Anti-Social Bad Moods In Social Events
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 87
Anti-Social Bad Moods In Social Events
Hey all,
I'm at almost 7 months without a drink, and generally things have been great. In terms of productivity, health and overall not having to worry about doing stupid things.
One issue I have is this.
At parties, and social gatherings and events that previously would have been really fun and enjoyable for me (until I blacked out, at the end of the night and had to deal with the morning after), I feel like I get in bad moods/anti-social and almost don't want to be at any of them.
I tend to see everyone else drinking, and having fun and I feel like I'm almost missing out (even though, I know I'm not), and feel like I can't do the same.
Overall I feel really stifled, its hard to describe. Like tense, and in a bad mood even though I don't want to be.
I don't want to drink, but I do want to be able to enjoy these the way I did in the past without feeling awkward/like missing out. And most of all, the bad mood that comes with it all.
Any thoughts on this?
Thanks!
I'm at almost 7 months without a drink, and generally things have been great. In terms of productivity, health and overall not having to worry about doing stupid things.
One issue I have is this.
At parties, and social gatherings and events that previously would have been really fun and enjoyable for me (until I blacked out, at the end of the night and had to deal with the morning after), I feel like I get in bad moods/anti-social and almost don't want to be at any of them.
I tend to see everyone else drinking, and having fun and I feel like I'm almost missing out (even though, I know I'm not), and feel like I can't do the same.
Overall I feel really stifled, its hard to describe. Like tense, and in a bad mood even though I don't want to be.
I don't want to drink, but I do want to be able to enjoy these the way I did in the past without feeling awkward/like missing out. And most of all, the bad mood that comes with it all.
Any thoughts on this?
Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
I too have this happen to me. Then sometimes I don't. Either way its important to me not to miss social events in my life that have meaning. I don't sweat leaving early and totally missing other events that have less meaning. Hopefully changes with time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
I suffered from avoidant personality disorder in my childhood years, there is zero doubt in my mind that it contributed to my eventual addiction. Once I started drinking I got positive reinforcement in the form of being the life of the party, making friends, one night stands, and things like that.
The APD has diminished greatly over the years, especially after I got sober. What I've come to realize is that I enjoy social settings and interaction on a limited basis but it is something I will never truly be 100% comfortable with. I can do the rounds and make small talk but I don't like to overextend myself. These days I prefer my own company more often than not.
I guess it would depend on if you enjoyed doing these types of events before you started drinking.
The APD has diminished greatly over the years, especially after I got sober. What I've come to realize is that I enjoy social settings and interaction on a limited basis but it is something I will never truly be 100% comfortable with. I can do the rounds and make small talk but I don't like to overextend myself. These days I prefer my own company more often than not.
I guess it would depend on if you enjoyed doing these types of events before you started drinking.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
All I have to say is I feel you, completely. I went out with a friend not long ago and felt like it was nothing but a big mistake because I ended up pretty grouchy, spending the entire time holding back from making pissy irritable comments.
I got better things to do than that, haha.
Only advice I have for myself so far is to avoid that and/or find friends who don't drink.
I got better things to do than that, haha.
Only advice I have for myself so far is to avoid that and/or find friends who don't drink.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Great,
I was addicted to booze at an early age. I was defenseless. I had no idea about the mental damage until I found SR.
From the time I was a preteen, I was pretty much always the drunkest person at the party.
I would usually predrink, if I had a driver and way home.
I was generally aware to not over do it if I was driving, but I was probably lucky many times that I didn't get pulled over.
If there was hard stuff, I would drink to oblivion. I definitely was less inhibited drunk. I met a ton of girls because of my drunken confidence. But, in hindsight, I could have learned to be confident without the booze. The fact was that I was heavily addicted.
I would wait to eat at the party because it would ruin the buzz.
Since quitting, I have never missed a party. I now truly look forward to seeing folks letting their hair down and relaxing away from work.
I am very keen on who is drinking too much and can usually see a change in someone as soon as they have a couple of drinks. I also see all the folks that are drinking very little. They have a small glass,of wine and are done for the night. They respect and fear booze. They don't like being under the influence.
I dont miss drinking.
I look at drinking from a scientific view. The booze is a depressant. I get euphoric for a short time, then I get tired. If I keep drinking, I stay euphoric, but I will get more and more lethargic...think slurring of the words, stumbling. Eventually, I could black out.
