hello everyone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 65
hello everyone
I'm not new to recovery, but as of now i haven't been successful, and I really want to change that. I'm truly sick of what I've let alcohol do to my life, and i need to put a stop to this for good. Without going into too much detail, I allowed alcohol into my life because i was desperate to feel good about something. In return, alcohol brought with it lies, I have had extended periods of abstinence, which helped alleviate the chaos i bring into my life, but ultimately with only abstinence , i have achieved very little. I just cant seem to maintain the focus required to make the change permanent. I get complacent , or lonely and all of a sudden the thought creeps back into my head that i can get away with drinking. When i do drink, its utter oblivion. raving blackouts. If i don't put this behind me permanently I'm afraid I'm gonna lose everything that i have left . which is alot. i have a beautiful 6 month old son who needs his daddy healthy. i don't want him growing up with a train wreck of a father. i want to be steady, and caring. I want to recommit to sobriety. I want to do whatever it takes. please god help me
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Should be no greater motivation for you than your newborn son. What kind of a dad do you him to see in you?
I have two sons. By most standards, I'm a good dad. But they learned that alcohol was always around. All the adults drank. It made us goofy and funny sometimes. Sometimes it would make us mean and angry. Sometimes it caused us to sleep all day. It caused us to break promises and cancel plans we had, or miss a soccer game, or forget to pick them up somewhere.
I had to deal with my oldest at 15 years old having an addiction. It was difficult to get through to him because everything I would say was hypocritical.
I was a very good dad. I'm a great dad sober.
I have two sons. By most standards, I'm a good dad. But they learned that alcohol was always around. All the adults drank. It made us goofy and funny sometimes. Sometimes it would make us mean and angry. Sometimes it caused us to sleep all day. It caused us to break promises and cancel plans we had, or miss a soccer game, or forget to pick them up somewhere.
I had to deal with my oldest at 15 years old having an addiction. It was difficult to get through to him because everything I would say was hypocritical.
I was a very good dad. I'm a great dad sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome. I seem to remember you from previously, if I'm correct.
I struggled with alcoholism for thirty year. I started drinking at a very young age.
Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive and relapsing disease. Without help, when you get so far gone as I did, we are all but powerless to stop.
I did lose everything in my life. Thank God I wasn't married or have kids.
I did ruin long term relationships because of my drinking. Lost those, too.
You have a lot to live for and I hate to see anyone go through the nightmare of late stage alcoholism as I did.
You are here. You asked God for help. If you're serious about it, have you tried praying? I know religion is a touchy subject, but one horribly hungover morning, I wrote it down. 'God please help me.'
My next move was to call AA. I was sent an angel of a man who understood my drinking.
He had been there, too, and was successfully sober. I wanted what he had and was willing to go to any length to get it.
I started going to AA meetings. There I met rooms full of people who also understood my problem. The group dynamic was very powerful. I wanted what they had, too. Sobriety. And they were willing to help me.
It took many relapses and trying to control my drinking, but the more I went to those meetings, the more sense they made. A simple plan of twelve steps.
I was finally ready. Alcohol had beaten me down and won. I was powerless over the first drink and knew if I didn't take the first drink, there wouldn't be a twentieth.
I came here and found more people with the same goal. To stop drinking.
It's been ten years now since this low bottom drunk has had a drink. And the last ten years I was an almost every day drinker. Seemingly hopeless.
You're here. You've asked God for help.
You're on your way. I have faith in you if you are sincere and I think you are.
Are you ready to go to any length to stop drinking? It takes work. And, I found, help. Despite my best intensions I could not stop on my own.
There's no need for you to try and stop on your own. There is help. Whatever path of recovery you choose. There is help. You do not have to do this alone.
I understand. I've been there.
Welcome my friend. You've taken the first step. You don't have to drink again, nor do you have to try and quit on your own.
Best to you. and please stick around here.
I struggled with alcoholism for thirty year. I started drinking at a very young age.
Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive and relapsing disease. Without help, when you get so far gone as I did, we are all but powerless to stop.
I did lose everything in my life. Thank God I wasn't married or have kids.
I did ruin long term relationships because of my drinking. Lost those, too.
You have a lot to live for and I hate to see anyone go through the nightmare of late stage alcoholism as I did.
You are here. You asked God for help. If you're serious about it, have you tried praying? I know religion is a touchy subject, but one horribly hungover morning, I wrote it down. 'God please help me.'
My next move was to call AA. I was sent an angel of a man who understood my drinking.
He had been there, too, and was successfully sober. I wanted what he had and was willing to go to any length to get it.
I started going to AA meetings. There I met rooms full of people who also understood my problem. The group dynamic was very powerful. I wanted what they had, too. Sobriety. And they were willing to help me.
It took many relapses and trying to control my drinking, but the more I went to those meetings, the more sense they made. A simple plan of twelve steps.
I was finally ready. Alcohol had beaten me down and won. I was powerless over the first drink and knew if I didn't take the first drink, there wouldn't be a twentieth.
I came here and found more people with the same goal. To stop drinking.
