Just need some advice.
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Join Date: Dec 2018
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Just need some advice.
Following up with my last post.
My boyfriend/father to my unborn child,got arrested not long ago. He’s looking at 3 to 5 years,as I had previously mentioned. More likely 3 years,but 5 if the judge really wants to throw the book at him. All depends I guess.
Meanwhile I have two weeks left of pregnancy,and I’m getting extremely depressed. Anxious. I’m overwhelmed. I need someone to talk to but I have no one,and it’s driving me insane. I don’t recognize myself anymore and feel the lowest I’ve felt in a long time. My family is excited and always wants to talk about the baby and honestly I am terrified of labor and delivery. I don’t wanna talk about it it just makes my anxiety worse.
I’m not sleeping well. I’m not functioning well. I’ve become the biggest hermit and I isolate myself. It would be nice if I just had someone to spend the last two weeks with to occupy my mind. It’s not going to happen though. With all that’s been going on with this baby’s father,and how alone I’ve felt,I just wanna run away. I pray that things turn out okay but I’m really in a dark place.
Anyone have advice for me? Or something. Like I am so down right now.
My boyfriend/father to my unborn child,got arrested not long ago. He’s looking at 3 to 5 years,as I had previously mentioned. More likely 3 years,but 5 if the judge really wants to throw the book at him. All depends I guess.
Meanwhile I have two weeks left of pregnancy,and I’m getting extremely depressed. Anxious. I’m overwhelmed. I need someone to talk to but I have no one,and it’s driving me insane. I don’t recognize myself anymore and feel the lowest I’ve felt in a long time. My family is excited and always wants to talk about the baby and honestly I am terrified of labor and delivery. I don’t wanna talk about it it just makes my anxiety worse.
I’m not sleeping well. I’m not functioning well. I’ve become the biggest hermit and I isolate myself. It would be nice if I just had someone to spend the last two weeks with to occupy my mind. It’s not going to happen though. With all that’s been going on with this baby’s father,and how alone I’ve felt,I just wanna run away. I pray that things turn out okay but I’m really in a dark place.
Anyone have advice for me? Or something. Like I am so down right now.
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hi Iris, I'm sorry to hear you're so depressed, but its great that your family are excited about the baby. Families can be annoying at times, but they will probably be of great help to you, and be able to give your baby lots of love and cuddles.
Is there any reason you can't talk to a close family member? There are other resources as well, like social workers, mother and baby groups, churches. Do you have a midwife who can refer you?
Also glad you know where your BF is now and can stop stressing about him.
Is there any reason you can't talk to a close family member? There are other resources as well, like social workers, mother and baby groups, churches. Do you have a midwife who can refer you?
Also glad you know where your BF is now and can stop stressing about him.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Hi Iris, so sorry to hear you are so down and stressed.
One thing I have noticed from your posts is that you seem very reluctant to reach out for help of any kind where you live.
It would seem from what you have posted that you are also reluctant to really level with your friends/family.
There is a way out of that dark scary place you are living in and that is by asking for help. Talk to anyone who will listen, your Mom, Dad, Aunt, Uncle, siblings, GP everyone. Don't hide your pain, tell them.
Of course they are excited and happy for you, I am thinking they don't know the level of your fear? If you have tried to talk to them and they aren't "getting it" as in just trying to be positive and happy and telling you not to worry, then you really need to level with them.
Tell the person you think would be most open to it. Maybe start the conversation with - I need help, I'm not coping, I really need someone to talk to.
I really hope you will try this. Put the shoe on the other foot, if one of those people felt like you did, would you not want to help them?
Please let me know if I'm off track here and you can't talk to them for some reason. The more you tell us the more we can help.
One thing I have noticed from your posts is that you seem very reluctant to reach out for help of any kind where you live.
It would seem from what you have posted that you are also reluctant to really level with your friends/family.
There is a way out of that dark scary place you are living in and that is by asking for help. Talk to anyone who will listen, your Mom, Dad, Aunt, Uncle, siblings, GP everyone. Don't hide your pain, tell them.
