Lipstuck

I kinda thought that, once I was settled into my non-drinking pattern, that I would suddenly be patient and perfect and the mother of the year and that everything would be ideal.
WELL, my kid is in a sleep regression (and to my credit, I haven't used it as an excuse to ditch my sobriety). But I still get impatient, when it's 11 and I want him to be asleep so that I can be asleep, and when the screaming makes my ears ache (introverts hate loud noises, y'all) and I'm stressed because I can't stop myself from being snappy at the poor kid when he's just tired and going through big changes.
But then my stupid AV kicks in (probably was behind my delusions of grandeur all along) and says, "Well, if the alcohol wasn't making you snappy, and if it helped you drown out the crying and makes you go right to sleep after..." ugh ugh ugh I hate it. I'm glad I can recognize the lies for what they are, but it makes me mad. It doesn't help that my husband is now fully aware of the mess I've made to our finances over the last few years (partially from drinking and the stupid spending choices I made while having those drinks). So I'm trying to be always aware and cautious of the lies AV whispers to me, while living with the stress that I drank to hide before, and the repercussions of my sloppy lifestyle.
Anyway. I've taken steps to have zero access to booze this week and especially moving into this weekend. I'm practicing mindfulness and trying to recharge the negative balance of patience, willpower, and positivity that I woke up with this morning. I just so regret that it takes this to get through each week.... I wish I could be a normal person.
Hope everyone is well and enjoys their weekend!

lessgravity

First of all calling the AV a jerk is going very light! He's an absolute demon. But awesome work on getting through and identifying that voice in your head. I've gotten sober with kids and a baby so I understand the frustration. What I can say is what others have said here and I've come to live, and that's that it gets easier and it gets better. Especially the patience and time that you're going to find you have for you and with your kids. And also the time that you're able to have separate from them, you'll be able to access that more deeply and more profoundly than you did before. Sounds like you're on the right path, keep it moving and check in often.

Evoo

As someone who also has a (very) little one entering a first phase of sleep regression...

God bless you. We are in this together .

I was just posting in the February support group about how my AV is incredibly unkind. (I used a choice word that SR censored ).

With you in spirit today. Keep it up.

RDBplus3

Hello Lipstuck,
Recognizing the Addictive Voice driving my behavior was a big deal. Understanding that my drinking and drugging (and most of my thoughts and behaviors) were not me getting what I wanted, or what I thought I 'needed', or what I was 'justified' in doing ... but was actually me being driven by bad programming below the level of my rational consciousness. I sometimes refer to it as THE TYRANNY OF MY FEELINGS.

However, when I recognized this, all I had to combat it with was that guy Will Power. Hope you can recognize and overcome your AV.

RDBplus3 ... Now Happy, Joyous and FREE

DriGuy

I love the title of this thread. To me it nails it. My AV was a jerk, a stupid whiny irresponsible child who was pedaling nothing but pure bull$hit.

Lipstuck

Thanks, friends! Will be 2 weeks tomorrow... The hardest thing about this weekend is thinking about how many weekends I've planned around evening wine. Ugh. Sad.
hope everyone is happy and healthy this weekend!