Shocked
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Join Date: Aug 2017
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Shocked
I was told yesterday by my XAH that he is getting remarried. We have only been leagally divorced 8 months! I knew he had been seeing someone almost immediately after we split, but I’m just shocked he can move on so quickly. It’s not that I’m jealous or miss him, but it makes me wonder if I ever truly meant anything to him. Six years of my life was wasted on someone who can move on in less than a year. I just can’t grasp how he can get married so quickly, and I’m still trying to heal.
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,869
Him getting married again has absolutely nothing to do with you. He is just someone who cannot be alone. Most addicts are like that. He has to have someone to enable him and he was just able to find someone pretty quickly. It certainly doesn't mean he will be forever happy. Neither will she.
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 124
My now ex husband started dating someone 3 months after we separated and he is still with her 1.5 years later- he will probably end up marrying her and it took a lot for me to swallow that pill and make peace with it. But I also know the girl he is with. She gets him alcohol when he needs it. When he was scared of alcohol charges showing
up on his credit card during our divorce , he made her buy the alcohol - and she did . He is repeating a cycle that I went through with him. I was lucky to get out while he is still functional and didn't have to deal with all the other stuff that comes with alcoholism. We were married for 5 years , together for 7. Move on with your life and let this one go- it's not worth the heartache and thoughts . Don't let it get to you to the point where you start questioning if you weren't good enough for him. I did it for a whole year and it took me down pretty bad.
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up on his credit card during our divorce , he made her buy the alcohol - and she did . He is repeating a cycle that I went through with him. I was lucky to get out while he is still functional and didn't have to deal with all the other stuff that comes with alcoholism. We were married for 5 years , together for 7. Move on with your life and let this one go- it's not worth the heartache and thoughts . Don't let it get to you to the point where you start questioning if you weren't good enough for him. I did it for a whole year and it took me down pretty bad.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,252
I've seen the don't want to be alone. Also alcoholics and addicts being good at manipulation and wind up being good grifters might want to marry this person for a specific reason wether it's money, shelter, favors, connections etc.
The alcoholic always winds up back with the ex he's broken up with several times probably because he knows she will cater to him/wait on him hand and foot. She knows he has 'connections' and spend lots of money on recreational activity regardless of finances. Ironically in between one of the those break ups he went with a rich girl. Part of the reason is the family had a successful business. The girl saw right through him and he was so blatant he was told do not talk business with her parents. Long story short- it's not you and there's a very good chance he'll wind up playing or using her for his own gain.
And even though you were legally divorced less than a year he had probably moved on months if not a year or two before that.
The alcoholic always winds up back with the ex he's broken up with several times probably because he knows she will cater to him/wait on him hand and foot. She knows he has 'connections' and spend lots of money on recreational activity regardless of finances. Ironically in between one of the those break ups he went with a rich girl. Part of the reason is the family had a successful business. The girl saw right through him and he was so blatant he was told do not talk business with her parents. Long story short- it's not you and there's a very good chance he'll wind up playing or using her for his own gain.
And even though you were legally divorced less than a year he had probably moved on months if not a year or two before that.
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Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 10
I am so sorry you are experiencing this pain. While I was not married to my XAB I was still very hurt when he took up with another woman a week after we broke up. I felt replaced and betrayed.
Addicts cannot be alone. Too much time alone would force them to think about what they have done, what they have lost and how bleak their future really is. By distracting themselves with another warm body, they can continue to live in their false reality.
The thought that helped me was that I was/am taking the time I need to heal and he is not. I go to Alanon, have a therapist and am active on SR. With all this, I know that in time I will be stronger while he will remain weak and probably get weaker. I will move forward with my life and he will be stuck in the same place. I will find true happiness - he will continue to deteriorate and face guilt, shame and regret. It’s not that I want bad things for him, I just want better for myself. If we were still together I would be frozen in time, stuck in a vacuum of pain, lies, manipulation and anger.
Take the time you need to fully heal. Learn about yourself and what you really want. It will pay a lifetime of dividends.
Hugs to you.
Addicts cannot be alone. Too much time alone would force them to think about what they have done, what they have lost and how bleak their future really is. By distracting themselves with another warm body, they can continue to live in their false reality.
The thought that helped me was that I was/am taking the time I need to heal and he is not. I go to Alanon, have a therapist and am active on SR. With all this, I know that in time I will be stronger while he will remain weak and probably get weaker. I will move forward with my life and he will be stuck in the same place. I will find true happiness - he will continue to deteriorate and face guilt, shame and regret. It’s not that I want bad things for him, I just want better for myself. If we were still together I would be frozen in time, stuck in a vacuum of pain, lies, manipulation and anger.
Take the time you need to fully heal. Learn about yourself and what you really want. It will pay a lifetime of dividends.
Hugs to you.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,618
Originally Posted by Chevfb7 
I just can’t grasp how he can get married so quickly, and I’m still trying to heal.
Please do not think for one minute that it is about YOU. It's not. You are still the same nice person you were a week ago and a month ago etc etc
You are kind to your friends and your family, you are a good parent and you work hard and look after things.
He is an angry alcoholic.
You were with him for six years. There were responsibilities. He accused you of wanting to "ruin his fun". Well, isn't that the response of a 15 year old?
Who knows what the new woman sees in him and him in her. The fact is he now has a female that he has no real responsibility for, she hasn't seen him in all his glory yet, probably and even if she has she hasn't endured 6 years of it and probably thinks she can fix him (you know she can't).
So he gets a partner that isn't spoiling his "fun".
It's not that you didn't mean anything to him but his idea of a lifestyle is way far away from what yours is.
I imagine when you married him he was rather different than the guy you see today?
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