Of course they are excited and happy for you, I am thinking they don't know the level of your fear? If you have tried to talk to them and they aren't "getting it" as in just trying to be positive and happy and telling you not to worry, then you really need to level with them.
Tell the person you think would be most open to it. Maybe start the conversation with - I need help, I'm not coping, I really need someone to talk to.
I really hope you will try this. Put the shoe on the other foot, if one of those people felt like you did, would you not want to help them?
Please let me know if I'm off track here and you can't talk to them for some reason. The more you tell us the more we can help.
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Join Date: Dec 2018
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Originally Posted by FeelingGreat 
hi Iris, I'm sorry to hear you're so depressed, but its great that your family are excited about the baby. Families can be annoying at times, but they will probably be of great help to you, and be able to give your baby lots of love and cuddles.
Is there any reason you can't talk to a close family member? There are other resources as well, like social workers, mother and baby groups, churches. Do you have a midwife who can refer you?
Also glad you know where your BF is now and can stop stressing about him.
Is there any reason you can't talk to a close family member? There are other resources as well, like social workers, mother and baby groups, churches. Do you have a midwife who can refer you?
Also glad you know where your BF is now and can stop stressing about him.
I have honestly tried talking to family but they don’t get me,if that makes sense. They want to discuss the baby and other things of that nature,not me and my mental health crisis. I know that they will help me a lot with this baby but right now I just needed someone to be there for me,and its
it gonna happen. I don’t know.. it’s just really getting me down. I have brought it up casually with my doctor but I don’t want to tell them that I’m depressed and all because who knows how they may interpret that and start thinking I’m crazy or something. I just have no one right now. It’s hard.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Hi Iris, so sorry to hear you are so down and stressed.
One thing I have noticed from your posts is that you seem very reluctant to reach out for help of any kind where you live.
It would seem from what you have posted that you are also reluctant to really level with your friends/family.
There is a way out of that dark scary place you are living in and that is by asking for help. Talk to anyone who will listen, your Mom, Dad, Aunt, Uncle, siblings, GP everyone. Don't hide your pain, tell them.
Of course they are excited and happy for you, I am thinking they don't know the level of your fear? If you have tried to talk to them and they aren't "getting it" as in just trying to be positive and happy and telling you not to worry, then you really need to level with them.
Tell the person you think would be most open to it. Maybe start the conversation with - I need help, I'm not coping, I really need someone to talk to.
I really hope you will try this. Put the shoe on the other foot, if one of those people felt like you did, would you not want to help them?
Please let me know if I'm off track here and you can't talk to them for some reason. The more you tell us the more we can help.
One thing I have noticed from your posts is that you seem very reluctant to reach out for help of any kind where you live.
It would seem from what you have posted that you are also reluctant to really level with your friends/family.
There is a way out of that dark scary place you are living in and that is by asking for help. Talk to anyone who will listen, your Mom, Dad, Aunt, Uncle, siblings, GP everyone. Don't hide your pain, tell them.
Of course they are excited and happy for you, I am thinking they don't know the level of your fear? If you have tried to talk to them and they aren't "getting it" as in just trying to be positive and happy and telling you not to worry, then you really need to level with them.
Tell the person you think would be most open to it. Maybe start the conversation with - I need help, I'm not coping, I really need someone to talk to.
I really hope you will try this. Put the shoe on the other foot, if one of those people felt like you did, would you not want to help them?
Please let me know if I'm off track here and you can't talk to them for some reason. The more you tell us the more we can help.
I have mentioned how I’m feeling with family,but they aren’t very understanding. Like yesterday I messaged my
mom and told her I needed someone to be here because I wasn’t feeling well. It did nothing,and I have still been sitting here alone. Understandably she has to work and has her own life,and I get that. Which is why I let it go. But I have serious anxiety issues and with my lovely (sarcasm) boyfriend being the way that he is,and me being alone and pregnant has really made things A LOT worse. I thought I was going into labor last night and I sat alone,with no way to get to a hospital or anything besides an ambulance. My mom lives an hour away. It’s just distressing to me. All of these things have put a huge cloud over this pregnancy in what should have been an exciting time for me.
