Hello. My name is Trevor. I’m 37 years old and today is day number 45 without a drink. It has been close to 15 years since I could say that. I have lurked this site for quite some time but I decided today that I would join so that I could share my experiences with others and hopefully learn some things from everyone here as well. My drinking led to me losing the love of my life and two step children who I love with all my heart and consider my own. My drinking caused a lack of communication, lack of emotions and lack of intimacy in our relationship which ultimately led to its end. I’ve been absolutely devastated the last 45 days but surprisingly it has been much easier than I anticipated to not drink altho I have many “reasons” I would use to use to drink. The hope of getting my family back was the #1 reason for me to quit but then I quickly realized that if I wanted to keep living at all that this was my only option. The first week was a little tough. I’ve dealt with night terrors etc since I was a little kid and the drinking had never been any good for that and as most of you probably know you think drinking helps you sleep but in reality it does not. And quitting completely made me a bit of a mess for that first week. By the second week I was feeling amazing physically but struggling something fierce mentally and emotionally. It’s a very bizarre spot to feel terrible and amazing at the same time. Hard to explain. I thought things would just keep getting better and maybe they are but I can’t see it yet. I feel like things have plateaud so to speak but the depression and anxiety is getting worse day by day. I really don’t have the desire to drink but a few times I have had a couple NA beers while I watch tv or whatever and that kinda makes things feel “normal” again, it’s more the routine than anything I think. Maybe I’m wrong and I shouldn’t even be doing that, I don’t know. In the process of losing my family I also found myself with no place to live so I have been staying at my work, in my car or at a hotel once a week so I can shower. I love the clarity in my head but it’s also extremely scary at times. I feel like I’m starting to ramble on now but I look forward to meeting and interacting with people here.

Welcome to SR having NA beers is a lot better than drinking the real thing.

keep going things will get better.

Welcome Trevor. 45 days is a great start. Keep going...it gets better.

I appreciate the welcome messages from everyone. I’m in a really bad place and it seems to get worse every moment. It isn’t even about drinking. That’s not going to happen. In fact I’ve been out to bars more in the last 45 days than I have in a few years and there’s not even one part of me that has even wanted to drink. It’s the depression and loneliness that is destroying me now. I stopped the thing that was destroying my life only to have it get steadily worse. I’m so lost. I know I need to keep positive but I honestly don’t know how right now. Every minute feels like an eternity and it’s like my life is slipping away. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be.