Completely new to all this...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 4
Completely new to all this...
Hello.
This is Day One.
Day One of my new, sober life, hopefully. Day One of finally admitting the magnitude of the problem - out loud, not just in the bathroom mirror - and trying to get some help, certainly.
I'm 40 years old and I've been drinking regularly, excessively, since I was 18. Since my first night away at university, in fact, and my first drink. I distinctly remember thinking "This is great! Why doesn't everyone do this all the time?" Of course, I found out the next morning *exactly* why. But to cut a long story short, it didn't stop me from doing the exact same thing the night after....
I haven't had a drink today, meaning that I'm absolutely flattened with guilt and shame about the stupid stuff I did yesterday (just low-level stupid this time, fortunately), which is exactly the feeling that will make me "need" a drink tomorrow.
But I've decided that this time must be different and it will be different. The cycle of drink>stupid stuff>guilt and shame>drink has absolutely no value for me any more. I seriously, seriously intend to break it.
Will you help me?
This is Day One.
Day One of my new, sober life, hopefully. Day One of finally admitting the magnitude of the problem - out loud, not just in the bathroom mirror - and trying to get some help, certainly.
I'm 40 years old and I've been drinking regularly, excessively, since I was 18. Since my first night away at university, in fact, and my first drink. I distinctly remember thinking "This is great! Why doesn't everyone do this all the time?" Of course, I found out the next morning *exactly* why. But to cut a long story short, it didn't stop me from doing the exact same thing the night after....
I haven't had a drink today, meaning that I'm absolutely flattened with guilt and shame about the stupid stuff I did yesterday (just low-level stupid this time, fortunately), which is exactly the feeling that will make me "need" a drink tomorrow.
But I've decided that this time must be different and it will be different. The cycle of drink>stupid stuff>guilt and shame>drink has absolutely no value for me any more. I seriously, seriously intend to break it.
Will you help me?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome. And yes, you'll find help and support here, it's a great place for that.
I took my first drink at fourteen and got sick as a dog, but loved it.
I would drink for another thirty five years all alcoholicly.
It took the grace of God, AA and this place to save me.
I now have ten years sober.
I know exactly what you're talking about in your drinking. I did it, too.
To make this time different, you may have to do something different.
Coming here is a great start and by admitting you have a problem, so good for you.
Have you considered AA or another recovery program? Sometimes face to face programs offer a chance of people like us to try and solve our problems with drink successfully.
Best to you. I can sense your sincerity in wanting to quit, and you've already taken the first step.
Remember, you never have to drink again.
I took my first drink at fourteen and got sick as a dog, but loved it.
I would drink for another thirty five years all alcoholicly.
It took the grace of God, AA and this place to save me.
I now have ten years sober.
I know exactly what you're talking about in your drinking. I did it, too.
To make this time different, you may have to do something different.
Coming here is a great start and by admitting you have a problem, so good for you.
Have you considered AA or another recovery program? Sometimes face to face programs offer a chance of people like us to try and solve our problems with drink successfully.
Best to you. I can sense your sincerity in wanting to quit, and you've already taken the first step.
Remember, you never have to drink again.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Originally Posted by Bartleby 
Hello.
This is Day One.
Day One of my new, sober life, hopefully. Day One of finally admitting the magnitude of the problem - out loud, not just in the bathroom mirror - and trying to get some help, certainly.
I'm 40 years old and I've been drinking regularly, excessively, since I was 18. Since my first night away at university, in fact, and my first drink. I distinctly remember thinking "This is great! Why doesn't everyone do this all the time?" Of course, I found out the next morning *exactly* why. But to cut a long story short, it didn't stop me from doing the exact same thing the night after....
I haven't had a drink today, meaning that I'm absolutely flattened with guilt and shame about the stupid stuff I did yesterday (just low-level stupid this time, fortunately), which is exactly the feeling that will make me "need" a drink tomorrow.
But I've decided that this time must be different and it will be different. The cycle of drink>stupid stuff>guilt and shame>drink has absolutely no value for me any more. I seriously, seriously intend to break it.
Will you help me?
This is Day One.
Day One of my new, sober life, hopefully. Day One of finally admitting the magnitude of the problem - out loud, not just in the bathroom mirror - and trying to get some help, certainly.
I'm 40 years old and I've been drinking regularly, excessively, since I was 18. Since my first night away at university, in fact, and my first drink. I distinctly remember thinking "This is great! Why doesn't everyone do this all the time?" Of course, I found out the next morning *exactly* why. But to cut a long story short, it didn't stop me from doing the exact same thing the night after....