I jave thoight about speaking with my doctor,but I am afraid they will suspect I’m crazy or unfit to be a mother and take the baby or something. I don’t know. I don’t have a car right now,I have only a few casual friends who don’t know me on that level to bring it up how depressed I am. Honestly talking to strangers is more comforting to me than talking to family. They don’t understand me or what I’m going through. I’m so scared here lately I’m not even functioning like a normal human. I hate to whine and look like a cry baby so I often keep everything to myself. Except on here where I’m sure I look like the biggest whiner around. It’s so opposite in my everyday life where I hide everything. If I had just one person to tell me everything will be alright and be there for me I would feel so much better. Just don’t think that’s gonna happen. Trying to stay strong and tell myself it’ll be okay.
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honey, you are going to need a plan to get to the hospital when labor starts. i am sorry you feel alone, but that is how things are RIGHT NOW. please please talk to your doctor? you are not the only woman to get pregnant, nor the only one who struggles with anxiety and doubt before the birth. that is normal. but you have to stop keeping it all inside.
your mental health is vital for this baby.
can i ask you a very personal question? do you truly want to keep this baby? you don't sound ready, or focused on the child. you seem to be focused on many other issues you can't control.
your mental health is vital for this baby.
can i ask you a very personal question? do you truly want to keep this baby? you don't sound ready, or focused on the child. you seem to be focused on many other issues you can't control.
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Iris.....I think that Anvil asks a good question....considering that you have so m uch on your mind, and keeping it all inside.....
My suggestions......Do you have enough money to call a cab or uber to go to the hospital when you begin labor? If not, and you family won't help...then you may have to call an ambulance....
When you do get to the hospital...tell the admittions people that you want to see a social worker Right Away...(like stat..lol). The do have specially trained social workers on the obstetrical unit.
Tell the social worker that you are depressed and have no help, at all for the post partum period (when you go home). The social worker can arrange special help and home services for you ...for when you get home. They can send visiting nurses, get you in-home helpers, transportation for your and the baby's doctor visits. get financial assistance, etc....
The social worker is specially trained and it is her job to do these things for you....Your job will be to let her know your situation and that you do need the help....
Asking for help is not weakness...rather, it will show that you are smart and well motivated.....
Remember this....you will not be alone...there are tons of trained staff at the hospital who will take excellent care of you and the baby...You will see that they are kind and compassionate and will do everything in their power to help you.....
My suggestions......Do you have enough money to call a cab or uber to go to the hospital when you begin labor? If not, and you family won't help...then you may have to call an ambulance....
When you do get to the hospital...tell the admittions people that you want to see a social worker Right Away...(like stat..lol). The do have specially trained social workers on the obstetrical unit.
Tell the social worker that you are depressed and have no help, at all for the post partum period (when you go home). The social worker can arrange special help and home services for you ...for when you get home. They can send visiting nurses, get you in-home helpers, transportation for your and the baby's doctor visits. get financial assistance, etc....
The social worker is specially trained and it is her job to do these things for you....Your job will be to let her know your situation and that you do need the help....
Asking for help is not weakness...rather, it will show that you are smart and well motivated.....
Remember this....you will not be alone...there are tons of trained staff at the hospital who will take excellent care of you and the baby...You will see that they are kind and compassionate and will do everything in their power to help you.....
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
You are going to be fine, as Dandylion says, there are people out there that want to help you.
It's not just their job to help you - they want to help you, there is a difference! There are a lot of kind people in the world.
As for your Mom, I totally get that, she is not in a position (for whatever reason) to be there for you. I do wonder though if you could reach out to her again and ask if she could pick you up and you could perhaps stay with her until the baby is born and maybe for a few days afterward? I don't know what your relationship is with her but sometimes you have to just lay it on the line and state what you need. Perhaps call her instead of texting.
You don't! Please don't think that. You are in a tough spot right now, here at SR there are people who understand and who want to help you.
Dandylion gives such great advice here, perhaps jot down her suggestions in point form so you can refer to it on the day.
It's not just their job to help you - they want to help you, there is a difference! There are a lot of kind people in the world.
