficult fighting all of the habitual rituals. At the end of every day, though, I felt so good. And the mornings, so good.
It was huge, in retrospect, getting through that birthday and not just “getting through” but actually experiencing it. It was fun and exciting and felt like a celebration of moving forward. Which if you think about it, is what birthdays are.
I felt like everything was exciting - or maybe I forced myself to see it that way and it prevailed. My birthday is during the holiday season and I was basically sauced for a week and a half straight for all of the years I was an adult. The morning after my birthday, we woke up before dawn, loaded the car, and drove to another cross country skiing spot several hundred miles away, because we were on vacation anyway and the weather was warming up where we were on my birthday.
Looking back, it seems that I planned activities that required abstention from alcohol. What a nice gift that was. I recall that I came here and posted about it at some point. It was easy, but it was also very difficult fighting all of the habitual rituals. At the end of every day, though, I felt so good. And the mornings, so good.
It was huge, in retrospect, getting through that birthday and not just “getting through” but actually experiencing it. It was fun and exciting and felt like a celebration of moving forward. Which if you think about it, is what birthdays are.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,974
My 50th birthday was my first sober birthday since 16! It was also the most uneventful and wonderful birthday I’ve ever had. Took the day off work, laid around in my pjs for a while, went to get a massage. My husband brought home sushi for dinner. Everyone wanted me to have a big party. I did everything I wanted. It was great. You just need to change your expectations.
You can do it!
You can do it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: NC
Posts: 452
Originally Posted by Guener
Don't believe the idea that you are owed a day off from sobriety..
Thanks everyone for the suggestions, especially the memento idea! I'm going to do some activity planning tonight using these suggestions as a guide (I like the movie thought too - isn't HTTYD still playing?), and part of it will include coming up with some crafty project - maybe a bracelet or something - to celebrate my first sober birthday in (lordy, I don't even know - 15 or 20 years? There may have been one somewhere in there).
Yesterday I was worried and almost despairing, like I felt my failure was unavoidable. Thanks to you folks I'm starting off my morning excited and actually looking forward to my birthday! You people are all amazingly generous.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: NC
Posts: 452
Will do! I'm glad I came here for help in advance instead of letting my AV roll over me. I'll be checking in on the 24 hour site over the weekend and will post after my birthday next week - sober!
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