Hootowlhoot

Sorry if this is TMI but I have no one to talk to

Hi friends, I haven’t posted in a long time but been sober . I’m at the evening of day 81 and I want to start sneaking my husbands alcohol cabinet...he is currently giving me the silent treatment after lashing out again st me via text due to our “no sex”
Marriage as he calls it.
I tried to talk to him but he is just being nasty and is saying he doesn’t want me and how do I like it now ..

We are in the process of purchasing our first home and it’s been down stressful. He hates his job. I am not paid very well at mine and this is a strain bc he is putting all the money he has saved into this house. I have been working extra babysitting jobs every weekend to have cash for groceries and things like that. I am so tired. So been working like .50 hours a week plus taking care of all our house duties and our daughter. I just want to scream! Nothing I do is good enough.

I feel so disgusting and worthless and just hate myself right now. I know drinking wouldn’t help and I have come so far but I am about to just say screw it all.

I am just feeling so low today and have no motivation to do anything.

Hootowlhoot

I am taking some online classes too and my plate is just so full so sex is always the last thing on my mind and has been for a long time. When I would get drunk sometimes I woukd initiate but then he’d get mad later bc d say I only did it bc I was drunk

HTown

Do you not enjoy sex with your husband? If not, then you should not be getting a house together and you should let him go. Sex is intregal to a marraige. I was in a sexless marriage, my wife lost respect for me due to my drinking and she saw me just as an ATM. She is now my ex wife but it was so painful to not be loved.

Fearlessat50

Hi Hoot, I. So glad you posted here. I always find it helpful if I am having a tough time and having urges to drink.

Please remind yourself that drinking will just make everything worse. This too shall pass. You will get through this. Is there anything you can do to rebalance what’s on your plate and care for yourself and your marriage? Maybe you are taking on too much, and some things could wait? Is there any time you can make with your husband for sex? Maybe set a date? It is an important part of marriage, and requires understanding and compromise just like anything else (finances, parenting, etc). If the issue is not addressed, resentment is going to set in on both sides. Are there other underlying issues in your marriage? Perhaps a therapist could help?

Stay strong and keep posting for support!

D122y

Hoot,

I need intamacy from my wife at least 2 times a month or so.

If she denies me this our marriage suffers and decays.

I am confident if you deny your hubby the attention he is needing, things will not work out.

But, if you don't want to be with him intimately, then you should not.

My wife can't hold her booty for ransom. It doesn't work.

The other part off this post is about craving.

I suffered like I can't explain to get this clean. I still suffer st times these days as well.

Thanks.

Dee74

I'm sorry things are so difficult right now hootowlhoot - I know for many of us when we feel there's nothing else we cam do about a situation, we want to drink but that will just make things worse.

maybe some marriage counselling could help? I know your husband been resistant to that in the past - but to be honest I'm not sure I'd be pushing ahead with a house purchase right now with someone you've written about several times now who's shown little regard for your feelings and blames you for a lot of things where it takes two to tango.

Is there some other way you can you find a way to talk to your husband about the pressure you're under without appearing to apportion blame?

If you stay sober there's always a chance for change ...I don't think there's much of a chance if you drink again

almost any other option will beat running away into a bottle.

D

yinzer

What Dee said. I hope you don’t pick up.

ReadyAtLast

I'm sorry things are difficult for you. I would definitely hold off buying a house with someone with whom my relationship was troubling and difficult.

When I got sober first time round I left my husband as our differences were so obvious in the sober light of day and I re-evaluated what I wanted from a relationship.

With regards to intimacy it's important that both parties are happy with what is happening. Whether he is unhappy with lack of frequency or if you are unhappy with him leading to lack of intimacy is something only you know. Is marriage counselling an option? you don't have to settle for an unhealthy unloving relationship which is no good for either of you.

I hope you are able to make decisions about what is best for you.

Anna

I'm sorry you're struggling and working so hard right now. I, too, would suggest you not buy the house, at least not now.

The most important thing you can do is to stay sober. And, I would suggest talking to your husband at a time when you can both remain calm. If your husband won't be involved in counselling, then maybe you can talk things through yourselves.