I haven't had a drink today, meaning that I'm absolutely flattened with guilt and shame about the stupid stuff I did yesterday (just low-level stupid this time, fortunately), which is exactly the feeling that will make me "need" a drink tomorrow.
But I've decided that this time must be different and it will be different. The cycle of drink>stupid stuff>guilt and shame>drink has absolutely no value for me any more. I seriously, seriously intend to break it.
Will you help me?
These forums are really helpful for anyone seeking or in recovery. There are loads of different types of treatment/programs/methods that people on these forums have used to get clean and/or sober. Have a look around and you'll find loads of advice and experience.
Best of luck on your journey, the most important part is that you've started it.
Natom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Ghostlight1
Hello and welcome. And yes, you'll find help and support here, it's a great place for that.
I took my first drink at fourteen and got sick as a dog, but loved it.
I would drink for another thirty five years all alcoholicly.
It took the grace of God, AA and this place to save me.
I now have ten years sober.
I know exactly what you're talking about in your drinking. I did it, too.
To make this time different, you may have to do something different.
Coming here is a great start and by admitting you have a problem, so good for you.
Have you considered AA or another recovery program? Sometimes face to face programs offer a chance of people like us to try and solve our problems with drink successfully.
Best to you. I can sense your sincerity in wanting to quit, and you've already taken the first step.
Remember, you never have to drink again.
I took my first drink at fourteen and got sick as a dog, but loved it.
I would drink for another thirty five years all alcoholicly.
It took the grace of God, AA and this place to save me.
I now have ten years sober.
I know exactly what you're talking about in your drinking. I did it, too.
To make this time different, you may have to do something different.
Coming here is a great start and by admitting you have a problem, so good for you.
Have you considered AA or another recovery program? Sometimes face to face programs offer a chance of people like us to try and solve our problems with drink successfully.
Best to you. I can sense your sincerity in wanting to quit, and you've already taken the first step.
Remember, you never have to drink again.
Yes, I do intend to go to meetings. I've got hold of a list of ones in my local area and cleared some time to go. The thought of it makes me feel hide-under-the-duvet-for-hours nervous, but that's probably a good thing since real change is supposed to be scary and unsettling. And I'm going to have massively elevated anxiety levels this weekend whatever happens. My intention is that this time it'll be because I'm doing something new and different, not because I have the inevitable (but actually, as you say, completely and utterly "evitable"!) beer fears, hanxiety, or whatever's the current cute nickname for the horror of a brain awash in the wrong chemicals.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Originally Posted by Bartleby
Thank you so much for your warm welcome and encouraging words.
Yes, I do intend to go to meetings. I've got hold of a list of ones in my local area and cleared some time to go. The thought of it makes me feel hide-under-the-duvet-for-hours nervous, but that's probably a good thing since real change is supposed to be scary and unsettling. And I'm going to have massively elevated anxiety levels this weekend whatever happens. My intention is that this time it'll be because I'm doing something new and different, not because I have the inevitable (but actually, as you say, completely and utterly "evitable"!) beer fears, hanxiety, or whatever's the current cute nickname for the horror of a brain awash in the wrong chemicals.
Yes, I do intend to go to meetings. I've got hold of a list of ones in my local area and cleared some time to go. The thought of it makes me feel hide-under-the-duvet-for-hours nervous, but that's probably a good thing since real change is supposed to be scary and unsettling. And I'm going to have massively elevated anxiety levels this weekend whatever happens. My intention is that this time it'll be because I'm doing something new and different, not because I have the inevitable (but actually, as you say, completely and utterly "evitable"!) beer fears, hanxiety, or whatever's the current cute nickname for the horror of a brain awash in the wrong chemicals.
Good luck Bartleby!!!
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Bart,
When I thought I was a good boy long enough, or I could manage drinking from now on, or my boss picked me off, or.....insert....
That is when the hell begins. The suffering.
The only way out is through the hell.
Otherwise, I just went deeper in the hellish hole.
That is why many cant make it out.
It is a lack of education. I/we all have been permanently altered, brain damage, for the rest of our lives. We will crave.
Exercise and sweets got me out or the deep water.
Thanks.
When I thought I was a good boy long enough, or I could manage drinking from now on, or my boss picked me off, or.....insert....
That is when the hell begins. The suffering.
