notmyself

Good afternoon -
First time poster. My husband has an undiagnosed (and denied) drinking problem. I found him unconscious in our bedroom and called 911. He was takento the hospital and diagnosed with poly-med-alcohol reaction (or something), basically mixing meds and alcohol.

I told him that coming home without a treatment plan was an option that is off the table. So, I asked him to stay in a hotel after he got released 4 days later (yesterday) until this Sunday night. I told him that I would have zero tolerance for any alcohol in our home (even tho I don't have a problem myself).

He was pretty upset when I picked him up and a week's worth of belongings were packed in the car. I don't know where he went, but he did text his daughter that he found a place and got some groceries.

I am assuming that I did the right thing, but I don't know what to expect. Anyone here have experience with a spouse or is this just for people in recovery themselves?

Awake61

In my opinion, being the alcoholic in the house, you have done the Right thing. I wish my husband had done this along time ago. Maybe it wouldn't have worked, but I needed a line in the sand. My sisters stayed out of it. When my older daughter wouldn't allow me to see or even call my grandchildren or her, I stopped. I stay stopped for me now.

least

Welcome! You have every right to establish boundaries with him. I hope he can get sober for good.

notmyself

Thank you for the responses. His words keep echoing in my head about me not having any compassion for him as he was released. BTW - Being taken away in an ambulance was not the first time. It also happened less than 4 months ago and he told me that he was done with the vodka. I guess not.

I guess I'm just worried that I'm not being compassionate and am just angry at him. I'm of the belief that drinking is voluntary and not that he has a disease. I told him yesterday that I would hear his plan Sunday night. I'll just see if he contacts me. ...... very uncertain right now .... dang it.

notmyself

P.S. I am wiped out emotionally, but luckily have a lot of support.

yinzer

You might want to visit the friends and family forum on this website and look into Al-anon. Good luck to you!

Dee74

Hi notmyself

I think there's compassion, and then there's enabling someone else addiction.
You did well IMO.

I think you've made a healthy choice for yourself - and it may end up being a healthy choice for your husband too.

He'll either use this time to stay sober, or if he drinks again he'll have to sort out his own mess.

as an alcoholic myself, that self responsibility with no one to mop up can lead to a re-examination of how we live our lives.

I wish you (and your husband) the best

D

Anna

I hope that this will be the right decision for you and for your husband. It will be a good time for you to focus on yourself. AlAnon in your city could be a good support for you. And, it will give your husband a chance to come up with a plan for himself.

tomsteve

take a look at the true definitions of compassion and compassionate:
compassion-sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.
compassionate-feeling or showing sympathy and concern for others

the problem isnt with compassion- the problem is it isnt the compassion HE wants to receive and the way HE wants it. it reads like he's trying to manipulate and control- holding you hostage rather than having a relationship with you.


whether the drinking is a choice or a disease isnt the problem here. the problem is the choice to do something about it. it would be wise to allow him to make that choice on his own.
in the meantime, i strongly encourage you to visit the friends and family of alcoholics forum here and do some reading of the stickies. might want to post over there as many of the members there dont come into the newcomers forum.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

PhoenixJ

although we love, sometimes the guilts when establishing boundaries happen.


YOU need to be safe and without such traumas. Without boundaries- love can be turned into enabling the person afflicted with addiction to keep abusing themselves and others.

I was that addicted person, and although saddened by my family cutting me off in my most desperate and fatal hour- I understand why. I was just too toxic.

prayers for you and your husband.

notmyself

Hi, everyone - Update on our situation:

I picked my husband up from the hospital on that Tuesday with his suitcase tpacked and I told him I would talk to him Sunday night (in a few days). He was really, really mad.

That Sunday night (8 days after the ambulance) we met at a restaurant. He told me that he was an alcoholic and that he was going to take the medicine that makes you super sick if you drink alcohol. He also said that he was going to go to group and individual counseling, but didn't have it scheduled, yet.

Well, three months later, he is still taking the medicine, never started group counseling, and is going to weekly counseling semi-regularly. We had a rough patch until about 3 weeks ago, because he was mad about how I picked him up from the hospital and some monetary issues.

I was seriously considering leaving and hated being home and around him.

We talked a few weeks ago and have kept talking and are now enjoying our marriage almost the best we ever have. He looks (and smells) much better, is sleeping well and starting to get fit physically. He is committed to not drinking at all for the rest of his life.

I am still a bit wary, but am committed to the marriage. There are some serious issues we need to address outside of the alcohol, but I'm hopeful we can do so.

Anyway, I just thought that I would update this thread.

Anna

I am so glad to hear that things are going well and that you and your husband are working on your marriage. I hope you continue to take care of yourself as your husband continues his recovery.

least

I'm also glad to hear that things are going well. I hope he has a solid recovery plan and works on it like his life depends on it.