Cuckoo

Every night leads to every morning. How do I stop this ?
I read SR for hours every day. Cannot post because I only have my phone and typing on it is problematic for me to say the least.
I want out of this mess that is me.
I want to feel normal.
I want to throw the hidden drinks down the sink.
I want to be a grown up.
I want to stop the lying and deceit.
I want to be truthful with myself.
I just want whatever it is that I am not, and I dont even know what that is anymore.

Sorry for ranting.
its taken me ages just to type this......hidden wine helped though.....I truly hate myself.
Couldnt feel more self hatred.

thanks guys for reading

Dee74

Hi Cuckoo

I'm sorry you're struggling.

have you considered a face t face approach like AA or SMART or lifering? it might help if posting here is problematic for you.

I'd get rid of the hidden booze too (who are you hiding it from btw?) - I know thats scary but I think it's impossible to break the cycle when you're hedging your bets like that?

D

lessgravity

Been a while Cuckoo, glad to see you back. But are you going to do anything different this time?

Clarity51

Hi, Cuckoo! I just read your post and it touched me so much. I feel terrible about myself too, right now. I know I am not being the person that I can be...the person that I am. I've been suffering all day because of another heavy binge yesterday. Im going to go to a meeting tomorrow because I know need some support to help me stop doing this. I'm sorry that your suffering too. Maybe you can stop drinking with me.