TheWayBack

Hi, I just found this place. I stopped drinking about 50 days ago. Because it almost killed me. And if I start drinking like that again, it very probably will kill me. That's plenty of incentive to not drink, on it's own, not counting all the other good reasons I have, have had. But I spend a lot of evenings like this one, feeling depressed and hopeless about things, about the future. It's a long story, I wouldn't mind telling it, but it's long and not sure this new comers forum is the right place.

yinzer

Welcome! We love stories, and we all have one. Tell it if it helps you stay sober.

babycat

Welcome! And please, share away!

Ghostlight1

Hello and welcome.
I almost drank myself to death, too, so congratulations on fifty days.
I'd love to hear your story, so post away.

tomls

Welcome! You have come to the right place!

TheWayBack

Thanks. I probably should, might help to talk about it.

I started drinking daily around 10 years ago. Why? My doctor recently asked me that question. I was honest. Because I love my beer and bourbon. There was no other reason. I wasn't unhappy. But I definitely became addicted. Even though in the last couple of years, I knew the amount I was drinking was harming me, I continued to do it.

After the New Year, I started feeling bad, no energy, just overall bad and things went downhill quickly. My wife drove me to the emergency room one day and I was admitted immediately. My kidneys and heart were failing. They suspected my liver to, but somehow, my liver turned out to be 100% OK. But I was most definitely not OK. They managed to drain about 30 lbs of excess liquid out of my body. By the time I had made it to the hospital that day, my feet were swollen so badly I could barely walk. I was in terrible pain for days and could not even walk 100 ft on my own without collapsing in severe abdominal pain from the fluid.

I was there about a week. I suppose I was close to death and they told me if I continued my current lifestyle, I would not live much longer. When I left, I was literally skin and bones where my once muscular frame had been. I lost about 50 lbs in a week. I would wake up in the night so dehydrated that I literally could not swallow and was completely disoriented to the point, I didn't know where I was at, or what had happened to me.

Somehow or other, I have made a remarkable recovery in the last few weeks/month since being home and have even returned to work and my normal activities. It feels like a miracle. Even though I am no way near 100% yet. But I am constantly reminded just how close to death I am if I resume drinking.

What can I say, folks? This is where it eventually leads to if you do not stop heavy drinking. We will all get there eventually if we do not stop.

least

Welcome TWB. It's a good thing you got medical attention. Your situation sounds pretty dire. Congrats on your 50 days sober! Stay sober and allow yourself to fully heal. You'll find lots of support here.

TheWayBack

Thanks for the welcome, everyone.

Hevyn

It's so good to meet you, TheWayBack. It's wonderful that you were able to save yourself & get free. Congrats on your 50 days. We're here to encourage you to keep going.

Dee74

I'm glad you made it though and found us thewayback.

There is a great community - lots of support and good ideas here

D

Ghostlight1

Wow, what a story.
This is why I keep coming back to the Newcomers forum even though I haven't had a drink in ten years.
I need to be reminded of what awaits me if I go back to my old ways.
Thanks for sharing your story. It'll help this drunk stay sober tonight.

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

listae

Thank you for sharing your story! I'm glad your health did not deteriorate any further and you are recovering. Second chances are a true blessing.

I feel like I was sent a lifesaver from somewhere because I was close to where you were fifty days ago. I have 50 days too. So, we have a lot in common.

But I could not have gathered 50 days without drinking without SR. I post ALL THE TIME because it not only keeps me sober it actually makes not drinking more relaxing and fun.

Plus, people on SR share really important research findings and tools about how alcoholism impacts our minds and bodies.

Have you considered joining the February 2019 class? Every month there is a class that starts for people joining or getting started. Lots of people have joined the February class just in the last few days.

Again, welcome and thanks for sharing your story. On the one hand, it sounds very frightening the state you were in when you were hospitalized; on the other hand, you have already experienced the miracles of recovery.

You are amongst fellow travelers here!!!

TheWayBack

I never believed I would ever have to share a story like that. It still seems like a bad dream to me, daily. I get depressed because of it at times, also, almost daily.

I remember hearing stories of people almost dying from alcohol. Stories similar to mine. But I did not think that could ever happen to me. I even knew a couple of guys who died from alcohol. I remember one of them, It was liver cirrhosis. I worked with his wife. She had told us that he stopped eating completely for the last couple of months, and only drank hard liquor all day long. He wouldn't stop even though he knew he was dying.

I remember several times drinking 3/4 or even close to an entire 5th of a bottle of 100+ proof whiskey and bragging and laughing about it. I would say 'That would probably kill a lot of people'. I thought that was funny. I wouldn't even really have a hangover, just feel a little 'spacey' for a few hours. That was just over the last couple of years. 15-20 beers and a few glasses of bourbon on top of that? No problem. Typical weekend binge.

The craziest thing of all though, is that for a couple of weeks after I got out of the hospital, I remember being very angry and/or disappointed at the thought that I could no longer drink like that. I wondered if maybe, somehow, I would be able to again, after I healed up enough. One night, my wife had went to bed before me. I walked in the bedroom and she was asleep. I looked at her and it just suddenly hit me what I had been putting her through for the last few years. How terrified she was the day she took me to the hospital. It hit me really, really hard. I don't really show emotion too much. I grew up in a culture where men do not show emotion. But that almost made me cry. I think that is a big part of the reason, I don't really think very often about drinking any more, even more so than the damage I've done to my health.

TheWayBack

Hi listae, glad to see you here also with 50 days. How are you feeling emotionally at this point? I'm not sure if being depressed and feeling some anxiety after this length of abstinence is normal, or not. Some days I feel OK and even upbeat, but most days, I feel depressed and down in the afternoon and evenings. Hopefully this gets better with time.

TheWayBack

I'm so happy for you that you were able to quit and stay quit before ever getting to that point. It's no fun. I'm just now getting to the struggle of actually 'quitting, living without my alcohol', so not sure what I'm really in for, never really tried it before. Oh, there were thoughts at times 'maybe I should cut down, maybe give it up for a while'. But that never went anywhere.

PhoenixJ

welcome......a new lease on life puts things into a different perspective, doesn't it?

listae

I struggle with depression too the WayBack. But daily, heavy drinking makes it A LOT worse (even unbearable). Also, being alone in quitting drinking is not that fun. That is why I joined a class and check-in regularly with others on SR as a start.

I'm not a doctor but just an alcoholic in recovery. I understand the pain and struggle of drinking excessively (like you) in isolation. I understand the misery of wanting to drink so bad that I didn't care about the people close to me (or drinking made incapable of taking care of them). I understand only believing that alcohol was my friend, my companion, my savior, my escape. I also understand the shame and fear of finally facing that I was killing myself by drinking.

But there are hundreds and thousands of people like us. Stick with SR and you will not have to suffer this alone.

TheWayBack

Thanks, good to meet you also. I'll probably be sticking around, everyone seems friendly and it seems like it could be therapeutic. I've really struggled with trying to find something to keep my mind off not having my daily fix. I've tried reading, watching films, computer games. I just don't seem to be into any of it. Talking to my wife, she seems to look at me a lot like 'Who is this strange guy in my house and why is he talking to me?'. I guess that happens when you've been at your desk drunk for 10 years.

listae

Join us when you're at your desk (now sober for 50 days at your desk):

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ad-pt-2-a.html