Back after a 2 year bender. It wasn't pretty.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Back after a 2 year bender. It wasn't pretty.
3 years sober with my Marcher 2013 friends and then disappeared to go on a 2 year bender. It was not good in more ways then I can count. I'm lucky to have survived it.
I lost my self respect, my home, my relationships, my job(s), my health, my mind, my sanity. And those were the okay days. On the really bad ones, I lost my will to live. The very thing causing my hell was the only thing that made it bearable.
Even though I knew the only way out of this was to quit drinking, I just couldn't stop. I'm pretty sure I can't on my own this time around. A circuit in my brain got flipped this time. And I can almost tell you the exact day it happened. I went from making bad choices to I can't function without it.
So here I am again. Day 3. Made it through the first 48+ hours of a really nice reminder of the excitement of alcohol withdrawal. Lining up every possible support I can get and keeping a daily fing reminder around that I am way beyond doing this on my own.
Lost most of my shoes too. I should change my name to 4shoes.
I lost my self respect, my home, my relationships, my job(s), my health, my mind, my sanity. And those were the okay days. On the really bad ones, I lost my will to live. The very thing causing my hell was the only thing that made it bearable.
Even though I knew the only way out of this was to quit drinking, I just couldn't stop. I'm pretty sure I can't on my own this time around. A circuit in my brain got flipped this time. And I can almost tell you the exact day it happened. I went from making bad choices to I can't function without it.
So here I am again. Day 3. Made it through the first 48+ hours of a really nice reminder of the excitement of alcohol withdrawal. Lining up every possible support I can get and keeping a daily fing reminder around that I am way beyond doing this on my own.
Lost most of my shoes too. I should change my name to 4shoes.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I went on a twenty year bender. I was able to hold things together for most of it, especially since I worked in a trade where drinking was part of the culture.
But as it went on, I worked less and less. Earning just enough to pay bills and drink.
But, inevitably, I too lost everything. Still drank.
I tried the geographic cure. I won't drink in that city. But, of course I did same as ever on short order.
I needed help.
I found AA. I found this place. People who understood my drinking and were together to solve our common problem with drink.
It took me awhile but it finally got through my peanut brain. I can not safely drink. It was out of control and controlled me.
It's been ten years now since this drunk has had a drink.
But it took effort. It took help. I had to surrender myself to a higher power. One greater than myself. Like your avatar. Him.
I wish you the best. You had three good years. I cannot get complacent and think I'm cured.
I'm an alcoholic. I cannot safely drink.
You can do it again if you go to any length.
Believe.
But as it went on, I worked less and less. Earning just enough to pay bills and drink.
But, inevitably, I too lost everything. Still drank.
I tried the geographic cure. I won't drink in that city. But, of course I did same as ever on short order.
I needed help.
I found AA. I found this place. People who understood my drinking and were together to solve our common problem with drink.
It took me awhile but it finally got through my peanut brain. I can not safely drink. It was out of control and controlled me.
It's been ten years now since this drunk has had a drink.
But it took effort. It took help. I had to surrender myself to a higher power. One greater than myself. Like your avatar. Him.
I wish you the best. You had three good years. I cannot get complacent and think I'm cured.
I'm an alcoholic. I cannot safely drink.
You can do it again if you go to any length.
Believe.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Down Under
Posts: 400
I'm back after 3 years. Absent because I was embarrassed that I failed and let my SR mates down. Now that I'm back I feel good and motivated.
Everyone is so supportive.
Like you I'm way beyond doing it myself.
Why don't you join the February Class?
Everyone is so supportive.
Like you I'm way beyond doing it myself.
Why don't you join the February Class?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 965
I can relate to your story very much. Like Ghostlight, I went on a twenty year bender too and was also slowly losing my will to live. I lost my job in December.
You're in the right place. 48 hours is great!
If you feel up to it, you might consider joining the February 2019 class. It's a great group of people and many just joined in the last 48 hours.
I look forward to reading your post on the class site too. Remember, the withdrawal will pass.
You're in the right place. 48 hours is great!
If you feel up to it, you might consider joining the February 2019 class. It's a great group of people and many just joined in the last 48 hours.
I look forward to reading your post on the class site too. Remember, the withdrawal will pass.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
360Shoes: Glad you’re here. Let us know what your plan is. Also happy to jump on the mobile chat sometime if you just need to lay it out there stream of conscious.
Hope you’ll join this February class with us.
Hope you’ll join this February class with us.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
Originally Posted by thomas11 
The very thing causing my hell was the only thing that made it bearable.
Never thought of it that way, but what a profound statement. So true. Its a real monster.
Never thought of it that way, but what a profound statement. So true. Its a real monster.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
You are all so kind. I thought about coming back so many times but was too embarrassed. Until it got to the point where embarrassment was the least of my problems.
Ghostlight1 you said it. I cannot drink safely. Heck, if it weren't for my doctor there was a chance I couldn't even detox safely. Forgive me. I need to practice again on the quoting functions.
I got day 4 in the bag now. I am going to a psychiatrist, a therapist, 12 step program, you good folks, and a mustard seed of faith but from what I have read that's a good start for people like me. If you can think of anything I am missing let me know.
I think I will jump on the Feb 2019 class. I will bust in on my Marchers here and there. I hate the thought of dragging them through these coming first months roller coaster ride again. Once was probably enough.
Day 4 and right now...I am okay
Ghostlight1 you said it. I cannot drink safely. Heck, if it weren't for my doctor there was a chance I couldn't even detox safely. Forgive me. I need to practice again on the quoting functions.
I got day 4 in the bag now. I am going to a psychiatrist, a therapist, 12 step program, you good folks, and a mustard seed of faith but from what I have read that's a good start for people like me. If you can think of anything I am missing let me know.
I think I will jump on the Feb 2019 class. I will bust in on my Marchers here and there. I hate the thought of dragging them through these coming first months roller coaster ride again. Once was probably enough.
Day 4 and right now...I am okay
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