Glenjo99

Had to mention this as it freaked me out a bit this morning. As a codependent in recovery (for life probably) I've been dating a new guy since January and it's been going well, apart from him being a bit avoidant at times. We talked about this, my anxious nature and his avoidant one, he says he can be a bit robotic at times.

This reminded me of a song I know by Marina and the diamonds called "I am not a robot". Very catchy song and I've listened to it a lot lately. So this past weekend the same issue arose again around his aloofness so we meet today to see where we will go if anywhere. I need to see what I want and need too in this.

The weird thing is, I opened my page for today in "courage to change" and today's reminder, I kid you not states "I am not a robot"! It goes on to say to take care when sick etc, but how freaky is that! There's a message in there from the universe about being robotic that's been sent to me a lot!

So maybe it's that it's ok to feel what I feel, I was sick last week with a stomach flu, and I wasn't at my best and that's ok. I think it contributed to my feeling "off" at the weekend and "reacting" not the way I would have liked to a situation with him. Reacting being a very codependent behaviour. Always amazes me when messages like this come from different sources. I am not a robot and that's ok.

Mango212

Hi Glenjo,

The book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and It's All Small Stuff" came into my life in an unusual way recently. One day last week a clerk at a store said with a smile and a wink, "I've learned to not sweat the small stuff." His sunny attitude and those words were great timing.



#lawofattraction
#thankyougod
#lifeisgood

Glenjo99

Love how this happened mango.

trailmix

Sorry to hear you've been sick, hope you are feeling a lot better today.

No, you are not a robot and yes, your feelings deserve to be heard and respected.

Whether he can actually fulfill those needs is another story, but more will be revealed.

Glenjo99

great pic lol. Well we met and talked and he declared that he isn't in a good place for a relationship, that he is emotionally unavailable. So my hunches all along were correct. I admired his honesty and self awareness. So we decided to be just friends to save hurting each other further down the line. Still feels sad as I liked him but it's healthier this way.

At least I recognised it sooner than with my ex, the emotional unavailability and inability to meet my needs and wants too.

Bekindalways

Sorry it didn't work out but I'm impressed too with both of you for figuring out that this wasn't it. I hope there is someone fabulous for you way down the line!

trailmix

I thought that you had let him know a couple of weeks ago that you didn't want to be in a relationship.

This is not the 3rd degree lol - just that those on again off again things are so destructive.

Glenjo99

I did, we both agreed that we just wanted a casual exclusive dating scenario, although both did say it is still a relationship. It won't be on off now anymore , it's just off. Sad but I have got to meet people where there at and acknowledge where I'm at too.

Glenjo99

Thanks taking a break for while now.

Hawkeye13

Your time sequence and being clear about what you need in a partner is so much better-developed this time.

You took care of yourself--well done!

Glenjo99

Thanks!

Glenjo99

Talking of time sequence, my ex called to my house today out of the blue. Today of all days, is the universe having fun with me?

I had feared he might call randomly, after I didn't reply to his email. He was apologetic, saying he is living in homeless shelter now, his cousin kicked him out after an incident where police were called. He asked for my phone number, I wouldn't give it, he gave me his and said he would leave it to me to contact him if I chose. I said thanks but will not be contacting him. Basically saying he wants to be friends again blah blah blah....same old rhetoric. Has no money but the place he's in gives meals etc, he is stealing alcohol from supermarkets now!!!!

I am afraid now he might break into my house or something. I so wish he wasn't in my town. I talked with him for a few minutes but made my excuses and said I had to go. I told him not to call again randomly that if I want I'll message him, which I won't. Hate the feeling of him being around like this, he could do anything.

trailmix

Well the new "girlfriend" didn't last very long (good for her).

If he is stealing from the supermarket he isn't beyond stealing elsewhere. I assume you have good locks on all the doors?

Not trying to add fuel, but good idea to be safe.

Glenjo99

​​​​​​I was out tonight and when I returned, I was in the door a couple of minutes and heard knock on door. He is standing there with 2 suitcases asking can he stay for a night. 2 very large suitcases! I told him no. He then asks me why I said he just can't. Then proceeds to ask for a razor so he can go to the woods to kill himself. I refused and closed door. That was it. So calling to my house earlier today was a test and he thought I would have him in my house to stay. The audacity. I'm a bit nervous that he tries to come back but hopefully he has gotten the message.

trailmix

The audacity is amazing, however I guess it shouldn't be a surprise (although even I'm a tad surprised at this one).

With the audacity he showed with his cousin it should seem the "norm" but she is a blood relative.

Can he have a razor? Really. I would have immediately called 911 (or whatever your emergency number is) and asked them for help as your friend is suicidal.

Perhaps that is the way going forward with him? If he shows up again, just call the police. You didn't even hint there was an opening to continue any kind of friendship, you wouldn't even give him your phone number on his first visit, yet he showed up with his bags. He's probably not going to take no for an answer.

He'll be back.

Glenjo99

Yes doesn't sound like he will take no for an answer. He has nobody left by all accounts. I don't want his drama in my life. I will ring emergency services if he returns.