As for your Mom, I totally get that, she is not in a position (for whatever reason) to be there for you. I do wonder though if you could reach out to her again and ask if she could pick you up and you could perhaps stay with her until the baby is born and maybe for a few days afterward? I don't know what your relationship is with her but sometimes you have to just lay it on the line and state what you need. Perhaps call her instead of texting.
I hate to whine and look like a cry baby so I often keep everything to myself. Except on here where I’m sure I look like the biggest whiner around.
Dandylion gives such great advice here, perhaps jot down her suggestions in point form so you can refer to it on the day.
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Originally Posted by Iris1
I have brought it up casually with my doctor but I don’t want to tell them that I’m depressed and all because who knows how they may interpret that and start thinking I’m crazy or something. I just have no one right now. It’s hard.
Doctors can tell the difference between anxious/depressed and crazy. I mean the average lay person can too. You're not irrational or delusional.
Why is it important to tell your doctor? He or she can take your mood into account & refer you to resources that will support you. They will check your mood next time you visit and monitor you. I have suffered from life-long controlled depression and no doctor has ever thought I was crazy. Completely different thing.
Please take note of what Dandy has suggested about asking for a social worker. She's been around the medical environment for years and knows how it all works. It will make your experience so much better.
Remember you don't need to be in the same room as someone to talk. Maybe you have a cousin or sibling you could really open up to?
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Iris...if you can...please let us know how you are doing.....We care!
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Hi Iris, glad you checked in.
When you are down you tend to think of the worse scenario - you'll go in there and talk to them and they will just say cheer up! or, it's just hormones! That's unlikely to happen. Depression is quite common and many people talk to their Dr. first and then get referred to other services.
Depression isn't "crazy", sadly it's all too common now. The upside is that people are talking about it so it has lost its mystery and Doctors are much more familiar with it.
So I know it's hard but try to have faith that they will help. Don't let anyone fob you off. If anyone tries to, be that the receptionist or the Dr, don't allow it. Be clear - say - I need help, all I do is cry and sleep.
If someone says something like, Oh you will feel better after the baby is born! Do state again that you need help now.
Ask for a referral to a psychiatrist or counsellor.
You will find help. I'm sure dandylion will be by with some good suggestions.
When you are down you tend to think of the worse scenario - you'll go in there and talk to them and they will just say cheer up! or, it's just hormones! That's unlikely to happen. Depression is quite common and many people talk to their Dr. first and then get referred to other services.
Depression isn't "crazy", sadly it's all too common now. The upside is that people are talking about it so it has lost its mystery and Doctors are much more familiar with it.
So I know it's hard but try to have faith that they will help. Don't let anyone fob you off. If anyone tries to, be that the receptionist or the Dr, don't allow it. Be clear - say - I need help, all I do is cry and sleep.
If someone says something like, Oh you will feel better after the baby is born! Do state again that you need help now.
Ask for a referral to a psychiatrist or counsellor.
You will find help. I'm sure dandylion will be by with some good suggestions.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 534
Hi Iris!
You WILL be ok! It's very normal to feel nervous and frightened right now. With all the trauma and stress you have been through, combined with HUGE hormonal changes happening, I'd be surprised if you WEREN'T scared.
As others have mentioned, you need a plan to get to the hospital, so keep a phone handy. You'll probably need to call ambulance. No big deal, they will take good care of you.
Pack a bag.
Do you have a church that you can reach out to?
No Dr. or Nurse will think you are "crazy" or overly emotional.
It really will be fine.
Do you know if it's a girl or boy?
You WILL be ok! It's very normal to feel nervous and frightened right now. With all the trauma and stress you have been through, combined with HUGE hormonal changes happening, I'd be surprised if you WEREN'T scared.
As others have mentioned, you need a plan to get to the hospital, so keep a phone handy. You'll probably need to call ambulance. No big deal, they will take good care of you.
Pack a bag.
Do you have a church that you can reach out to?
No Dr. or Nurse will think you are "crazy" or overly emotional.
It really will be fine.
Do you know if it's a girl or boy?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 84
Originally Posted by Zevin
Hi Iris!
