Does it bother you when others are drinking around you?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 128
Does it bother you when others are drinking around you?
My family on my Mom’s side are heavy drinkers, mainly weekend bunglers. My Mom and my brother’s can drink around me and I have no problem whatsoever. If anything, it reinforces why I no longer drink anymore! My partner rarely drinks and knows of my situation somewhat, I just told him I had a problem with the ol booze and can NEVER drink again. He may have a couple of beers a year and not around me, but we are so close that he tells me everything and did mention he had a beer tonight and for some reason this bothered me!! I’m not around him, he knows not to drink around me, and yet I found I was actually getting kinda upset, almost jealous because it reinforced that he has a “normal” relationship with alcohol and mine in a no holds barred situation that ruined my soul and was slowly and surely killing me. Does this kind of thing bother anyone else?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
I can ignore my wife drinking around me, but I don't like to be around a group of drinking people at all no matter who the group is. Right now we have friends from out of town visiting for the weekend. They are in the backyard with a bottle of wine and I'm at the computer.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
Originally Posted by AmbyMarie 
My family on my Mom’s side are heavy drinkers, mainly weekend bunglers. My Mom and my brother’s can drink around me and I have no problem whatsoever. If anything, it reinforces why I no longer drink anymore! My partner rarely drinks and knows of my situation somewhat, I just told him I had a problem with the ol booze and can NEVER drink again. He may have a couple of beers a year and not around me, but we are so close that he tells me everything and did mention he had a beer tonight and for some reason this bothered me!! I’m not around him, he knows not to drink around me, and yet I found I was actually getting kinda upset, almost jealous because it reinforced that he has a “normal” relationship with alcohol and mine in a no holds barred situation that ruined my soul and was slowly and surely killing me. Does this kind of thing bother anyone else?
My wife is a lot like your boyfriend, she can drink without it affecting her at all (and never has more than one, two max — ever. I’ve never seen her drunk or even tipsy) — but she doesn’t now in solidarity. Very rarely, a glass of wine with dinner, but not in front of me anymore and she helps me to never keep alcohol in the house.
Keep it up — you’re doing great. Appreciate your post.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 128
It’s kinda comical because my boyfriend has had 3 beers and is sloshed! He has been talking to me the whole time and said he isn’t having anymore because he is getting sloppy. On 3 beers!!! I’ve been with him almost a year and he has never drank. So strange seeing him like this, just kinda silly and laid back, but actually knows to stop and eat something. I NEVER had the thought to just stop, especially after just 3 beers!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 241
The first two months I stayed away from
anyone drinking period. But over the holidays I was at many functions with casual drinking. It didn’t bother me. My husband drinks, it doesn’t bother me, unless he gets drunk drunk. Then I have zero tolerance and get frustrated. And I recently got stuck at a party where many people got wasted, it was hard to be around, but also reinforced how I do not ever want to drink again.
anyone drinking period. But over the holidays I was at many functions with casual drinking. It didn’t bother me. My husband drinks, it doesn’t bother me, unless he gets drunk drunk. Then I have zero tolerance and get frustrated. And I recently got stuck at a party where many people got wasted, it was hard to be around, but also reinforced how I do not ever want to drink again.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
I don't take conscious notice of it anymore - except when people are obnoxiously or belligerently drunk.
As far as your bf goes - you're aware its an irrational reaction and that a good starting point I think to explore it a little more and work out exactly why it bothered you.
D
As far as your bf goes - you're aware its an irrational reaction and that a good starting point I think to explore it a little more and work out exactly why it bothered you.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
It doesn't bother me in the slightest. Life has gotten so much better in sobriety that I have no desire whatsoever to drink anymore. Being around people that are drinking is no big deal, being around sloppy drunks is irritating though.
When we have family get togethers my parents and sister will usually crack open a bottle of wine and my brother-in-law will have beer but nobody gets wasted. Late last year it was my 40th birthday so they threw a small family party for me. It was strange because nobody was drinking. Nobody outright came out and said anything but I think because it was my birthday and out of respect for my sobriety they refrained from imbibing.
Honestly it made me feel self conscious. I would have preferred if they had wine or beer like normal instead of making me feel like I was being indulged or humored.