Bottom line, drinking the way I did it was not normal or a good look. Not a role model existance for myself.
Obviously, the next day, my poor mind and body are in repair mode. The booze saps my immune system, messes up my sleep pattern, raises my BP, and makes me physically weak.
In hindsight, the only reason I drank was because of addiction. I needed the education SR gave me.
I totally look forward to going out. My energy levels are through the roof. I am very aware the whole night and drive home late with confidence. I wake up the next morning feeling as good as a person can. I wake up with 0 regrets.
It took a while before i felt this way about going out and not drinking. My role model was my wife. She rarely drinks and has the most fun at parties. Seeing this i knew i could do it.
I have several sober role models. I prefer non AA types of role models generally for now. Non AA tyeps, like SR only folks, stay clean and happy because they simply hate booze. We come here and get our therapy.
I know AA is there for me waiting with open arms. Thank God for that.
I made it this far drug free. My biggest problem now is over eating and staying away from the cookies and cakes. But, that is nothing compared to the drinking I used to do.
Hope this helps you in some way.
Thanks for the therapy.
I was addicted to booze at an early age. I was defenseless. I had no idea about the mental damage until I found SR.
From the time I was a preteen, I was pretty much always the drunkest person at the party.
I would usually predrink, if I had a driver and way home.
I was generally aware to not over do it if I was driving, but I was probably lucky many times that I didn't get pulled over.
If there was hard stuff, I would drink to oblivion. I definitely was less inhibited drunk. I met a ton of girls because of my drunken confidence. But, in hindsight, I could have learned to be confident without the booze. The fact was that I was heavily addicted.
I would wait to eat at the party because it would ruin the buzz.
Since quitting, I have never missed a party. I now truly look forward to seeing folks letting their hair down and relaxing away from work.
I am very keen on who is drinking too much and can usually see a change in someone as soon as they have a couple of drinks. I also see all the folks that are drinking very little. They have a small glass,of wine and are done for the night. They respect and fear booze. They don't like being under the influence.
I dont miss drinking.
I look at drinking from a scientific view. The booze is a depressant. I get euphoric for a short time, then I get tired. If I keep drinking, I stay euphoric, but I will get more and more lethargic...think slurring of the words, stumbling. Eventually, I could black out.
Bottom line, drinking the way I did it was not normal or a good look. Not a role model existance for myself.
Obviously, the next day, my poor mind and body are in repair mode. The booze saps my immune system, messes up my sleep pattern, raises my BP, and makes me physically weak.
In hindsight, the only reason I drank was because of addiction. I needed the education SR gave me.
I totally look forward to going out. My energy levels are through the roof. I am very aware the whole night and drive home late with confidence. I wake up the next morning feeling as good as a person can. I wake up with 0 regrets.
It took a while before i felt this way about going out and not drinking. My role model was my wife. She rarely drinks and has the most fun at parties. Seeing this i knew i could do it.
I have several sober role models. I prefer non AA types of role models generally for now. Non AA tyeps, like SR only folks, stay clean and happy because they simply hate booze. We come here and get our therapy.
I know AA is there for me waiting with open arms. Thank God for that.
I made it this far drug free. My biggest problem now is over eating and staying away from the cookies and cakes. But, that is nothing compared to the drinking I used to do.
Hope this helps you in some way.
Thanks for the therapy.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I had a lot of rage early on - it was rage at myself for being an alcoholic , rage at letting the problem consume me, and rage at other drinkers for not having the problem.
The more I stayed sober tho, and the more I built a sober life I loved, the less I cared what other people did - I simply knew not drinking was the way to go for me, and still is.
there are still some (mostly muso) friends I won't go out with because the endless drive to do nothing but get wasted bores and annoys me, but normal drinking folks are fine.
I hate addiction but I don't hate booze. I was the problem.
Give it a little time GI7
D
The more I stayed sober tho, and the more I built a sober life I loved, the less I cared what other people did - I simply knew not drinking was the way to go for me, and still is.
there are still some (mostly muso) friends I won't go out with because the endless drive to do nothing but get wasted bores and annoys me, but normal drinking folks are fine.
I hate addiction but I don't hate booze. I was the problem.
Give it a little time GI7
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Once out of the booze, I discovered I am an introvert and don't like a lot of the socialising or type of events I went to.
I realised I like one to one with a good friend. Large groups bore me and exhaust me. I love to have a quiet coffee or meal or walk with someone who I can have a proper conversation with.