The only way out is through the hell.
Otherwise, I just went deeper in the hellish hole.
That is why many cant make it out.
It is a lack of education. I/we all have been permanently altered, brain damage, for the rest of our lives. We will crave.
Exercise and sweets got me out or the deep water.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
You're very welcome. See, isn't nice to connect with people who understand?
That's how it will be at the meeting. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to.
I just listened for about the first two months!
I was scared to go, too. I circled the building a few times, like, four different times, before getting up the nerve to go in.
I'm so glad I did go in. I met a bunch of people just like me, even though we were all from different walks of life.
We had a common problem and the group dynamic of that is powerful.
Coming here and AA saved me from, as you say, the brain awash with chemicals. Our bodies are, too. It's a whole body disease and it doesn't discriminate.
I'm so glad you're here. Please stick around.
And remember, nothing changes if nothing changes.
That's how it will be at the meeting. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to.
I just listened for about the first two months!
I was scared to go, too. I circled the building a few times, like, four different times, before getting up the nerve to go in.
I'm so glad I did go in. I met a bunch of people just like me, even though we were all from different walks of life.
We had a common problem and the group dynamic of that is powerful.
Coming here and AA saved me from, as you say, the brain awash with chemicals. Our bodies are, too. It's a whole body disease and it doesn't discriminate.
I'm so glad you're here. Please stick around.
And remember, nothing changes if nothing changes.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 268
I am only 13 days sober. I didn't sleep for the first week and I was an anxious mess. Barely left my apartment. It was hell but I am through to the other side and sleeping normally, an anxiety much better. Just gotta say "F*ck it" and go for it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Great to meet you, Bartleby. You sound disgusted, & ready for a new way of life. I felt that way too when I found SR. The encouragement & friendship here helped me get free. You can do this.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by Ghostlight1
You're very welcome. See, isn't nice to connect with people who understand?
That's how it will be at the meeting. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to.
I just listened for about the first two months!
I was scared to go, too. I circled the building a few times, like, four different times, before getting up the nerve to go in.
I'm so glad I did go in. I met a bunch of people just like me, even though we were all from different walks of life.
We had a common problem and the group dynamic of that is powerful.
Coming here and AA saved me from, as you say, the brain awash with chemicals. Our bodies are, too. It's a whole body disease and it doesn't discriminate.
I'm so glad you're here. Please stick around.
And remember, nothing changes if nothing changes.
That's how it will be at the meeting. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to.
I just listened for about the first two months!
I was scared to go, too. I circled the building a few times, like, four different times, before getting up the nerve to go in.
I'm so glad I did go in. I met a bunch of people just like me, even though we were all from different walks of life.
We had a common problem and the group dynamic of that is powerful.
Coming here and AA saved me from, as you say, the brain awash with chemicals. Our bodies are, too. It's a whole body disease and it doesn't discriminate.
I'm so glad you're here. Please stick around.
And remember, nothing changes if nothing changes.
Glad you are here, Bartleby. Please stay on with us and get to know folks - you might want to check out the Class of February 2019 thread under Newcomers- my Feb class 2016 was a huge support and we still touch base on that specific thread as we have kept going.
And, I quit at 39 1/2 so I know a lot of where you sound like you are - my 40s are the best part of my life so far, thanks to having 3 yr sober next wk.
They can be yours, too!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Hi Bart,
Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here. I found SR on my Day 1 and was overwhelmed by the support I received from these understanding and knowledgeable people. I haven’t had a drink since the day I joined, 5 1/2 years ago.
It can be done. And you can do it.
Good luck and welcome to the SR family.
Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here. I found SR on my Day 1 and was overwhelmed by the support I received from these understanding and knowledgeable people. I haven’t had a drink since the day I joined, 5 1/2 years ago.
It can be done. And you can do it.
Good luck and welcome to the SR family.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome to SR Bartleby!! This is such an amazing site, and it is the biggest part of my recovery plan. I have 3 years and 1.5 months sober. It was the best decision I have ever made for myself.
You should join the February of 2019 class, all you need to do is post in the thread to join. You'll be surrounded by others who have also committed or recommitted to sobriety this month. It really helps to have people in the same spot as you.
Looking forward to seeing you on SR!
You should join the February of 2019 class, all you need to do is post in the thread to join. You'll be surrounded by others who have also committed or recommitted to sobriety this month. It really helps to have people in the same spot as you.
Looking forward to seeing you on SR!
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