KeepingUp

I'm just at 2 months since my last drink. It feels... right. I don't really miss it, but I've also been so busy that it's been easy not to want to drink. Not that being busy would always stop me before, but that's a different story.

I'm happy to be sober, but I'd be lying to say I'm happy in general. I've been feeling a bit depressed and isolated recently. I don't think either are particularly related to drinking, except perhaps in the fact that not drinking hasn't made my life into the perfect existence that I want it to be I KNOW that my life is much better without alcohol and it honestly feels good not to drink, I just have felt like I can barely keep up with tasks lately and now that I haven't lost any days to a hangover or the resulting anxiety after a binge, I feel like I should be experiencing some relief and extra time to get sh-t done, but I'm not.

Obviously things would be A LOT HARDER OR IMPOSSIBLE with alcohol still in my life, but I'm just not feeling cloud nine or anything about the whole sobriety thing. I still am committed and have little to no desire to drink, but I felt like I wanted to share that.

Thank you all, though. This forum has been great to me over the years (yes, years, I've switched up usernames a few times, to my embarrassment) and even though I've not been super active these last few months, I do check in most days and enjoy reading what everyone's sharing. It was also super helpful when I took a weekend trip early on. I'll keep utilizing this tool, and appreciate the support I've gotten here. <3

MantaLady

At rehab we did a session on "normal life" and what that feels like for an addict. As we are used to triggering those dopamine and seratonin pleasure centres with substances we have become so used to instant gratification that we often find in sobriety "normal" day to day life can feel a quite dull. We have trained our brains that constant hits of dopamine on demand is a normal way to feel...and it really isn't lol.

I had and still have a lot to learn about my new normal, learning to love my new normal. Daily gratitude has certainly helped with that. xx

WhoDeyPI

Congrats on 2 months, you're at that point where for me, my sobriety wasn't feeling "new" and "exciting" anymore, but more of just "the norm". My journey has been quite the emotional roller coaster. Some days I'm back to feeling proud of my sobriety, and feel like I'm back to that new sober "high", and other days I'm just like....bleh. Just have to keep a balance and know that your path is just that, a path.

KeepingUp

Thank you! Yes, I definitely get that. My current (mild) depression and feeling isolated I really don't think is actually related to not drinking, it's more from some other factors that have me a bit stretched thin. And it's not that I want to drink, but more just me feeling huffy that I have all this "extra time" that I'm not wasting on getting wasted, but I still haven't had time to really get some stuff sorted out that I'd like to. Also, just end of winter blues. I'm ready for some spring

But, all that's to say, I'm very grateful for what feels like a perspective shift at a deeper level than before, and maybe some real acceptance that I can't drink in safety, nor do I want to. I've enjoyed being sober. I actually saw a few wasted people at an event I attended recently and thought about how stupid they looked (although there was alcohol there, it wasn't really the type of event you'd expect people to get sloshed). But I also thought about how I've been that person and I had a lot of compassion for them. If nothing else, they were in for a rough tomorrow and I'm happy not to worry about those any more.

Guener

I have a new set of routines that I follow now that though not especially exciting are comfortable, for now. Maybe I am so grateful not to feel like I'm dying or want to is still a relief for me. Some days are slow and a bit dull, but I find that I can usually pass through that okay and without thinking of drinking. I'm giving myself plenty of time to see what it's like to be living a "normal" existence, and I'm not there yet.

It's true that busy doesn't always mean happy, go-lucky. We need some time to ourselves that is pleasurable, just not a constant pursuit of being drugged into another state. I don't have the funds to do a lot of the things like travel or eating out that I once enjoyed (even without alcohol at times), so I have to discover some new pursuits that are in line with my situation. Truly, I am a work in progress and not a supreme new man.

I don't know what else to expect, nor am I demanding of the world.

DriGuy

Probably not everyone gets the cloud nine experience. I did and it was wonderful, but it's only an emotion. Emotions are real of course, but they are only emotions, not something that should run our lives. Cloud nine eventually becomes a new normal and you stop experiencing it, anyway. You don't really need it. It's just something that some of us experience.

But two months and not missing alcohol is real progress, and congratulations. I'm happy to hear it. You've done well, Mr. Spock.

ReadyAtLast

Great responses. It's getting used to not having the ups and downs, the instant highs and horrendous lows. It's just a balanced plodding along. I get busy but feel drained rather than happy. I'm not unhappy but not ecstatic either but most importantly I have peace of mind.

Dee74

Good to see you back KeepingUp. I'm not sure if I've said this to you before , but just not drinking was not enough to lead me to happiness.

What it did do was give me a level workbench to work from, and a capacity to look for and find answers & solutions to my unhappiness , depression, and anxiety - all of which I carried around for years, even before my first drink or first toke.

A little counselling helped me , and then I got a lot of ideas and suggestions from SR and other places.

Try not to get discouraged - it might take a while - we drank for years and probably felt unhappy for longer than that - but there is happiness to be had

D

DriGuy

I've heard one psychologist imply that's the ideal state. And I probably agree, but I'm not entirely sure. I equate it with contentment, but sometimes I miss the extreme highs of my 20s (not drug related), but I don't miss the wretched lows either.

MLD51

I have come to accept that is the ideal state. I like it. It took a while to get used to - it felt like boredom for a while. Because life was chaotic and unstable for so long that I got used to THAT and thought it was normal. Took some adjustment when the drama mostly stopped. I had grown to need the drama, in a way, even though I knew I didn't like it.

I sometimes reflect on how life used to be, compared to now. I do that when life seems blah and dull. I have to reframe blah and dull in my mind. It's peace of mind. And then I do something small that isn't dull and in my normal routine, to refresh myself. Could be something as simple as going to a new restaurant, a new park to walk in, a museum.

DriGuy

So true!

I just caught your tagline, which I don't usually pay a lot of attention to. But this one hit home, because in my usual long winded style, I just spent 8 or 10 paragraphs saying the same thing in another thread.