When we have family get togethers my parents and sister will usually crack open a bottle of wine and my brother-in-law will have beer but nobody gets wasted. Late last year it was my 40th birthday so they threw a small family party for me. It was strange because nobody was drinking. Nobody outright came out and said anything but I think because it was my birthday and out of respect for my sobriety they refrained from imbibing.
Honestly it made me feel self conscious. I would have preferred if they had wine or beer like normal instead of making me feel like I was being indulged or humored.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
For the first year I avoided all these things at all costs I'm sorry you got in your home too in my early months I was angry frustrated and could of easily drunk in situations such as those so it's a credit to your recovery 1. You came here 2.You asked a really good question (I think)
..So the answer is yes it bothered me in the beginning but that passed with time and will so for you..
I can already tell this thread will help a lot of people and that's what I'm about
..So the answer is yes it bothered me in the beginning but that passed with time and will so for you..
I can already tell this thread will help a lot of people and that's what I'm about
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
I wouldn't say it bothered me, but I was super-conscious of it for the first year or so. Now I'm pretty OK with it, unless as Dee says people are getting stupid-drunk. Then I prefer to leave.
My BF does not drink much. He also gets a little loose-lipped and merry after 2 or 3 glasses of wine. I don't mind - it's kind of funny.
The only thing I have to watch out for is the voice in my head that says 'What a freaking lightweight!' That's not healthy.
Be appreciative of your supportive BF and be grateful he has a normal relationship with alcohol AND doesn't drink much.
My BF does not drink much. He also gets a little loose-lipped and merry after 2 or 3 glasses of wine. I don't mind - it's kind of funny.
The only thing I have to watch out for is the voice in my head that says 'What a freaking lightweight!' That's not healthy.
Be appreciative of your supportive BF and be grateful he has a normal relationship with alcohol AND doesn't drink much.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Down Under
Posts: 400
I'm sitting here, after dinner, 8:00pm, with my wife watching TV. She is on her 2nd glass of red which is also usually her last.
She doesn't drink during the day and if she has been to the gym, she won't have one at all.
I have no worries sitting here, it doesn't bother me. I don't know what's got into me but it's a positive.
Day 4 has nearly ended for me, so it's only early days yet.
She doesn't drink during the day and if she has been to the gym, she won't have one at all.
I have no worries sitting here, it doesn't bother me. I don't know what's got into me but it's a positive.
Day 4 has nearly ended for me, so it's only early days yet.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Nope. I work in the restaurant world, coming back to serving at 5 mo sober, and learned a lot about how other people drink.
I made a conscious decision early to not spend time w people, places and things that bothered me, and recall one time that I got very agitated at a wedding weekend away, 19 mo sober, bc one of the main focus points of activity in the whole cute little mtn town involved wine. I didn't want to drink but I was glad when the wkd was over.
I'm a super outgoing person but I just don't go - or want to go, or stay- at stuff where drunk people are around. I follow a 1) decide if I am emotionally good to go to something 2) want to go and 3) if I do, spend enough time to make a spin around the event to talk to important people to it, and leave.
Whatever works for anyone to stay sober is what they should do - all the time, and at every chance to make a choice. That's what each one of us can control.
I made a conscious decision early to not spend time w people, places and things that bothered me, and recall one time that I got very agitated at a wedding weekend away, 19 mo sober, bc one of the main focus points of activity in the whole cute little mtn town involved wine. I didn't want to drink but I was glad when the wkd was over.
I'm a super outgoing person but I just don't go - or want to go, or stay- at stuff where drunk people are around. I follow a 1) decide if I am emotionally good to go to something 2) want to go and 3) if I do, spend enough time to make a spin around the event to talk to important people to it, and leave.
Whatever works for anyone to stay sober is what they should do - all the time, and at every chance to make a choice. That's what each one of us can control.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 508
In my past attempts it was bothersome. More in a way why I cannot control my drinks like others. So I never lasted this long.
This time it does not bother me. My job requires me to go out to bars and dinners. But for some reason this time I have had no issues saying one of the following: I am good, thanks, I am not drinking, I don't drink, I don't drink anymore.