You WILL be ok! It's very normal to feel nervous and frightened right now. With all the trauma and stress you have been through, combined with HUGE hormonal changes happening, I'd be surprised if you WEREN'T scared.
As others have mentioned, you need a plan to get to the hospital, so keep a phone handy. You'll probably need to call ambulance. No big deal, they will take good care of you.
Pack a bag.
Do you have a church that you can reach out to?
No Dr. or Nurse will think you are "crazy" or overly emotional.
It really will be fine.
Do you know if it's a girl or boy?
You WILL be ok! It's very normal to feel nervous and frightened right now. With all the trauma and stress you have been through, combined with HUGE hormonal changes happening, I'd be surprised if you WEREN'T scared.
As others have mentioned, you need a plan to get to the hospital, so keep a phone handy. You'll probably need to call ambulance. No big deal, they will take good care of you.
Pack a bag.
Do you have a church that you can reach out to?
No Dr. or Nurse will think you are "crazy" or overly emotional.
It really will be fine.
Do you know if it's a girl or boy?
Thank you. I’m having a boy,I’m being induced not this week,but next. I wish they would just go ahead and induce me this week,maybe I’ll ask. I am full term. I hav even having some pregnancy related pain that leaves me on the couch for most of everyday so it doesn’t help with the depression. Honestly for the past two hours I have been crying now. It sucks,and I don’t know how to change the way I feel lately. I hate being alone. I hate that my boyfriend wasn’t s better person and now he’s in jail. I honestly needed him but it is what it is. I just have to survive one more week then the baby will be here and hopefully I can get rid of some of this pain I feel physically. Which I think will help. Thank you and everyone who has commented on my post. It helps knowing someone out there is listening to me when I need it the most.
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A Son for you, how nice Iris!
You know, you are about to start your own little family. Yes, it would have been nice if your boyfriend wasn't an addict and if he was a caring, straight up nice man, sadly that's not the case.
What he has chosen for his life doesn't have to affect your life though. You will now have a family of your own, you can't imagine how that's going to change things, you will have your own little person to love who will love you back.
So it's important that you look after yourself and I'm so glad you are going to ask for help.
You know, you are about to start your own little family. Yes, it would have been nice if your boyfriend wasn't an addict and if he was a caring, straight up nice man, sadly that's not the case.
What he has chosen for his life doesn't have to affect your life though. You will now have a family of your own, you can't imagine how that's going to change things, you will have your own little person to love who will love you back.
So it's important that you look after yourself and I'm so glad you are going to ask for help.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
A Son for you, how nice Iris!
You know, you are about to start your own little family. Yes, it would have been nice if your boyfriend wasn't an addict and if he was a caring, straight up nice man, sadly that's not the case.
What he has chosen for his life doesn't have to affect your life though. You will now have a family of your own, you can't imagine how that's going to change things, you will have your own little person to love who will love you back.
So it's important that you look after yourself and I'm so glad you are going to ask for help.
You know, you are about to start your own little family. Yes, it would have been nice if your boyfriend wasn't an addict and if he was a caring, straight up nice man, sadly that's not the case.
What he has chosen for his life doesn't have to affect your life though. You will now have a family of your own, you can't imagine how that's going to change things, you will have your own little person to love who will love you back.
So it's important that you look after yourself and I'm so glad you are going to ask for help.
I hate how my boyfriend has made me feel over the past 4-5 months and this really tops the cake for me. I have never been so scared and overwhelmed in my life just needing someone to be there for me. I don’t know what I was expecting from him honestly,not surprising now looking back but it does hurt knowing I have to do this alone. I can’t wait to get it over with I’m so scared. Trying to calm myself down because I’m so close to being finished with it. I’m sorry I’m just so overwhelmed sometimes. I would’ve never thought this would have been my life a year ago. Again I appreciate the positivity and good advice from all of you guys. It’s been so rough.
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Try not to be too scared - I know, easy for me to say!
You are facing the unknown and yeah, that can be really scary. It might help if you think of it another way.
When you go to the hospital to have your baby and go to the maternity ward you will be surrounded by people who deliver babies and take care of the Mothers every day, that's their job, they are trained for it.