Self discovery is an amazing journey.
I realised I like one to one with a good friend. Large groups bore me and exhaust me. I love to have a quiet coffee or meal or walk with someone who I can have a proper conversation with.
Self discovery is an amazing journey.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Great,
I am getting better at typing with my thumbs, but my editing of corrections and additions takes longer than the website allows. It cut me off while adding this part.
It took over a year before things settled down in my brain. That is the brain damage booze did to me.
As I saw myself healing, I am still healing, it was easier and easier to turn a cold cold shoulder to drinking.
The suffering was like nothing I ever experienced and I never want that again.
Our brains have a way of forgetting pain and suffering. The only way I know to stay clean, for now, is to come to SR, read, post, and remember.
Folks regret relapse after decades of sobriety. I must stay active in this type of therapy or risk falling back into my active addiction.
I am an addict for life.
Thanks.
I am getting better at typing with my thumbs, but my editing of corrections and additions takes longer than the website allows. It cut me off while adding this part.
It took over a year before things settled down in my brain. That is the brain damage booze did to me.
As I saw myself healing, I am still healing, it was easier and easier to turn a cold cold shoulder to drinking.
The suffering was like nothing I ever experienced and I never want that again.
Our brains have a way of forgetting pain and suffering. The only way I know to stay clean, for now, is to come to SR, read, post, and remember.
Folks regret relapse after decades of sobriety. I must stay active in this type of therapy or risk falling back into my active addiction.
I am an addict for life.
Thanks.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I get you, too!
I have learned so much in sobriety...a friend of mine once told me about the "ambivert" personality (I don't know that it is a real term but hear me out) - basically, someone who is able to be the life of the party, talk to a wall, easily mingle (me)....which takes a lot of energy out of them and there is usually a recovery period to get back to that (expected, in my case, as it would have baffled people to consider I had an introverted side in the true sense of the word)....and a confusing state until I got sober and learned what I do enjoying doing, the frequency of it, etc.
It took me quite a bit of time to actually decide to go to social situations- I was VERY conservative by most folks standards. First party- 14 mo- wedding at 17 mo...I began rebuilding my life outside of recovery circles, if you will, with one on one stuff and never regretted saying no.
Agitation and pissy-ness definitely reared their heads in general and certainly at the IDEA of social stuff (anxiety is a central prob for me) .... and at that wedding wkd I truly experienced surprising to me anger at being in a cute mtn town dominated by wine drinking activities.
I would give yourself time- never question yourself if you feel the urge to turn down an invitation, if you go, leave as soon as you feel aggravated (or, like I often do now, make that one spin around the room, thank the hosts/important to the event folks, and I'm out).
Taking care of your sober self at 7 mo...at a year...at my 3 yrs...forever...is the most important part.
I have learned so much in sobriety...a friend of mine once told me about the "ambivert" personality (I don't know that it is a real term but hear me out) - basically, someone who is able to be the life of the party, talk to a wall, easily mingle (me)....which takes a lot of energy out of them and there is usually a recovery period to get back to that (expected, in my case, as it would have baffled people to consider I had an introverted side in the true sense of the word)....and a confusing state until I got sober and learned what I do enjoying doing, the frequency of it, etc.
It took me quite a bit of time to actually decide to go to social situations- I was VERY conservative by most folks standards. First party- 14 mo- wedding at 17 mo...I began rebuilding my life outside of recovery circles, if you will, with one on one stuff and never regretted saying no.
Agitation and pissy-ness definitely reared their heads in general and certainly at the IDEA of social stuff (anxiety is a central prob for me) .... and at that wedding wkd I truly experienced surprising to me anger at being in a cute mtn town dominated by wine drinking activities.
I would give yourself time- never question yourself if you feel the urge to turn down an invitation, if you go, leave as soon as you feel aggravated (or, like I often do now, make that one spin around the room, thank the hosts/important to the event folks, and I'm out).
Taking care of your sober self at 7 mo...at a year...at my 3 yrs...forever...is the most important part.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
I know what you mean GI7. If I'm honest, parties are nowhere near as much fun as when I could drink but I still enjoy eating out, and social events not built around drinking.
You may have to adapt your party persona, maybe not stay too long, and make up for it with other social activities. It won't fall into your lap though - may take some planning and work.
You may have to adapt your party persona, maybe not stay too long, and make up for it with other social activities. It won't fall into your lap though - may take some planning and work.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