What has bothered me on a couple of occasions is when folks have tried to probe why I stopped drinking or justify why I should drink. I don't mind answering why I stopped but the unnecessary grilling, I have disliked.
I have am loving my sober life. I don't have time to bother about who drink.
This time it does not bother me. My job requires me to go out to bars and dinners. But for some reason this time I have had no issues saying one of the following: I am good, thanks, I am not drinking, I don't drink, I don't drink anymore.
What has bothered me on a couple of occasions is when folks have tried to probe why I stopped drinking or justify why I should drink. I don't mind answering why I stopped but the unnecessary grilling, I have disliked.
I have am loving my sober life. I don't have time to bother about who drink.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Amby,
My sister asked me a long time ago if it bothered me to be around drinkers etc.
I said if I wanted to, i could drink all day every day. I simply don't like booze anymore.
They reason is that I know some of what it has done to me and how I feel after all this time sober. Booze causes brain and body damage. It is slow and insideous. The addiction is almost immediate.
I still crave, but I choose to not drink. It may sound cliche but...I get high on life. I don't need to get high to feel amazing. I don't need to get high to act crazy..e.g. sing kareoke or talk to folks.
Last night at this party, several guests were drinking, eating marijuana edibles, and popping some kind of pills. Not sure exactly about the details.
Some were sort of twitching. Most seemed to be fairly self absorbed and distracted. When one of them decided to include me in the conversation, commenting that I looked bored I said...I am having a fine time listening to their discussion. I don't always have to participate. It didn't help I was playing soduko.
They were pretty interesting really. Sort of on a poorly written sitcom level. It was about lost love and unemployment etc. Sort of intersting.
I am confident many were all actively addicted to some form of drug.
I was sipping refreshing water and enjoying some moderate levels of deserts.
Wanting to quit was half the battle won. Suffering silently has been the way out. It was hard at first, but now it is a badge of honor.
Waking up with a natural melatonin hangover is all I will ever feel again.
I am ready to proudly live in the present with the unaltered version of me.
Booze is poison. I don't believe the hype.
Thanks.
My sister asked me a long time ago if it bothered me to be around drinkers etc.
I said if I wanted to, i could drink all day every day. I simply don't like booze anymore.
They reason is that I know some of what it has done to me and how I feel after all this time sober. Booze causes brain and body damage. It is slow and insideous. The addiction is almost immediate.
I still crave, but I choose to not drink. It may sound cliche but...I get high on life. I don't need to get high to feel amazing. I don't need to get high to act crazy..e.g. sing kareoke or talk to folks.
Last night at this party, several guests were drinking, eating marijuana edibles, and popping some kind of pills. Not sure exactly about the details.
Some were sort of twitching. Most seemed to be fairly self absorbed and distracted. When one of them decided to include me in the conversation, commenting that I looked bored I said...I am having a fine time listening to their discussion. I don't always have to participate. It didn't help I was playing soduko.
They were pretty interesting really. Sort of on a poorly written sitcom level. It was about lost love and unemployment etc. Sort of intersting.
I am confident many were all actively addicted to some form of drug.
I was sipping refreshing water and enjoying some moderate levels of deserts.
Wanting to quit was half the battle won. Suffering silently has been the way out. It was hard at first, but now it is a badge of honor.
Waking up with a natural melatonin hangover is all I will ever feel again.
I am ready to proudly live in the present with the unaltered version of me.
Booze is poison. I don't believe the hype.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
Only last night I got the late train back home and the group around me were drinking. They introduced themselves and seemed quite friendly but it put me on edge nonetheless. There was the thought of 'why not join them and go for a drink in town'. Instead I went straight back home... small steps...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
I stayed away from alcohol completely for the first 4 months, I wouldn't even walk down the booze aisle in the supermarket just in case I was triggered.
After 5 months I was ok to be around normal drinking but I still won't spend time with heavy drinkers or drunk people, I make my excuses and leave.
I live on my own so it did make it easier in the early days, but now it really doesn't bother me at 18+ months sober.
After 5 months I was ok to be around normal drinking but I still won't spend time with heavy drinkers or drunk people, I make my excuses and leave.
I live on my own so it did make it easier in the early days, but now it really doesn't bother me at 18+ months sober.
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