So while you are scared, they are not at all, hopefully that's reassuring. I assume you have discussed pain management with your doctor (ie: epidural etc), if not, please put that on your list of things to discuss on Monday (along with the list of Dandylion's suggestions for things to ask for at the hospital).
I too hope they will induce you soon! Since you are going to the Doctor Monday, perhaps prepare for that? Take your packed bag with you just in case.
Remember, not only do the maternity staff know what they are doing, most of them probably love what they are doing. They chose delivering babies for a reason, I think you will be happily surprised at how kind people can be.
With the right pain management and a group of caring people it won't be as scary as you think (truly). In fact you might be surprised at how happy and relieved you will feel.
As for the bf, well, he turned out to be - not what you need or expected. He has demons, obviously and while you didn't plan to do this on your own, unfortunately it is perhaps best that he is out of the picture for now, he is too unstable to be around you or the baby.
Now who knows what will happen with him, perhaps he will find real recovery in prison. Try not to put your life on hold for him though, kind, good people who will care about you are all over the place.
You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.
You are facing the unknown and yeah, that can be really scary. It might help if you think of it another way.
When you go to the hospital to have your baby and go to the maternity ward you will be surrounded by people who deliver babies and take care of the Mothers every day, that's their job, they are trained for it.
So while you are scared, they are not at all, hopefully that's reassuring. I assume you have discussed pain management with your doctor (ie: epidural etc), if not, please put that on your list of things to discuss on Monday (along with the list of Dandylion's suggestions for things to ask for at the hospital).
I too hope they will induce you soon! Since you are going to the Doctor Monday, perhaps prepare for that? Take your packed bag with you just in case.
Remember, not only do the maternity staff know what they are doing, most of them probably love what they are doing. They chose delivering babies for a reason, I think you will be happily surprised at how kind people can be.
With the right pain management and a group of caring people it won't be as scary as you think (truly). In fact you might be surprised at how happy and relieved you will feel.
As for the bf, well, he turned out to be - not what you need or expected. He has demons, obviously and while you didn't plan to do this on your own, unfortunately it is perhaps best that he is out of the picture for now, he is too unstable to be around you or the baby.
Now who knows what will happen with him, perhaps he will find real recovery in prison. Try not to put your life on hold for him though, kind, good people who will care about you are all over the place.
You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.
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Iris.....As others have said....you will be pleasantly surprised at the kindness and understanding of the hospital staff. I worked in a woman's hospital, at one time, and, I can assure you that no one, there will think you are "crazy". They will take depression seriously and will want to help you. For one thing, they will be on the alert for anything that you will need for the post-partum period...when you take the baby home. They will talk to you about it, and help you, through the social workers, to get support from people who will help you after the baby is born.
It is sooo key to come out and tell them just what you have told us....about the crying and feelings of depression. Actually, I suggest that you ask to talk to a social worker. They will willingly summon a social worker, for you. Talking to a maternity social worker will feel like talking to a "friend"...lol....You will see.
I am soo happy that you have given us this update, and I hope that you will continue to post here....even, long after your little boy is born.....
We will be l ike a bunch of Mother Hens, for you...because we care....and, a lot of us have been through childbirth, ourselves. I had three babies....and the third one was induced....I had an epidural....and, after they gave me the epidural....it was a totally pain, free delivery...in fact, I slept through most of it, anyway....lol...
By the way...I liked trailmix's suggestion to take a bag with you to the next doctor visit...just in case....
It is sooo key to come out and tell them just what you have told us....about the crying and feelings of depression. Actually, I suggest that you ask to talk to a social worker. They will willingly summon a social worker, for you. Talking to a maternity social worker will feel like talking to a "friend"...lol....You will see.
I am soo happy that you have given us this update, and I hope that you will continue to post here....even, long after your little boy is born.....
We will be l ike a bunch of Mother Hens, for you...because we care....and, a lot of us have been through childbirth, ourselves. I had three babies....and the third one was induced....I had an epidural....and, after they gave me the epidural....it was a totally pain, free delivery...in fact, I slept through most of it, anyway....lol...
By the way...I liked trailmix's suggestion to take a bag with you to the next doctor visit...just in case....
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