It's been ten years now since this low bottom drunk has had a drink. And the last ten years I was an almost every day drinker. Seemingly hopeless.
You're here. You've asked God for help.
You're on your way. I have faith in you if you are sincere and I think you are.
Are you ready to go to any length to stop drinking? It takes work. And, I found, help. Despite my best intensions I could not stop on my own.
There's no need for you to try and stop on your own. There is help. Whatever path of recovery you choose. There is help. You do not have to do this alone.
I understand. I've been there.
Welcome my friend. You've taken the first step. You don't have to drink again, nor do you have to try and quit on your own.
Best to you. and please stick around here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 65
thanks for the thoughtful responses. i think i need some help. Going it alone hasnt worked and unfortuntly my social anxiety has made it difficult to feel connected with others, even those who understand what its like. but i need to start finding support and acountability
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome ForMyBoy - I'm so glad you decided to post.
When I came here I felt all alone. There was no one in my life who understood alcoholism, or what I was going through. Being here helped me to open up and find the courage it took to quit. We know you can do it - we're with you.
When I came here I felt all alone. There was no one in my life who understood alcoholism, or what I was going through. Being here helped me to open up and find the courage it took to quit. We know you can do it - we're with you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I understand your anxiety. I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and going to an AA meeting was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
To be truthful, I was anxious and scared.
The first five times I tried to go, I circled the building watching the people go in.
But I needed help and had to overcome my anxiety without booze.
I finally went in. I didn't speak for, probably, the first ten meetings.
See, I wanted help more than I wanted to drink.
I understand anxiety. I'm on medication for it. Booze was my medicine before that. And it worked, but oh, what a price I paid.
You can do it. I did. All by myself after talking with the man AA sent me.
I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink. This was before I got on the medication. Willpower. It's a powerful thing when used in the proper way.
It didn't keep me from drinking, but overcoming my anxiety and fear got me into the rooms of AA.
Don't look at what you can't do. Look at what you can do. And you can do it sober.
You have nothing to fear but fear itself. Do not let fear rule your life
To be truthful, I was anxious and scared.
The first five times I tried to go, I circled the building watching the people go in.
But I needed help and had to overcome my anxiety without booze.
I finally went in. I didn't speak for, probably, the first ten meetings.
See, I wanted help more than I wanted to drink.
I understand anxiety. I'm on medication for it. Booze was my medicine before that. And it worked, but oh, what a price I paid.
You can do it. I did. All by myself after talking with the man AA sent me.
I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink. This was before I got on the medication. Willpower. It's a powerful thing when used in the proper way.
It didn't keep me from drinking, but overcoming my anxiety and fear got me into the rooms of AA.
Don't look at what you can't do. Look at what you can do. And you can do it sober.
You have nothing to fear but fear itself. Do not let fear rule your life
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome 
don't worry the situations not hopeless - there is life after addiction and it's a good one
It will take some effort and a willingness to change but theres absolutely no reason why you can't leave addiction behind ForMyBoy
don't worry the situations not hopeless - there is life after addiction and it's a good one
It will take some effort and a willingness to change but theres absolutely no reason why you can't leave addiction behind ForMyBoy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Welcome man, this place truly can get you sober, it worked for me, though there was plenty of work on my end as well. My kids are the leverage i used to get straight, grateful every day that I'm able to be the father for them that I can now that I'm sober. Lots of different ways to do it, AA not my bag, though many success stories here in that regard. Either way, one question I was often asked and used to resent, but now see that it's essential to early sobriety is, what's your plan?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 65
Thanks everyone. My plan for now is to get stabilized in terms of sleep and eating. Ive felt like ive been in a panic episode that just wont end. Once that calms down a bit im going to commit to posting here everyday, seeking out some therapy, and trying to connect with a few sober people in my community i can reach out to. Maybe i should start journaling again or somthing as well. Where the danger lies for me is not in the days and weeks after i drink, but in the months to come. How is it that i can protect myself from self deception, that i can drink and it wont be a disaster. i cant drink and it will be a disaster every time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 65
Something else i was thinking about and i feel like i should say out loud. In the past, when i have sought help, I always got the feeling after a time that i was an imposter. It made it really hard for me to engage. But im not an imposter. Im a person who has a tenuous grip on his own life, who needs the support of others, and has a genuine desire to change.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Man I can deeply relate to the imposter syndrome feelings. Like so much, almost all, of the mental/spiritual/emotional suffering I endured for my life, sobriety has cured me. I think, as someone who is still d drinking but who truly wants to quit, you're living a life actually divided in half against yourself. Once you are able to quit drinking that divide resolves, you can start doing the work to become whole, and those feelings of being an imposter in your old life will fade.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 65
Thanks, LessG . Its hard enough to navigate thoughts and feelings without having a part of your psyche that seems to be actively engaged in sabotage. What I've Learned is that even after long periods of abstinence, I need to be totally vigilant
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by ForMyBoy86 
Thanks, LessG . Its hard enough to navigate thoughts and feelings without having a part of your psyche that seems to be actively engaged in sabotage. What I've Learned is that even after long periods of abstinence, I need to be totally vigilant
But man is freedom worth it.
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