Independence Day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 11
Independence Day
I have been reading this forum for 3 days now and I have to say, it has definitely saved me.
For a little over a year, Ian, my AH, has been going through some horrible medical problems – he was dx’d with pancreatitis in December 2017. He was in terrible pain and in the hospital for a week. They also found some liver damage.
(Background: Ian has been an alcoholic since his early teens. He lived in a house with two alcoholic parents. His dad, a functioning alcoholic, was a tenured professor at one of the most prestigious universities in the country. His dad was rarely home with his family and cheated many times on his wife who was incapacitated most days. Many days Ian would come home from school and find his mother passed out on the floor and would carry her upstairs to bed. On those days he would also have to take care of his younger (10 years younger) sister.)
Fast forward to 2017. After being treated for pancreatitis, Ian tried to stop drinking on his own, and we all know how well that works. He was in and out of the hospital with pancreatic attacks 4 times last year. One unexpected stroke of luck happened from his hospitalizations: doctors discovered that Ian had five aneurysms. How ironic that his pancreatitis would end up saving his life. The decision was made to operate on two of the most life-threatening aneurysms as soon as his pancreas and liver functions were stable.
After months of trying to stop drinking on his own and much cajoling on my and our adult daughter Millie’s part, Ian went to rehab last October. He was there for two weeks, was excited and felt strong, but started drinking two days after getting out.
Ian was able to stop drinking long enough though to bring down his levels and he had surgery on those aneurysms in early December of this past year. The surgery was successful, but unfortunately, it did a real number on him mentally. He was convinced he was going to die and became severely depressed. His PCP put him on sertraline, which he thought helped, but he was still drinking. Let me tell you – the combo of sertraline with alcohol is deadly. Ian was totally zonked out. Millie and I didn’t know what was happening to him. He told us he wasn’t drinking (of course, he WAS), and we were afraid he was having a stroke. He would pass out, fall, sit up and just stare into space. We made him go to the hospital and they found nothing.
Long story short, he was taken off the sertraline, but continued drinking. This month, Millie and I were able to convince him to go back to rehab for another two week stint. He came home last Tuesday, totally psyched to stop drinking. Ian lasted three days this time – drank Saturday and yesterday.
So here we are. My own health went way downhill this past year from stress over Ian. I eat when I’m stressed and I’ve gained a lot of weight. I had success in the past with Weight Watchers but let it lapse. Before last year I was also doing the treadmill 4-5 times a week. All of that stopped this past year.
And now – depressed and at the end of my rope – I discovered Sober Recovery after Ian drank on Saturday. I have spent hours reading many of your stories and Stickies. You, dear people, have helped me more than you could ever know. As a result, I have decided to let go – to let go of the stress, the tears, the hope, the guilt that I felt because I felt helpless because I can’t help Ian quit.
Ian is the most gentle, kind person you could ever meet. It kills me to see him go through this, because he wants so desperately to stop drinking. But I know now that nothing I can do will make him stop. He needs to do this on his own. Today he made the call to enroll in an IOP. He has an appointment with a therapist on Wednesday.
I love Ian so much and will always give him as much support as I can, but now I know that I have to think of my own health first. I went back on Weight Watchers and started back on the treadmill on Saturday. I feel so much better with this weight lifted off my shoulders. Thank you, dear people – because of you I have declared my independence and I AM NO LONGER A HOSTAGE.
For a little over a year, Ian, my AH, has been going through some horrible medical problems – he was dx’d with pancreatitis in December 2017. He was in terrible pain and in the hospital for a week. They also found some liver damage.
(Background: Ian has been an alcoholic since his early teens. He lived in a house with two alcoholic parents. His dad, a functioning alcoholic, was a tenured professor at one of the most prestigious universities in the country. His dad was rarely home with his family and cheated many times on his wife who was incapacitated most days. Many days Ian would come home from school and find his mother passed out on the floor and would carry her upstairs to bed. On those days he would also have to take care of his younger (10 years younger) sister.)
Fast forward to 2017. After being treated for pancreatitis, Ian tried to stop drinking on his own, and we all know how well that works. He was in and out of the hospital with pancreatic attacks 4 times last year. One unexpected stroke of luck happened from his hospitalizations: doctors discovered that Ian had five aneurysms. How ironic that his pancreatitis would end up saving his life. The decision was made to operate on two of the most life-threatening aneurysms as soon as his pancreas and liver functions were stable.
After months of trying to stop drinking on his own and much cajoling on my and our adult daughter Millie’s part, Ian went to rehab last October. He was there for two weeks, was excited and felt strong, but started drinking two days after getting out.
Ian was able to stop drinking long enough though to bring down his levels and he had surgery on those aneurysms in early December of this past year. The surgery was successful, but unfortunately, it did a real number on him mentally. He was convinced he was going to die and became severely depressed. His PCP put him on sertraline, which he thought helped, but he was still drinking. Let me tell you – the combo of sertraline with alcohol is deadly. Ian was totally zonked out. Millie and I didn’t know what was happening to him. He told us he wasn’t drinking (of course, he WAS), and we were afraid he was having a stroke. He would pass out, fall, sit up and just stare into space. We made him go to the hospital and they found nothing.
Long story short, he was taken off the sertraline, but continued drinking. This month, Millie and I were able to convince him to go back to rehab for another two week stint. He came home last Tuesday, totally psyched to stop drinking. Ian lasted three days this time – drank Saturday and yesterday.
So here we are. My own health went way downhill this past year from stress over Ian. I eat when I’m stressed and I’ve gained a lot of weight. I had success in the past with Weight Watchers but let it lapse. Before last year I was also doing the treadmill 4-5 times a week. All of that stopped this past year.
And now – depressed and at the end of my rope – I discovered Sober Recovery after Ian drank on Saturday. I have spent hours reading many of your stories and Stickies. You, dear people, have helped me more than you could ever know. As a result, I have decided to let go – to let go of the stress, the tears, the hope, the guilt that I felt because I felt helpless because I can’t help Ian quit.
Ian is the most gentle, kind person you could ever meet. It kills me to see him go through this, because he wants so desperately to stop drinking. But I know now that nothing I can do will make him stop. He needs to do this on his own. Today he made the call to enroll in an IOP. He has an appointment with a therapist on Wednesday.
I love Ian so much and will always give him as much support as I can, but now I know that I have to think of my own health first. I went back on Weight Watchers and started back on the treadmill on Saturday. I feel so much better with this weight lifted off my shoulders. Thank you, dear people – because of you I have declared my independence and I AM NO LONGER A HOSTAGE.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,618
Hi Rambler and welcome. So glad you found SR.
It sounds like you have surely been through some big trials. You show a lot of strength though and you will get through this.
Getting back on the treadmill and with WW is a huge step in the right direction. Taking care of yourself should be your main focus and I see that you know that and that's just great. It should improve your well-being immensely.
Yes, you didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.
Again welcome, hope you will keep posting.
It sounds like you have surely been through some big trials. You show a lot of strength though and you will get through this.
Getting back on the treadmill and with WW is a huge step in the right direction. Taking care of yourself should be your main focus and I see that you know that and that's just great. It should improve your well-being immensely.
Yes, you didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.
Again welcome, hope you will keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I applaud your efforts at saving your own life, which is what so many of us had to do. Have you tried Alanon? The support is incredible and lifted me out of self-sabotage and low self-esteem. I'm glad you realize that there's nothing you can do or say that will affect an alcoholic's drinking.
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