Is there hope?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 5
Is there hope?
I have been dealing with my fiance who has been on a 6 month crack binge. He has broken my heart, my finances and my spirit. He is now in Rehab (7 days in ) and calling wanting to come home. Telling me he will do NA and we can do it together. He has been a on and off long time crack user ( I didn't know this until after we got together) . I just want to know if there is any real hope of him recovering or if I should just be strong and walk away now. I love him with all my heart but I don't want to spend the rest of my life in and out of this lifestyle with him
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
A long time crack user, and you didn't know it until after you got together...
On and off ... broken your finances, heart and spirit? Now, after 7 days he's 'fixed' .. or needs you to get 'ok' then ... And you are not married ... yet, ... and no kids ... yet.. He 'needs' you??? He very likely 'needs' to get completely clean, before dragging down an 'enabler' or grabbing on to an emotional 'hostage'.
Not my situation, but maybe it's good advice to run like a scalded dog.
On and off ... broken your finances, heart and spirit? Now, after 7 days he's 'fixed' .. or needs you to get 'ok' then ... And you are not married ... yet, ... and no kids ... yet.. He 'needs' you??? He very likely 'needs' to get completely clean, before dragging down an 'enabler' or grabbing on to an emotional 'hostage'.
Not my situation, but maybe it's good advice to run like a scalded dog.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
There is hope for you. There is hope you can find peace & a better life.
You have little to no chance of finding hope & better life with a long term crack addict. Its just the way it is.
Please leave him in rehab. Its where he belongs. If he chooses to leave then its on him.
You have little to no chance of finding hope & better life with a long term crack addict. Its just the way it is.
Please leave him in rehab. Its where he belongs. If he chooses to leave then its on him.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
If he's trying to leave rehab his heart just isn't in it. I know it's harsh, but run before you get more entangled.
Build up your finances, and meet someone you can have children with one day, if that's what you want.
Build up your finances, and meet someone you can have children with one day, if that's what you want.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
What do you want for yourself that you are asking this question?
Are you looking for someone stable to build a life with or do you want someone who needs fixing so you can feel needed?
Has he done some noble and responsible thing for you in the past that you feel compelled to hang in there with him?
I can't really give you any advice on this one. If you have not yet answered for yourself why you are with someone who breaks your heart, your finances and your spirit, then even if you leave you'll either return to him anyway or find someone just like this person.
Ask yourself if some other woman who you truly admire as self-confident and in control of her life would be with this person. What is your life likely to be like if he does decide to stick with rehab, if he does not stick with it or if he relapses off and on for the time you are with him.
You don't have to hate him, but maybe ask yourself what you really want and if he's the guy you want to save.
Hope is one thing (and a good thing), so there is always hope. Maybe a more practical question is - how much are you investing and at what point do you want to cut your losses?
Relationships can be very sentimental, but you still have to pay the bills and I assume you want some type of quality of life. So, some practical questions are also helpful.
Hoping you find the clarity you need.
Are you looking for someone stable to build a life with or do you want someone who needs fixing so you can feel needed?
Has he done some noble and responsible thing for you in the past that you feel compelled to hang in there with him?
I can't really give you any advice on this one. If you have not yet answered for yourself why you are with someone who breaks your heart, your finances and your spirit, then even if you leave you'll either return to him anyway or find someone just like this person.
Ask yourself if some other woman who you truly admire as self-confident and in control of her life would be with this person. What is your life likely to be like if he does decide to stick with rehab, if he does not stick with it or if he relapses off and on for the time you are with him.
You don't have to hate him, but maybe ask yourself what you really want and if he's the guy you want to save.
Hope is one thing (and a good thing), so there is always hope. Maybe a more practical question is - how much are you investing and at what point do you want to cut your losses?
Relationships can be very sentimental, but you still have to pay the bills and I assume you want some type of quality of life. So, some practical questions are also helpful.
Hoping you find the clarity you need.
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