Dandelion12

Okay no alcohol for almost five months. They put me on benzos and antidepressants.

No more benzos.

Seems i need a pill or a drink to depend on.

I dont even LIKE alcohol but want to run to the store and start binging

Its insane because it FEELS better while Im doing it, even though rationally I know it doesnt make sense

Im so afraid. Afraid of the panic attacks, afraid of the substances but o cant stop stuffing my face

I know none and nothing can help me.

I feel absolutely faint.

Dandelion12

This is from mantalady on another thread:

I don't say I am not an alcoholic as I am denying that to be true. What I mean is alcohol is just one of the addictive solutions I have deployed in my life to be able to deal.

Thats me. Im sick of feeling so stupid

Dandelion12

Im a total mental case

MantaLady

Benzos are really tough to get off so I totally get why your feeling in a panic. You are stronger than you think, you can get through this and the panic will pass and you will survive it I promise. Do whatever it takes not to pick up, scream, run, swim, distract yourself, get an elastic band on your wrist and ping it each time you feel the panic rising so you can ground yourself.

You can do this Dandelion! x

Dandelion12

Thank you. Im so sorry.

This is why I drink. I cant stand feeling like this

MantaLady

I drank over 25 years ago, realised it turned me into a dick so I started with weed and smoked it for 20 years, then I couldn’t get weed anymore and within 6 months was drinking to excess again. I hear you Dandelion, I have been in your shoes and felt that sheer panic and anguish when I couldn’t medicate with something or other.

I am 8 months clean and I am testament it can be done, you can get clean too! x

MantaLady

Don’t be sorry, your posting and doing something about it and you should be proud your doing that! Takes guts to reach out x

Dandelion12

Thanks so much i was so scared

PeacefulWater12

Sorry you are feeling so low.

We are not stupid, we have a particular body chemistry that makes us prone to using substances and behaviours to change how we are feeling. I have many addictions, I understand this to be common. One addiction subsides, another pops up.

These addictions can be managed with the right help.

Hang on in there.

Dandelion12

I wanted to ne responsible and independent. Im crashing and burning. Thank you

ScottFromWI

I know that one of the main reasons I drank was an attempt to self-medicate for my anxiety. ( GAD, health anxiety, panic attacks ). It of course failed horribly and made it worse in the end.

But you mention "neeeding something to depend on" and I felt the same way too. After I quit drinking I still wanted some kind of pill or magic technique that would "cure" my anxiety.

In the end I found that that there was no magic bullet - but much like I had to accept my addiction I had to accept that my anxiety was indeed a distinct and separate problem that needed addressing. Anxiety meds can help, but in my opinion they simply treat the symptoms - not the root cause. For me treating the root causes involved a whole host of things- Minfulness and meditation, addressing my physical health, adjusting my diet, getting adequate sleep, cutting back/out too much sugar and caffeine, and even taking a break from some anxiety inducing activities ( dr google, social media, etc ). Oh - and probably most importantly seeking help from a mental health professional for my mental health issues.

It can absolutely get better...but it takes time and work. I hope you can find a path to peace.

Dandelion12

Thank you everyone. Talking is helpful. Problem is no one in the real world wants a sick puppy. So i try to handle it.

Cant stop beating myself up

aasharon90

Glad to see you posting again Dandelion12.

Many come here to SR and stay connected
all day or everyday posting, reading, asking
for suggestions to help guide them with every
step they take in learning and remaining sober
or clean.

We are always here for you so that you
never have to be alone.

Dandelion12

Sharon i was doing Ok. I thought God had answered my prayers.

Thanks for talking to me everyone.

Anna

Dandelion, I think you will be able to learn to manage the anxiety. There are healthy ways to deal with life, and staying sober will allow you to work on those. Something as simple as breathing exercises can help to calm your body and mind.

PhoenixJ

SUPPORT to you

anxiety, cravings, anger - come in waves and lessen with time

Dandelion12

Thank you all for being here.

I just want to be ok.

Thank you

MantaLady

I am off to bed now but wanted to say hang in there Dandelion! Thinking of you and in your corner!! xx

sugarbear1

Early sobriety is hard and we don't like what it offers, but once we get through it, we don't have to go back there again

Isn't that cool?? Now you have all of us helping you out, too. Excellent choice! You got this!! We can talk you through it all. Hang sober with us

Dandelion12

Everyone here is so awesome

Why my family was so brutal and unkind ...

im not used to people nice and kind and telling me its going to be ok

I hurt and im confused bur I have some peace now so thank you all