Empty words
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 200
Empty words
He said a few things I thought I had wanted to hear him say last night.
But each and every word evaporated into an alcoholic vapour as it left his mouth. No longer do those words reach my heart.
He said that he’d defend me to anyone that criticised me to him, as I am the mother of his children regardless of the fact we are separating.
(Thankyou ... but hang on? Who is gonna criticse me?)
He said i was still his best friend and always will be. We can still go out for the occasional pizza and share good times.
(Such a great idea. And very noble of him to suggest this. We do this so rarely though it’s probably twice a year and always involves lots of alcohol for him)
He said I was still his world and so were the children. We always will be the sole focus of his life.
(After alcohol)
I cried. He saw the tears and took them as a sign he was saying the right things.
I got the drunken smile with his closed eyes and a deep inhalation of breath that indicates his deep love for the feeling of alcohol intoxicating his being. I used to take this as a sign he was getting emotional but as his eyes opened, the bleary bloodshot and glazed swaying of his pupils tell the real story.
My tears were a sign that I realised he needs so much booze inside him to be able to say anything remotely emotional. And that is really sad.
And the tears were for the realisation that by morning he will have forgotten every word.
But each and every word evaporated into an alcoholic vapour as it left his mouth. No longer do those words reach my heart.
He said that he’d defend me to anyone that criticised me to him, as I am the mother of his children regardless of the fact we are separating.
(Thankyou ... but hang on? Who is gonna criticse me?)
He said i was still his best friend and always will be. We can still go out for the occasional pizza and share good times.
(Such a great idea. And very noble of him to suggest this. We do this so rarely though it’s probably twice a year and always involves lots of alcohol for him)
He said I was still his world and so were the children. We always will be the sole focus of his life.
(After alcohol)
I cried. He saw the tears and took them as a sign he was saying the right things.
I got the drunken smile with his closed eyes and a deep inhalation of breath that indicates his deep love for the feeling of alcohol intoxicating his being. I used to take this as a sign he was getting emotional but as his eyes opened, the bleary bloodshot and glazed swaying of his pupils tell the real story.
My tears were a sign that I realised he needs so much booze inside him to be able to say anything remotely emotional. And that is really sad.
And the tears were for the realisation that by morning he will have forgotten every word.
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Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 66
I certainly can identify with this! Empty promises are my toughest. I want to believe and I want to save our 15 years together. But actions speak louder than words and reveal the alcoholics true plans. You are not alone!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 229
Originally Posted by RainingButtons 
He said a few things I thought I had wanted to hear him say last night.
But each and every word evaporated into an alcoholic vapour as it left his mouth. No longer do those words reach my heart.
He said that he’d defend me to anyone that criticised me to him, as I am the mother of his children regardless of the fact we are separating.
(Thankyou ... but hang on? Who is gonna criticse me?)
He said i was still his best friend and always will be. We can still go out for the occasional pizza and share good times.
(Such a great idea. And very noble of him to suggest this. We do this so rarely though it’s probably twice a year and always involves lots of alcohol for him)
He said I was still his world and so were the children. We always will be the sole focus of his life.
(After alcohol)
I cried. He saw the tears and took them as a sign he was saying the right things.
I got the drunken smile with his closed eyes and a deep inhalation of breath that indicates his deep love for the feeling of alcohol intoxicating his being. I used to take this as a sign he was getting emotional but as his eyes opened, the bleary bloodshot and glazed swaying of his pupils tell the real story.
My tears were a sign that I realised he needs so much booze inside him to be able to say anything remotely emotional. And that is really sad.
And the tears were for the realisation that by morning he will have forgotten every word.
But each and every word evaporated into an alcoholic vapour as it left his mouth. No longer do those words reach my heart.
He said that he’d defend me to anyone that criticised me to him, as I am the mother of his children regardless of the fact we are separating.
(Thankyou ... but hang on? Who is gonna criticse me?)
He said i was still his best friend and always will be. We can still go out for the occasional pizza and share good times.
(Such a great idea. And very noble of him to suggest this. We do this so rarely though it’s probably twice a year and always involves lots of alcohol for him)
He said I was still his world and so were the children. We always will be the sole focus of his life.
(After alcohol)
I cried. He saw the tears and took them as a sign he was saying the right things.
I got the drunken smile with his closed eyes and a deep inhalation of breath that indicates his deep love for the feeling of alcohol intoxicating his being. I used to take this as a sign he was getting emotional but as his eyes opened, the bleary bloodshot and glazed swaying of his pupils tell the real story.
My tears were a sign that I realised he needs so much booze inside him to be able to say anything remotely emotional. And that is really sad.
And the tears were for the realisation that by morning he will have forgotten every word.
You can now go to the next stage of acceptance and move on if you are separating to a life where you will heal and wake up knowing you are free to move on to bigger and better things. Hugs
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
RB.....I know you are in pain, and I am sorry for that....but, I have to say that I am, similar to Givenup2018, so happy to hear that you can now see through him.....and, that you know that he remembers nothing about it, by the next morning.
Once you really know this---you can never unknow it! This knowledge, learned through lots of pain, will actually make you stronger and more determined to do what you know that you have to do....
I think this point--that they actually forget most of what they say or do, while intoxicated......is such an important point. We, who remember all of it, because we are sober, are left reeling with the hurt and pain....while they are enjoying the amnesia of intoxication...…
Because they don't remember it....it is like it didn't happen, for them.....
Once you really know this---you can never unknow it! This knowledge, learned through lots of pain, will actually make you stronger and more determined to do what you know that you have to do....
I think this point--that they actually forget most of what they say or do, while intoxicated......is such an important point. We, who remember all of it, because we are sober, are left reeling with the hurt and pain....while they are enjoying the amnesia of intoxication...…
Because they don't remember it....it is like it didn't happen, for them.....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
RainingButtons, I just want to give you a big hug. I empathize so much with what you sad. I lived it, and it was heartbreaking. I heard those same words, in the end he didn't live up to them, not surprisingly I guess. He was broken, I was broken, we both had broken hearts... but he kept drinking anyways. Such a brutal and relentless disease.
I'm sorry you are going through this, but like the others here said, I am glad to see the growth and resolve you have. Things will get better for you as you keep moving forward one step, one breath, at a time.
*hugs*
I'm sorry you are going through this, but like the others here said, I am glad to see the growth and resolve you have. Things will get better for you as you keep moving forward one step, one breath, at a time.
*hugs*
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
The brutal honesty in this post brought me to tears, but I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.
This is the stuff that made me realize we actually WERE speaking 2 different languages even if it sounded the same to the naked ear. We might've been using the same words but we had substantially different definitions.
This is the stuff that made me realize we actually WERE speaking 2 different languages even if it sounded the same to the naked ear. We might've been using the same words but we had substantially different definitions.
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